"What do you want?" is the recurring question throughout the month of December. I have a better question. What does God want? It is His birthday we are celebrating.
He answers that question: "Love one another, as I have loved you." Feed the hungry. Clothe the naked. Visit the sick. Liberate the captive. Where are they? All around us. Years ago, I was taught about the have and have nots. Everyone has something to give. Everyone needs something from someone else. We all are haves and have nots. Several years ago we befriended a refugee family from another country. Their warmth and kindness back to us is far greater than we have ever given. Often the greatest need is in our homes. Our children and spouses may hunger for approval, need to be clothed in acceptance and taught God's laws and blessings that they may be free.
What does God want? He wants us to make His will ours. Many older couples give freely of their time and money to serve missions. I loved these words Elder Oaks shared from the application of a couple missionary: "Will go anywhere and do what is asked."
And there is the perfect birthday gift for God. "Will go anywhere and do what is asked." There is faith and trust. There is the quest of a lifetime. That kind of allegiance and obedience is protective. It is liberating and life giving. That is the answer to the more compelling Christmas question.
Who am I?
One daughter recently described herself for a display table as:
In an effort to overcome disorganization, I called on a professional organizer. She instructed me to say each day: "I am an organized person." After bursting out in laughter, I found myself putting things away and minimizing clutter as I recited this phrase over and over. Why? Because that is what an organized person does!
When a family member labeled me "unhappy" one day, I thought, that does not, will not, cannot possibly describe me. I will from this moment remember, ponder, recall, live and dwell on the multitude of blessings that are within my grasp every moment of every day. Why? Because I am a joyful person. And a joyful person reflects on wonderful blessings.
And what are our most powerful identities? Mother? Wife? Homemaker? Sister? Neighbor? Daughter? Aunt? Powerful identities show mutual influence in relationships and the power inherent in that to lift each other.
The one I am searching to understand as it pulls and tugs at my mind and heart insistently is "daughter of God." I can only begin to see glimpses of myself accurately as I really am through His eyes, and when I do, I want to be better and try harder. I feel an increased gratitude for his grace and increased capacity for growth. Opportunities that would never occur to me now become possibilities. The defining words "daughter of God," shape and influence my understanding of self and my relationship with others.
As President Uchtdorf said,
- homemaker
- genealogist
- princess in training
In an effort to overcome disorganization, I called on a professional organizer. She instructed me to say each day: "I am an organized person." After bursting out in laughter, I found myself putting things away and minimizing clutter as I recited this phrase over and over. Why? Because that is what an organized person does!
When a family member labeled me "unhappy" one day, I thought, that does not, will not, cannot possibly describe me. I will from this moment remember, ponder, recall, live and dwell on the multitude of blessings that are within my grasp every moment of every day. Why? Because I am a joyful person. And a joyful person reflects on wonderful blessings.
And what are our most powerful identities? Mother? Wife? Homemaker? Sister? Neighbor? Daughter? Aunt? Powerful identities show mutual influence in relationships and the power inherent in that to lift each other.
The one I am searching to understand as it pulls and tugs at my mind and heart insistently is "daughter of God." I can only begin to see glimpses of myself accurately as I really am through His eyes, and when I do, I want to be better and try harder. I feel an increased gratitude for his grace and increased capacity for growth. Opportunities that would never occur to me now become possibilities. The defining words "daughter of God," shape and influence my understanding of self and my relationship with others.
As President Uchtdorf said,
"... the most powerful Being in the universe is the Father of your spirit. He knows you. He loves you with a perfect love...Just think of it: You are known and remembered by the most majestic, powerful, and glorious Being in the universe! You are loved by the King of infinite space and everlasting time! He who created and knows the stars knows you and your name—you are the daughters of His kingdom... Isn’t it remarkable to think that your very spirits are fashioned by an endlessly creative and eternally compassionate God?"Think of it! He loves me. He helps me. To see oneself as a son or daughter of God is to open an eternity of power and possibilities. I choose that identity as my quest.
Simply Family
G K Chesterton said: “The most extraordinary thing in the world is an ordinary man and an ordinary woman and their ordinary children.” I heard this quote at the World Congress on Families IX this week. All week long I heard wonderful studies, and testimonials and stories of the power and importance of the natural family. Historically and statistically the natural family creates a seedbed for happiness, health, wealth, and education.
I
After all the studies were explained, and the powerful witnesses borne and the historical stability of the ages shared, I knew in my heart that my own simple experiences were the overwhelming evidence of the true, the good and the beautiful about family.
