The Greatest Work

The Colosseum, the Pantheon, and St. Peter's Basilica are monumental works taking a colossal effort to build with relics, walls, and history that have been telling their stories for centuries. Like many more of Rome's historic monuments and other historic places around the world, the remains tell the story of what the people or leaders valued at the time. I just returned from a two week trip to Italy where I spent days walking through amazing architectural and artistic works of the ages. I marveled at the grandeur and detail. I am in awe of the sheer size of these buildings and incredible talent of those that created them.

I also spent the day in the home of a beautiful Italian family. They prepared nurturing and wonderful food for all of us. We walked through their herb and fruit garden sharing the qualities of herbs and the joy of a garden. The wife spoke Spanish and I spoke a little Spanish, both of our husbands spoke Italian and in a raw and enthusiastic fashion we all communicated. We shared about our children, our dreams for them, our aging parents and those that have passed on. We shared about our beliefs in God and values.



The power of Italy and of any nation is not in its tourist attractions, its ancient history or the art left from the centuries. It is in its homes. The homes of the people are the power of the country. I felt that truth strongly as we spent time together. I saw a strong mother and father, who cared deeply about their children, sacrificed and prayed for them, taught them and loved them. The power of this simple pattern carried through the millennia bore witness deeply in my soul. You want to make a difference in your community, your nation? Focus on your children first. The greatest work is not in stone, but in the fleshy hearts of those under the roof of your home. The greatest structure in Rome is the Home.

Motherhood Calling

Waaahhh! The baby calls!  I am a new grandma and I'm reminded that when the baby is hungry, you know it! Mom answers the call. This new little bundle is trying to make sense of the world. Can I trust people to take care of me? Am I safe? The baby calls out for their needs to be met and part of motherhood is providing that food, comfort, and care. This is how the child makes sense of their world. The mother answers the child's call and the baby learns to trust and love.

This baby calling becomes a calling for mothers. Motherhood is a calling. And the calls keep coming as baby grows. What kind of a world is this? How does the child make sense of today's world? It's divisions? It's voices? It's complexities? It's challenges? Who better than a mother? The child calls forth the best motherhood has to offer.  

From her, the child watches how to give, receive, learn, and change. From her, the child learns values and what matters. From her, the child learns how to handle joy and pain, success and difficulty. The child watches how she treats others and what effect that has on relationships with others.  Every interaction is teaching something about how to navigate home and navigate the world. The mother is the most influential voice in her home, in the rising generation, and in shaping the world. The call is to be her to be her best self as a new little person is watching everything she says and does, a powerful pattern that has been in place for thousands of years.

Women everywhere answer this call and calling by giving birth, adopting children, offering love and support to a child and caring about the rising generation.  They answer the calling every time they teach how to listen, share values, meet needs, and declare truth. The culture a mother provides is the best antidote to the current culture divide. I saw in this newest mother's home, multiplied the world over, mothers answering the call of a baby, which will bring trust and peace, not only in one tiny home, but to the world at large. Motherhood, the calling that shapes the world, one mother and baby at a time.

Have You Packed Your Ancestors?

My daughter packed her bags about three weeks ago in preparation to have a baby.  With all the usual is a very unusual packet of papers.  She has packed pictures of her maternal ancestors who are coming to the birth with her. I wouldn't be surprised if Heaven arranges to have her maternal ancestor angels there in person as well.  Angela is going to do what the women in those pictures have done for millennia - bring a child through the veil of mortality.  She will invite a helpless, hungry baby in her life. Her greatest joys and deepest sorrows will be in and around this greatest of adventures. She will take upon her the journey of the ages to raise a child; nurture and love like her ancestor mothers. She will mentor and coach like her mother ancestors. She will teach, train and educate in the maternal patterns of the millennia. She will whisper in her baby's ear, she will read at her bedside and teach the volumes of light and truth in her soul.  Every word she speaks and action she does will speak what she knows and believes. She will defend and protect with her husband as millions before have. She will have more influence on this little soul than any other living person.  

What I love about bringing the stories to birth is the symbolic and actual looking to the past for strength. While new to Angela, the maternal lineup that precedes her coming has been going on for thousands of years. What did they know? And what can they share with this new mother?  

Her great, great grandmother Patty Sessions delivered 4000 babies as a midwife.  Great great, grandmother Rachel told the sheriff who came to take the cows for payment because the crops failed when there was no water; "I have a young baby, and I need the milk." He responded, "Lady, I will leave you the best cow." and he did.  Great, great grandmother Anna crossed the ocean from Germany with her husband, baby and toddler to give them a better life.  Great, great grandmother Jean rode the trolley car every day to go to work to provide food for her six children and great, great grandmother Clara, seven months pregnant made a bed for her three children in the train station when there was no place to stay. These are a few of the stories in the bag.

