Let’s look behind Door Number One. It was about 10:00 p.m. and I could feel another no win battle beginning. Of course I was busy explaining all the reasons why the answer was “no”. Whine. Cry. Counter accusation. “You never…..” What more was there to say? I felt so done! So I didn’t say anything and I think she thought I was listening. So the tone changed. She reached out to me and I held her. We climbed on a big rock outside and she talked and now I really did listen and acknowledge her feelings. Instant and Big Change. Hearts were being softened in BOTH of us, love came in that door and I remembered (I knew it but I forgot it,) that listening opens doors.
This experience was behind Door Number Two. As we
gathered for a big event, several of the children ignored direction, and came to cross purposes with what we wanted to have happen, trying to be
funny. Big problem! Offended party exited with a big
exit. At this point several
children realize they are not as funny as they thought they were. I
challenged the offending party to go visit the offended and say “I’m sorry,
will you forgive me?” They looked at me
somewhat incredulously. I said, “You’ve
offended and you need to go make it right.” So
they did. They apologized. This took well over an hour, but hearts were
being softened in BOTH parties, love came in that door and I remembered saying
“I’m sorry” opens doors.
Now behind Door Number Three. It was
evening and I was reminding one child of the responsibilities that they didn’t
do. One could feel the child’s spirit
withdraw and I again saw that clouded look in his eyes. It came to me very clearly that this scenario
was repeatedly happening. And the
relationship was going, going, gone. It came to even more clearly that he was
an absolutely amazing child with great talent, capacity and desires to do right
and I was continually overlooking that fact. Whoa!
Stop! Back up! Retreat!
Regroup! Retrench! “Thank you for helping with the dishes, thank
you for your efforts in the garden, thank you for helping your brother with his
room, thank you for staying calm, and thank you for being a happy, smiling
member of this family."
BOTH of our hearts were softened, love came in that door and I
remembered that saying thank you, showing appreciation, and looking for the good, opens
doors.
These doors can only turn on hinges of agency and be opened with gloves of humility. Pride and force destroy these doors. The prophet Moroni said:
…and if ye will lay hold upon every good thing, and condemn it not, ye certainly will be a child of Christ. (Moroni 7:19)
Listening, repenting, forgiving and showing appreciation certainly come under laying “hold upon every good thing.” Perhaps when everything seems lost, we can with all our might “lay hold on every good thing” and watch holiness and miracles unfold.