Simply family. Simply learning and growing and learning and growing some more. Sharing ideas, saying I'm sorry, and lending a hand. Cheering, comforting, compromising and affirming each other brings joy.
The simple things today:
Harvesting and preparing the garden for winter.
Picking the last of the tomatoes and broccoli together.
A teenage son hugging me and telling me he loves me.
A child cooking me an egg.
Seeing the ingenuity of my children as they created
a pirate with accordion and Captain America costumes.
Discussing a root cellar together.
Planning our next family meeting.
Laughing together.
I went to the conference to learn about family, and I came home to live the family. I deeply felt the love, hope and faith in my mother as she raised me and my five brothers and sisters. It is that I wish to cherish daily and give to my children and their children. As Stephanie Nielsen, who fought her way back to motherhood after burns on 80% of her body, said, "Once upon a time is real, and happily ever after is true."
I
Footprints Everywhere
"His footprints are everywhere." was said of Elder Richard G. Scott at his funeral yesterday. His words, testimony, and love reached everywhere into peoples lives and blessed them, leaving a "footprint" of truth and light. He blessed mine. One of the truths that has stayed with me, he taught at the Education Week Devotional in 1997 titled Finding Happiness. He shared a dream in which illusions, deceptions and lies were all about in a most terrifying way as he tried to find his lost wife. Only through faith and absolute persistence in gospel truths could he break free from the manipulative, evil and contrived environment. It has helped me immensely to see hopelessness is the illusion, and faith is the absolute reality. He left a gospel truth footprint with me.
It caused me to ponder: Where is the evidence after we have left the room, the home, the neighborhood or this life of truth, love, and kindness? What is left when we have left?
My oldest daughter visited with us recently for a few days. She also left her "footprints." After she left, she sent this text: "I know I don't always leave you all with kind words, but this time I did! Look for them on doors around the house." We found many cards like this all over the house with messages to her brothers and sisters:
For days, I basked in the light of those delightful, positive and loving words. Her footprints were blessing the entire family every day as they walked through the doors of our home.
What about God's footprints? I love these words by James Russell Miller in The Gate Beautiful:
It caused me to ponder: Where is the evidence after we have left the room, the home, the neighborhood or this life of truth, love, and kindness? What is left when we have left?
My oldest daughter visited with us recently for a few days. She also left her "footprints." After she left, she sent this text: "I know I don't always leave you all with kind words, but this time I did! Look for them on doors around the house." We found many cards like this all over the house with messages to her brothers and sisters:
"You are a true friend."
"You make important things a priority, I like that a lot."
"You are a comfort in hard times, thanks for being a shoulder to lean on."
"Thanks for being willing to give your time off work to change my oil."
"Thanks for talking with me about serious life decisions, that was fun."
"You're quick to help others and serve without complaining."
"You bring peace to his house."
"You're smile is delightful."
"You're smile is delightful."
What about God's footprints? I love these words by James Russell Miller in The Gate Beautiful:
Even if there were no assurances in the Bible, telling us of his love, no promises of his care, common daily providence is so full of God that a thoughtful person could not doubt his existence or his care for his children. God is the most real Friend in all the world... We can see his footprints everywhere. We find evidences of his love, his interest, his kindness, in people's lives all about us. If one says he has never seen God, he has at least seen God's faithfulness, evidences of his love, his interest.I know God cares about me, I see His footprints in my life. Who can measure all the truth, and love that is shared in divine footprints. Who can know of the blessing of family and friend footprints that daily lift our sights, give us courage and change our lives.
Locked Out of the House!
Arghhh! I'm locked out of my house! The frantic search for a key began. I returned from a hike and thought my sons would still be home. They were not and the house was locked. The realization came that there would be no frantic pickle project today. The cucumbers would have to wait. Knowing my son would return in two hours, I settled in on the bench by the front door to make a new plan.
The smells and sounds and sights of a warm summer day enveloped me. The clear blue sky with puffy white clouds provided the unending peaceful backdrop for the bending roses, lavender, yarrow and rose of sharon flowers. The garden is full of ripening tomatoes, zucchini, peppers, corn and beans. The near hush of the summer air was almost imperceptibly accompanied with occasional insects and distant city noises. Nature doesn't hurry. Nature doesn't frantically do anything! If the pickles are not going to get done today, what IS going to get done and what matters now today?
And what a needed lesson. I have no trouble making endless lists of what I'm sure are "very important things," It’s rather easy to be busy. but am troubled by the sometimes unsatisfactory feeling that the frantic attempts to accomplish this list sometimes gives me.