In these stories, she can find sanctity of life, determination, and courage. She can find compassion, hope, and joy. She can find strength, beauty, and stability. According to the oft-cited study from Emory University,  knowing family history gives a sense of wellbeing, emotional stability, connection and identity.  (Deseret News) Who better to look to for strength than those who sacrificed to love and bring you here?  While my daughter is far away, I know that she and her husband won't be without family. The family is packed in the bag!

Helping Others Get Past Barriers

Ahhh...the end of the year, a time for self-reflection and self-assessment. The joy and brutality of reality!  And the great news is: Yes! I can change! The very fact that we can identify where we want to improve is evidence that we can. Name it and claim it! Or name it and forsake it. 

Who are you? And what do you love? What are your strengths? Skills? Fears? Weaknesses? What do you want to be known for? What do you want to overcome? What scares you the most? What gives you peace? What do you have to contribute to others? Who do you want to please?  What will you be glad you did? What will you wish you had done? What holds you back? What motivates you? What do you feel is your life mission? Do you know the answers to those for you as well as the ones you love?

Recently I asked myself some hard questions and wrote down my responses. I was looking for more joy and chose to change some simple routines. One was to be at the crossroads with snacks and a listening ear when the children come home from school.  Another was to make space dailyfor something I love to do. Results often come from small consistent changes. Results also come from compassionate listeners who reflect our thoughts and feelings when we get stuck or have difficulty clarifying or recognizing where the obstacles are.

The day I came home from my little self-assessment, my son met me in the kitchen and  said, "Mom do you want to talk about last night's argument about how to clean up?" I agreed and He said, “You are fearful about meals.” I agreed and he asked, "Why?" With paper and pencil we went through the reasons why and it was an interesting exercise. I had all kinds of negative emotions wrapped up in everything to do with food and it was helpful to identify them. One was that there wasn’t enough time for me to fix food and get my stuff done. Another one was the children won’t turn out right unless they help with home and meals. I listed more reasons on paper.  For two hours he listened to me. He helped me examine my thoughts and face them. The day before he had asked himself, "What is the one thing I could do to help my mom?" His conclusion was to help me walk through my emotional barriers related to food. By the time we were done we had spent about 4 1/2 hours in discussion. We spent half a day to solve this problem! We talked about ownership and strategies, and he walked me out to the freezer where I started to implement some solutions. What a gift of understanding to help me move forward.

The process was a win-win because I was empowered to face a fear and he would get better food! When we help others reach their goals, often we find ourselves reaching our own. Success is often on the other side of helping someone else. Careful listening and understanding can provide entrance to another's heart and insight into our own journey. After this experience I find myself more aware of barriers each of us face and the part I could play in helping others remove blocks and barriers to their goals. So often we find identity and personal power to move forward as others listen carefully to us and express faith in us - a simple but powerful hinge on which progress moves. 

First Steps

Recently I marveled as I held a very young child who locked his legs as I tried to set him down and insisted on walking with my help. Determined! Over and over, he straightened out his legs and clung for dear life to my hands and started moving forward. If he stumbled or fell, he was right back up. 

The room I was in was full of mostly young adults learning to dance, at a Birthday Celebration Regency Ball. These young adults were also taking the first steps of a dance being taught. They stumbled a little, enjoying the challenge, but perhaps not quite as determined as the child. I thought of the first steps of many in the room: first steps of college, first steps of grad school, and first steps at parenting. 

Our entire lives we are taking first steps! First day of school. First day of a job. First day of college. First day of marriage. First day of parenting. Each begins a journey of learning and growth, sometimes painful and hopefully leading to joy. My sweet mom, experiencing first steps of aging and losing independence, stated yesterday, "I have so much to learn!" The aging process is a journey as well. 

Often we experience fear, criticism, self-doubt and failure as we try new things or meet the challenges in our path. And no wonder! Moving forward, taking steps requires courage, bravery, and inner strength. It takes courage to take the steps to change, forgive, listen instead of speak, speak in front of others, try something new, speak up for yourself or others, marry, parent, set boundaries, let go of anger, admit when you are wrong, visit the dentist, and share a dissenting opinion without being disagreeable. All of these are steps that help us gain confidence and independence just like the first steps of a child. 

