The room I was in was full of mostly young adults learning to dance, at a Birthday Celebration Regency Ball. These young adults were also taking the first steps of a dance being taught. They stumbled a little, enjoying the challenge, but perhaps not quite as determined as the child. I thought of the first steps of many in the room: first steps of college, first steps of grad school, and first steps at parenting.
Our entire lives we are taking first steps! First day of school. First day of a job. First day of college. First day of marriage. First day of parenting. Each begins a journey of learning and growth, sometimes painful and hopefully leading to joy. My sweet mom, experiencing first steps of aging and losing independence, stated yesterday, "I have so much to learn!" The aging process is a journey as well.
Often we experience fear, criticism, self-doubt and failure as we try new things or meet the challenges in our path. And no wonder! Moving forward, taking steps requires courage, bravery, and inner strength. It takes courage to take the steps to change, forgive, listen instead of speak, speak in front of others, try something new, speak up for yourself or others, marry, parent, set boundaries, let go of anger, admit when you are wrong, visit the dentist, and share a dissenting opinion without being disagreeable. All of these are steps that help us gain confidence and independence just like the first steps of a child.
I chose my favorite ways to take the first steps toward progress, take courage and conquer self-doubt from several readings and my own experiences. I hope by sharing them, you will be encouraged to take steps in your life that carry you forward as well as build strength in your children. Here they are:
- Read. Being well read in a variety of topics gives you the confidence to share and confidence to ask good questions.
- Be disciplined. Consistency gives you hope and confidence in yourself. You can trust yourself.
- Recognize when you are uncomfortable. Acknowledge it and move through it.
- Stand up for your beliefs.
- Share your struggles and listen to others struggles. Learn from them.
- Dance! Sing! Speak! Write! On your own. By yourself. And in front of others.
- Face the lies in your mind. Put truth in their place.
- Follow ideas and dreams that come to you.
- Get help.
- Acknowledge your weaknesses. Work to change them to strengths.
- Express gratitude. Don't be intimidated by others strengths. Be grateful for them.
- Be vulnerable. Accept that others might not approve or be kind.
- Serve others. You will validate your gifts as you see how they help others.
- Set goals. Confidence comes from many small successes.
- Face and name your fears. Make a plan and follow it.
- Let go. Trust.
- Learn from your mistakes. Make a plan and follow it.
- Change your habits, change your schedule, change your thoughts.
- Learn to be a cheerleader for yourself. Celebrate daily what you do right.
“If parents want to give their children a gift,
the best thing they can do is to teach their children to love challenges,
be intrigued by mistakes, enjoy effort, and keep on learning.
That way, their children don’t have to be slaves of praise.
They will have a lifelong way to build and repair their own confidence.”
-Carol Dweck