President Uchtdorf said: "There is a beauty and clarity that comes from simplicity..." and he taught that those who unnecessarily complicate their lives "often feel increased frustration, diminished joy, and too little sense of meaning in their lives." Then he said, "It is said that any virtue when taken to an extreme can become a vice. Overscheduling our days would certainly qualify for this. There comes a point where milestones can become millstones and ambitions, albatrosses around our necks." ... "We would do well to slow down a little, proceed at the optimum speed for our circumstances, focus on the significant, lift up our eyes, and truly see the things that matter most."
I see the peaceful blue sky trying to teach me doing the things that matter most, will always bring us to the Savior who brings comfort, peace, help, joy, meaning, and life. Some things must go to make room for Him.
Perhaps I should arrange to regularly be locked out of the house.
The smells and sounds and sights of a warm summer day enveloped me. The clear blue sky with puffy white clouds provided the unending peaceful backdrop for the bending roses, lavender, yarrow and rose of sharon flowers. The garden is full of ripening tomatoes, zucchini, peppers, corn and beans. The near hush of the summer air was almost imperceptibly accompanied with occasional insects and distant city noises. Nature doesn't hurry. Nature doesn't frantically do anything! If the pickles are not going to get done today, what IS going to get done and what matters now today?
And what a needed lesson. I have no trouble making endless lists of what I'm sure are "very important things," It’s rather easy to be busy. but am troubled by the sometimes unsatisfactory feeling that the frantic attempts to accomplish this list sometimes gives me.
President Uchtdorf said: "There is a beauty and clarity that comes from simplicity..." and he taught that those who unnecessarily complicate their lives "often feel increased frustration, diminished joy, and too little sense of meaning in their lives." Then he said, "It is said that any virtue when taken to an extreme can become a vice. Overscheduling our days would certainly qualify for this. There comes a point where milestones can become millstones and ambitions, albatrosses around our necks." ... "We would do well to slow down a little, proceed at the optimum speed for our circumstances, focus on the significant, lift up our eyes, and truly see the things that matter most."
I see the peaceful blue sky trying to teach me doing the things that matter most, will always bring us to the Savior who brings comfort, peace, help, joy, meaning, and life. Some things must go to make room for Him.
Perhaps I should arrange to regularly be locked out of the house.
Great Grandma Ruth Comes To Dinner!
One of the great privileges of living on this planet is to meet and learn from others. When we hear their stories, our hearts connect to theirs and we feel more connected to them and ourselves.
Those that have passed on have so much to share with us, so I invited my Grandmother Ruth to join us even though she passed away many years ago. What? Yes. The doorbell rang (conveniently as the prayer on the food finished), and we brought the suitcase in from the porch and unpacked a framed portrait of Ruth when she was 16 with a large satin bow in her hair. We set her framed picture at the table and also unpacked a green brocade dress and more pictures. My mother and I chose several objects and places that related to Ruth's life and created a powerpoint presentation. When I set my laptop on the rotating center of the table, we had what now resembled a "theatre in the round." The orange crates she made into chairs, (thanks google images for the picture of the crates) and the phone she used (thanks again to google) to call the grocer when her husband called to say he was bringing clients home for dinner, made their way around the table as each great grandchild gained insight into her world, her talents, her creativity, and the way she solved her problems. We enjoyed her moist oatmeal cake with broiled icing for dessert.
The children's comments included:
"She made do with what she had."
"Loved it!"
"She was a good cook."
"She was super creative."
I deeply admire Ruth's creativity to make her surroundings beautiful with limited resources and her cooking skills that made family, friends and business associates alike feel loved. Learning about her helped me recognize and renew my desire to make home a loving and beautiful place where those who enter are fed, encouraged and nurtured.
Those that have passed on have so much to share with us, so I invited my Grandmother Ruth to join us even though she passed away many years ago. What? Yes. The doorbell rang (conveniently as the prayer on the food finished), and we brought the suitcase in from the porch and unpacked a framed portrait of Ruth when she was 16 with a large satin bow in her hair. We set her framed picture at the table and also unpacked a green brocade dress and more pictures. My mother and I chose several objects and places that related to Ruth's life and created a powerpoint presentation. When I set my laptop on the rotating center of the table, we had what now resembled a "theatre in the round." The orange crates she made into chairs, (thanks google images for the picture of the crates) and the phone she used (thanks again to google) to call the grocer when her husband called to say he was bringing clients home for dinner, made their way around the table as each great grandchild gained insight into her world, her talents, her creativity, and the way she solved her problems. We enjoyed her moist oatmeal cake with broiled icing for dessert.