I chose my favorite ways to take the first steps toward progress, take courage and conquer self-doubt from several readings and my own experiences. I hope by sharing them, you will be encouraged to take steps in your life that carry you forward as well as build strength in your children. Here they are:

• Read. Being well read in a variety of topics gives you the confidence to share and confidence to ask good questions.
• Be disciplined. Consistency gives you hope and confidence in yourself. You can trust yourself.
• Recognize when you are uncomfortable. Acknowledge it and move through it.
• Stand up for your beliefs. 
• Share your struggles and listen to others struggles. Learn from them.
• Dance! Sing! Speak! Write! On your own. By yourself. And in front of others.
• Face the lies in your mind. Put truth in their place.
• Follow ideas and dreams that come to you.
• Get help.
• Acknowledge your weaknesses. Work to change them to strengths.
• Express gratitude. Don't be intimidated by others strengths. Be grateful for them.
• Be vulnerable. Accept that others might not approve or be kind.
• Serve others. You will validate your gifts as you see how they help others.
• Set goals. Confidence comes from many small successes.
• Face and name your fears. Make a plan and follow it. 
• Let go. Trust. 
• Learn from your mistakes. Make a plan and follow it.
• Change your habits, change your schedule, change your thoughts.
• Learn to be a cheerleader for yourself. Celebrate daily what you do right.

“If parents want to give their children a gift, 

the best thing they can do is to teach their children to love challenges, 

be intrigued by mistakes, enjoy effort, and keep on learning. 

That way, their children don’t have to be slaves of praise. 

They will have a lifelong way to build and repair their own confidence.”

-Carol Dweck

Power of One

Kaiden, a spunky and sweet fourteen-year-old friend and neighbor was recently called Home with a capital H. My heart is full of all the sweet interactions I had with her. I think of her spunky smile, her conversation after a church lesson about truth and how good it made me feel that she wanted to talk about the lesson. I remember when I learned she loved photography, she was excited to share some photos and I put a meaningful quote on it for the young women in our neighborhood. I remember her glowing smile as she sat in church and her willingness to share her goals and encourage others. And then I learn at her funeral, she reached out to everyone. She knew how to respond to people in ways that made them feel loved and understood. At her funeral it was said:  

"She had a smile that could be felt around the block. She was the first to introduce herself to others. She said hello to people she didn't know. She showed love to both those she knew and those she didn't know. She had a smile that could change the world."  - Tim Olsen

Kaiden

And she did. While our fears sometimes inhibit us, her courage to reach out, blessed hundreds and her influence is now magnified 1000 fold with her passing. One of the scriptures she had underlined was from JS 1:33: ..."God had a work for me to do." And that is the message I'll remember with Kaiden. God had a work for her on both sides of mortality. I learn from Kaiden, the small and simple is often profound and significant.  

The power of one, to change, reach out, do or say something has the power to tilt the earth one way or the other and each one of us has that power every day. Thank you Kaiden, for teaching us that profound truth the way you lived your life.

___________________________________________________

Your deed can be as simple as making someone feel special, 
reaching out to a lonely person, 
helping a troubled kid find the right path, 

or comforting a friend who needs a shoulder to cry on. 

The fact is that you’ll be changing the world one good deed at a time. 

-Frank Sonnenberg

What Are We Fighting For?

Ahhh!  September 22nd, marked another successful hobbit party. My son creates space each year for friends to gather and honor the hobbits of middle earth. It is always a delightful gathering of young adults who dress up and enjoy chicken legs, mushrooms, potatoes, and radishes. The shire music is in the background as they eat their lembas bread with herbal tea. They make speeches, sing music and have trivia contests. Two blow torches lit the 144 candles on the cake that honored both Bilbo and Frodo together.  (The blow torches were this years brilliant innovation!) 

Perhaps my favorite moment is at the very end of the movie when, Sam, Rosie, and their children go inside their adorable hobbit home and shut the door. And that is one of the incredibly poignant messages!  Right there. All the sacrifice, battles, difficult journeys, and all the soul-wrenching decisions and desperate attempts against all odds, and all the willingness to plunge into darkness and evil to save middle earth, was so the family could reunite and be safe and happy at home. And that moment at the conclusion of the movie, is the culminating event that justifies all that has just transpired. That small scene answers the question: "What are we fighting for?"  Home. Family. Happiness. Two ordinary hobbits; Sam and Frodo played major roles in saving both Middle Earth and the Shire and the home. 

Sam: And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer.
Those were the stories that stayed with you.
That meant something.
Even if you were too small to understand why.
But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand.
I know now.
Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back only they didn’t.
Because they were holding on to something.
Frodo : What are we holding on to, Sam?
Sam : That there’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo. And it’s worth fighting for. 

- Sam and Frodo in Lord of the Rings

Similarly ordinary people in every country on every continent play major roles in saving their families every day, so that there can be happiness at home when the door closes. It is the good worth fighting for.

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:A_Hobbit_House.jpg