The children's comments included:
"She made do with what she had."
"Loved it!"
"She was a good cook."
"She was super creative."
I deeply admire Ruth's creativity to make her surroundings beautiful with limited resources and her cooking skills that made family, friends and business associates alike feel loved. Learning about her helped me recognize and renew my desire to make home a loving and beautiful place where those who enter are fed, encouraged and nurtured.
When our hearts turn to our ancestors, something changes inside us.
- Russell M. Nelson
I Believe in Family!
I believe in family. I believe in family! I believe in family!!!
Last week we orchestrated a reunion. My Great Grandpa Carl and Great Grandma Anna Bertha had eleven children. Each of those branches take a turn hosting the reunion and we were on deck. This is the kind of stuff you don't do alone. And here is the drum roll... My husband and eight children willingly came to the planning meetings, took assignments, and followed through! Oh happy day! The dream has been since the beginning that we could make plans and follow through on big and little things in a happy and cooperative way. WE DID IT! One daughter hosted the art activity, helped put up posters, and another daughter hosted the family history mystery. My sons greeted, made some wonderful homemade games, brought tables and chairs, covered picnic tables, and lead the games. My husband set up the speaker system, helped with games, and my brothers brought drinks and dessert and hosted as MC. I believe in family!
Why is this a victory dance? Because it is possible to practice for years with some wonderful, some marginal, and some disastrous results, and keep moving towards joy! All the times it failed miserably, we were actually learning what works and what doesn't. Amidst the daily difficulty and daily delight, we are getting somewhere! And when it gets hard, I will remember these moments! I believe in family!
Years ago I was watching a children's show. They sang as they held up each finger of each hand, "Where is mother? Where is mother? Here I am! Here I am!" Each finger bows to the other and then says "Run Away. Run away." I remember each finger on the hand corresponded to a member of the family and had a verse. "Where is father? Where is father? Where is brother? Where is brother? Where is sister? Where is sister? Where is the baby? Where is the baby? and then "Where is the family? Where is the family?
I remember being overwhelmed that moment with the thought, "Where is the family? Where are they?" because the family institution was diminishing then. Today the family is disappearing from the horizon even more rapidly. Where is each one? I can only answer for my family. Here I am! And here we are!
I believe in family!!!
Last week we orchestrated a reunion. My Great Grandpa Carl and Great Grandma Anna Bertha had eleven children. Each of those branches take a turn hosting the reunion and we were on deck. This is the kind of stuff you don't do alone. And here is the drum roll... My husband and eight children willingly came to the planning meetings, took assignments, and followed through! Oh happy day! The dream has been since the beginning that we could make plans and follow through on big and little things in a happy and cooperative way. WE DID IT! One daughter hosted the art activity, helped put up posters, and another daughter hosted the family history mystery. My sons greeted, made some wonderful homemade games, brought tables and chairs, covered picnic tables, and lead the games. My husband set up the speaker system, helped with games, and my brothers brought drinks and dessert and hosted as MC. I believe in family!
Why is this a victory dance? Because it is possible to practice for years with some wonderful, some marginal, and some disastrous results, and keep moving towards joy! All the times it failed miserably, we were actually learning what works and what doesn't. Amidst the daily difficulty and daily delight, we are getting somewhere! And when it gets hard, I will remember these moments! I believe in family!
Years ago I was watching a children's show. They sang as they held up each finger of each hand, "Where is mother? Where is mother? Here I am! Here I am!" Each finger bows to the other and then says "Run Away. Run away." I remember each finger on the hand corresponded to a member of the family and had a verse. "Where is father? Where is father? Where is brother? Where is brother? Where is sister? Where is sister? Where is the baby? Where is the baby? and then "Where is the family? Where is the family?
I remember being overwhelmed that moment with the thought, "Where is the family? Where are they?" because the family institution was diminishing then. Today the family is disappearing from the horizon even more rapidly. Where is each one? I can only answer for my family. Here I am! And here we are!
I believe in family!!!
Through My Son's Eyes
I was fascinated by the comments my son made as he arrived home from a full time mission to Madagascar. He saw his previous surroundings in a new light and so did we.
"Look at
all the big buildings!"
"The cars are fast, the roads are wide and no potholes!"
"A stoplight! They tried to put one in Madagascar, but it confused everyone, so they took it out."
"Our frig is stuffed! That has as much cold space as a restaurant in Madagascar."
"Carpet!"
"You have to be so careful when you eat rice, there are rocks in it."
"Cheese is amazing! In Madagascar it tastes like wet socks."
"Lettuce! I haven't had a salad in 22 months.
"Running water!"
"Is it totally OK for me to dish up ice cream?"
"I think I'll take a nap on the grass."
"What if they all came here? I don't think they would be happy."
Now that was revealing! Does our abundance bring happiness? Or confusion like the stoplight? Recently a friend said, "The many choices can be confusing, so when I get up, I choose Christ. Every morning He comes first, and I try to make the day align with that choice." I love that. Whether I'm in a grass hut, an adobe dwelling, a stucco house or brick mansion. I can choose Christ. Every day. Thank you for letting us see through your eyes, Jacob.
Life Changing Purchases
Do I
spend my money on milk? Or books? Food? Or classes? Experiences? Or
items? Home improvement? Or self improvement? Of all the things that
come and go and agonizing over how to spend the finite some, I
wholeheartedly declare the following seven items as the best life
changing purchases!
1. Blendtech. The smoothies have improved my health! One just can't prepare and eat as many salads as you can drink!
2. Lego sets. The hours of imagining, creating and cooperative playing have far outweighed the broken vacuum (which found stray legos). Legos are awesome toys that last for generations.
3. Scanner. The huge boxes and files and cabinets of pictures that I intended to scan someday, now are getting digitized. The picture goes through the scanner and appears on my computer in about 2 seconds. Awesome!
4. Crockpot. If you fix dinner early in the day, then about the time you get that feeling in the pit of your stomach that you should have started dinner, you start smelling the most wonderful smells and you realize it's done!
5. Books! Our favorites include: The Egermeier Bible, Narnia Series (C.S. Lewis) and Just David (Eleanor Porter) come in at the top three. Next come the Mrs. Piggle Wiggle books, Snow Treasure, My Father's Dragon, Phantom Tollbooth, Farmer Boy and Unlikely Heroes. Dozens follow. Who can describe the magical hours we spent in adventure through fantasy, fiction and history in the world of books.
6. Fan. Yes, I know there are white noise machines. I haven't bought one yet, or it would be on this list. I no longer am jarred awake at every sound that echoes through a house with wood floors. It is the background noise so I can sleep.
7. Precious Moments Book. This blank book is where I list all the absolutely darling, adorable, funny, poignant and hilarious things my children have said over the years. "I can't find the vitamins in these carrots!" And "Mom, you are my first hero and my second heroes are scientists and construction workers!"
There they are. These are life changing because life would not be the same without them. Each improved my life or family life in some wonderful way. I'm grateful for life changing purchases!
1. Blendtech. The smoothies have improved my health! One just can't prepare and eat as many salads as you can drink!
2. Lego sets. The hours of imagining, creating and cooperative playing have far outweighed the broken vacuum (which found stray legos). Legos are awesome toys that last for generations.
3. Scanner. The huge boxes and files and cabinets of pictures that I intended to scan someday, now are getting digitized. The picture goes through the scanner and appears on my computer in about 2 seconds. Awesome!
4. Crockpot. If you fix dinner early in the day, then about the time you get that feeling in the pit of your stomach that you should have started dinner, you start smelling the most wonderful smells and you realize it's done!
5. Books! Our favorites include: The Egermeier Bible, Narnia Series (C.S. Lewis) and Just David (Eleanor Porter) come in at the top three. Next come the Mrs. Piggle Wiggle books, Snow Treasure, My Father's Dragon, Phantom Tollbooth, Farmer Boy and Unlikely Heroes. Dozens follow. Who can describe the magical hours we spent in adventure through fantasy, fiction and history in the world of books.
6. Fan. Yes, I know there are white noise machines. I haven't bought one yet, or it would be on this list. I no longer am jarred awake at every sound that echoes through a house with wood floors. It is the background noise so I can sleep.
7. Precious Moments Book. This blank book is where I list all the absolutely darling, adorable, funny, poignant and hilarious things my children have said over the years. "I can't find the vitamins in these carrots!" And "Mom, you are my first hero and my second heroes are scientists and construction workers!"
There they are. These are life changing because life would not be the same without them. Each improved my life or family life in some wonderful way. I'm grateful for life changing purchases!
The Gap Between the Ideal and the Real
The gap. The distance between:
What I am and what I want to be.
My vision of my family and where we are.
My daily to do list and what actually gets done.
C.Terry Warner said at a Women's Week Lecture:
"Without being a mother I can tell you one of a mother’s deepest frustrations. You have on one hand an ideal of how family life ought to be, how the home should be ordered, how the processes of daily living need to be organized. On the other hand, the various human beings, big and little, who are supposed to conform to this ideal of yours are often uncooperative, recalcitrant, willful, independent, unresponsive, sloppy, resistant, disobedient, lazy, and sometimes even subversive or perverse." (Peace First, Then Order, BYU, April 1990)
Yes! That is it! Sabotage! The gap between the ideal and the real is what gets me down. It is all too easy to feel like it is hopeless, impossible and ridiculous. Whatever made me think for even one minute, that I could be successful at taking on the responsibility of creating family life that is rewarding, orderly and joyful? How does anyone find any success in this process?
An ideal exists. It is there. I've seen it in my mind and heart. And I've experienced enough of the ideal to know while it could drag us down, it is also the distance between real and ideal that propels me forward. The ideal is my guide, my light and my passion. Whatever minute measure of success we experience in the visionary direction is exhilarating! I see Zion with enough clarity that its very possibility lights my soul on fire. There is nothing I would rather do. There is nothing more I want. I would labor days to move three inches in that direction. But what is the nature of this labor?
After a philosophical discussion, Terry Warner states:
"Love is the power of those who harbor in their hearts no disposition to dominate. In the image of Christ they move us by their complete unwillingness to force us in any degree. The powers of heaven come to bear when a servant of God refuses to assume power over the people he serves." (Peace First, Then Order, BYU, April 1990)
I've thought and thought and thought about this. Lasting success will only come when they eventually choose order voluntarily. Any chart, program, effort, reward, punishment, whatever it is, by itself, will lack the power that love would give it. Only as I act as a being of love, in clumsy attempts to imitate Him, is the power and light available to change hearts and behavior. This puts all in the family on the agenda of doing hard things.
What I am and what I want to be.
My vision of my family and where we are.
My daily to do list and what actually gets done.
C.Terry Warner said at a Women's Week Lecture:
"Without being a mother I can tell you one of a mother’s deepest frustrations. You have on one hand an ideal of how family life ought to be, how the home should be ordered, how the processes of daily living need to be organized. On the other hand, the various human beings, big and little, who are supposed to conform to this ideal of yours are often uncooperative, recalcitrant, willful, independent, unresponsive, sloppy, resistant, disobedient, lazy, and sometimes even subversive or perverse." (Peace First, Then Order, BYU, April 1990)
Yes! That is it! Sabotage! The gap between the ideal and the real is what gets me down. It is all too easy to feel like it is hopeless, impossible and ridiculous. Whatever made me think for even one minute, that I could be successful at taking on the responsibility of creating family life that is rewarding, orderly and joyful? How does anyone find any success in this process?
An ideal exists. It is there. I've seen it in my mind and heart. And I've experienced enough of the ideal to know while it could drag us down, it is also the distance between real and ideal that propels me forward. The ideal is my guide, my light and my passion. Whatever minute measure of success we experience in the visionary direction is exhilarating! I see Zion with enough clarity that its very possibility lights my soul on fire. There is nothing I would rather do. There is nothing more I want. I would labor days to move three inches in that direction. But what is the nature of this labor?
After a philosophical discussion, Terry Warner states:
"Love is the power of those who harbor in their hearts no disposition to dominate. In the image of Christ they move us by their complete unwillingness to force us in any degree. The powers of heaven come to bear when a servant of God refuses to assume power over the people he serves." (Peace First, Then Order, BYU, April 1990)
I've thought and thought and thought about this. Lasting success will only come when they eventually choose order voluntarily. Any chart, program, effort, reward, punishment, whatever it is, by itself, will lack the power that love would give it. Only as I act as a being of love, in clumsy attempts to imitate Him, is the power and light available to change hearts and behavior. This puts all in the family on the agenda of doing hard things.
So I choose God for the gap. I choose His example, His light, His ideal. Closing the gap with my will and limited vision has resulted in more of the "recalcitrant" results. Only when I seek to be a being of love like He is, set limits and boundaries in my family realm like He does on earth, and repent as fast as I can have I experienced any measure of progress. I choose real and ideal. I'll live with the gap daily, celebrate the joyful moments when they come and give thanks to God.
Random Thoughts on Chores
"What!" "Why do I have to do chores?" "Really?" "I have sooooo much homework!" "I don't have time!" "I'll do them later."
I'd like to share a few random thoughts on the value of chores.
To my children.
Yes.
Really.
Hear me out.
I am a believer.
Why we do chores, projects, assignments, etc. and why we expect you to be respectful, prompt and non complaining about doing them is connected to the following stunning discoveries: (These assigned duties will be hereinafter referred to as CAPs which stands for chores, assignments and projects).
Why we do chores, projects, assignments, etc. and why we expect you to be respectful, prompt and non complaining about doing them is connected to the following stunning discoveries: (These assigned duties will be hereinafter referred to as CAPs which stands for chores, assignments and projects).
1. CAPs help you take responsibility. This matters. A great deal. Those who are given assignments, and learn to act and not make excuses are trusted with more assignments of increasing merit and responsibility. This increases talent and capacity to act. If you are in the habit of making excuses or shifting blame, you will not be trusted with much of anything. Other people will be irritated with you. Do not tell me you do not have time to complete the floor if you just spent 20 minutes playing computer games. The credibility factor is way low.
2. CAPs give an appropriate sense of healthy control over your life. You are in charge of making this happen! So do it. Those who do not accept chores, responsibilities and assignments are more likely to tell others what to do, refuse to help them and may emerge a "control freak." Brothers, sisters, spouses and friends do not look kindly on this trait. You will not be on their grateful list! Without appropriate receiving of delegated assignments, some feel like everything and nothing is their responsibility.
3. CAPs help you see another person's point of view. First, you generally are given an assignment by someone that sees more of the whole picture. Like me; who wants the home clean. You may not see how your kitchen floor scrubbing fits into the grand scheme, but I do. Secondly, some CAPs require mutual cooperation to achieve or finish. You may
have different points of view on how to do a chore. Listening to each
other may produce more effective solutions and results. So with your roommate, with your companion and in marriage.... listen carefully: You will need each others point of view to accomplish CAPs. You will each see things the other does not.
4. CAPs teach compassion. You will realize that others are doing things to help you. You will see that your CAPs help others. When you see each others strengths and vulnerabilities, and the capacity to lift burdens you want to help. You begin to see how we need each other. Case in point: The party is beginning in 20 minutes. I've seen you all race around the home, cleaning, preparing food and putting things away. You care about each other and the imminent party. Family members have compassion on the person who faces possible disaster. The 20 minute before the party hidden camera movie is hilarious.
5. CAPs teach respect. You can see how others assignments or suggestions can be helpful to you. They do something you could not do. You appreciate their talents and see others as equals. You want and value their input. So when someone tells you not to mop the floor with rags tied to your feet, please consider that carefully. Not that it would come up.
6. CAPs teach gratitude. You begin to appreciate others contributions. You may begin to appreciate all who work together with you if their desires are to accomplish the work and ego or pride are not at the center. I always have a happy moment when one of you say to me, "Thanks, mom for dinner." Or "Thanks for picking me up." And I am so grateful to you for sweeping, clearing, cleaning, wiping, vacuuming, dusting, washing, scrubbing, and any other measure that makes home a cleaner, happier place.
CAPs help you learn to work together. I will say this again. CAPs help you learn to work together. Most of life's great work will involve other people. You will never have as much insight, power, and might alone that you could have with other committed people to a united purpose.
The work before us is not the problem. It is the answer. Kathleen Bahr and Cheri Loveless from BYU teach, "And Adam was told, "Cursed shall be the ground for thy sake" (vs. 23, emphasis added). In other words, the hard work of eating one's bread "by the sweat of thy face" (vs. 25) was meant to be a blessing. (http://magazine.byu.edu/?act=view&a=151 0)
And a blessing it is. I know and feel the power behind family members committed to action. Again, Kathleen Bahr and Cheri Loveless said it well: "Here lies the real power of family work--its potential to transform lives, to forge strong families, to build strong communities. It is the power to quietly, effectively urge hearts and minds toward a oneness known only in Zion." (http://magazine.byu.edu/?act=view&a=151 0)
I love that. That is what I want. The chores, assignments and projects teach responsibility, agency, perspective, compassion, respect and gratitude. And most importantly steadily lead us towards Zion.
The work before us is not the problem. It is the answer. Kathleen Bahr and Cheri Loveless from BYU teach, "And Adam was told, "Cursed shall be the ground for thy sake" (vs. 23, emphasis added). In other words, the hard work of eating one's bread "by the sweat of thy face" (vs. 25) was meant to be a blessing. (http://magazine.byu.edu/?act=view&a=151 0)
And a blessing it is. I know and feel the power behind family members committed to action. Again, Kathleen Bahr and Cheri Loveless said it well: "Here lies the real power of family work--its potential to transform lives, to forge strong families, to build strong communities. It is the power to quietly, effectively urge hearts and minds toward a oneness known only in Zion." (http://magazine.byu.edu/?act=view&a=151 0)
I love that. That is what I want. The chores, assignments and projects teach responsibility, agency, perspective, compassion, respect and gratitude. And most importantly steadily lead us towards Zion.
Look Up!
The following depict Christ Church, in Alexandria, where George Washington worshiped with his family, a chapel near my home, and a temple nearby. I love steeples because they remind me to look up!
Look up! Look to God who made you! That is among the first teachings I gave my children as I held them soon after they were born and thanked God for their arrival.
Now that is my daily constant direction. To look up is to exercise faith, feel His love, hear answers, and find comfort. Now in their studies, vocation, mission, marriage decisions, I pray even more fervently; look up! Pray to God. The course of lives can be changed in seeking divine aid and direction. As President Monson said, “It is better to look up!”
Look up not sideways to others for approval. Don't gauge progress and success by others but look up to know what God thinks.
Look up when you are at a loss to know what to do, and know that the Lord will "lead thee by the hand and give thee answer to thy prayers." (Doctrine and Covenants 112:10)
Look up when you are blessed and the sun is shining on you and thank God for his kindness and mercy to you.
Look up when you have decisions to make. "And it shall come to pass, that before they call, I will answer; and while they are yet speaking, I will hear." (Isaiah 65:24)
Look up when you know what to do and others don't understand. Act on truth regardless of the choices of others.
And look up when answers take longer or don't seem to be coming as you expect. Follow Elder Carl B. Cooks counsel to "'stand by your post' until the Lord sends some help, however long that takes. " Keep the commandments, have faith and hold on.
Look up to see the hand of God and know that he will extend his mercy as he did many times to us, in joy, in danger, in sickness, in finances, in relationships, in decisions, in sadness, in answers. We have a heritage of looking to God and seeing His Hand.
I do not have all the answers. But I know God does. And sometimes He shares those with me. Who can number the daily thoughts, the flow of ideas, the warm comfort and love I have felt from the Almighty? I worship a God who cares deeply about me and each one of his children. I worship a God who shares His love and His wisdom. I am blessed when I follow His counsel.
Looking to God as we move forward will help us be more successful than any other thing we do. No skill, no class, no technique, no activity, no amount of money is more powerful than the inspiration of God that can magnify, direct and bless our efforts. Look up!
Christchurchalexandria" by RebelAt at en.wikipedia - Own workTransferred from en.wikipedia. Licensed under Public Domain via Wikimedia Commons -
Look up! Look to God who made you! That is among the first teachings I gave my children as I held them soon after they were born and thanked God for their arrival.
Now that is my daily constant direction. To look up is to exercise faith, feel His love, hear answers, and find comfort. Now in their studies, vocation, mission, marriage decisions, I pray even more fervently; look up! Pray to God. The course of lives can be changed in seeking divine aid and direction. As President Monson said, “It is better to look up!”
Look up not sideways to others for approval. Don't gauge progress and success by others but look up to know what God thinks.
Look up when you are at a loss to know what to do, and know that the Lord will "lead thee by the hand and give thee answer to thy prayers." (Doctrine and Covenants 112:10)
Look up when you are blessed and the sun is shining on you and thank God for his kindness and mercy to you.
Look up when you have decisions to make. "And it shall come to pass, that before they call, I will answer; and while they are yet speaking, I will hear." (Isaiah 65:24)
Look up when you know what to do and others don't understand. Act on truth regardless of the choices of others.
And look up when answers take longer or don't seem to be coming as you expect. Follow Elder Carl B. Cooks counsel to "'stand by your post' until the Lord sends some help, however long that takes. " Keep the commandments, have faith and hold on.
Look up to see the hand of God and know that he will extend his mercy as he did many times to us, in joy, in danger, in sickness, in finances, in relationships, in decisions, in sadness, in answers. We have a heritage of looking to God and seeing His Hand.
I do not have all the answers. But I know God does. And sometimes He shares those with me. Who can number the daily thoughts, the flow of ideas, the warm comfort and love I have felt from the Almighty? I worship a God who cares deeply about me and each one of his children. I worship a God who shares His love and His wisdom. I am blessed when I follow His counsel.
Looking to God as we move forward will help us be more successful than any other thing we do. No skill, no class, no technique, no activity, no amount of money is more powerful than the inspiration of God that can magnify, direct and bless our efforts. Look up!
Christchurchalexandria" by RebelAt at en.wikipedia - Own workTransferred from en.wikipedia. Licensed under Public Domain via Wikimedia Commons -
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