The Infinite Onion

I took the counsel of Patrick Kearon and sought still moments this season. It is extremely challenging for me because I have been almost addicted to busyness. And I'm trying hard to stop. Think. Be still. Ponder. Repeat. When I expressed a new idea about Christ, my daughter responded with it is the "infinite onion."  While not a profoundly sacred and beautiful title, "infinite onion" is meaningful to me and describes my discovery journey to Christ. The layers of understanding just keep coming day by day and year by year, similar to an onion peeled layer by layer. 

The Christ I understood as a child was the Christ of example. This layer looked like: Be good like Jesus. Be kind like Jesus. We can strive to be like Him. The song "Jesus Once was a Little Child," has always been one of my favorites - the first verse of which is: 

1. — Jesus once was a little child, A little child like me;And he was pure and meek and mild, As a little child should be.So, little children, Let’s you and I Try to be like him, Try, try, try. 

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/music/text/childrens-songbook/jesus-once-was-a-little-child?lang=eng&_r=1

I loved reading Bible stories as a child. God's dealings with his children throughout history was relevant, insightful and inspiring. The life of Jesus provided a standard where I could look and focus. I felt the compassionate invitation to try, try, try.  

The next layer for me was understanding in a personal way that everyone will be resurrected because of Jesus Christ. My sister died when I was in high school. I thought that wasn't supposed to happen. Always praying for healing, that was where our hope was. I wondered what God's plan was and why she suffered so much before she died. While I don't know all things, I saw the loyalty and strength that trial brought to family members and I eventually felt the peace that God has a plan for each one of us and one day we will see my sister again. She said often, "God doesn't always come when we call, but He always comes on time."

Soon after that the layer for me was seeking the attributes of Jesus. In high school, college and during the dating years, my focus tended to be more on the qualities of Christ. Christ was both kind and direct. He is both just and merciful. He obeyed God the Father and picked corn on the sabbath. He had perfect compassion and divine wisdom. These layers taught me that his perfect character could discern how to apply truth and wisdom perfectly in every circumstance. He knew when to answer the scribes and pharisees and when to leave. He knew how to ask discerning questions and how to teach. He delivered rebukes and comfort. He could create and destroy. It all begins with humility, "Blessed are the poor in spirit..." Here I continued my clumsy climb.

During the years of child rearing, I tried to find answers in the word of God. I prayed. I tried to listen. I received many answers. I tried to follow them. Sometimes I failed and sometimes I succeeded. His love for my children was greater than my love for them. His desires for them were more visionary than my vision. His understanding of them is greater than my understanding. More layers of insight came teaching me God's parental love for the earthly parents of his children. And love for me as his growing child. I recall the scripture to  "...lay hold on every good thing." (Moroni 7:19) I felt God teaching me to focus on the what was working more than on what was not working. ...

Now, face to face with weaknesses, trials and challenges of the years, the layers show I need the strength and healing of Christ, more than anything I've needed in my entire life. No one anywhere, anyplace loves me more and wants to help me more, and is more capable of helping me than this one divine being.

More layers are teaching me:

• I need healing as the woman who reached out to the hem of Christ's garment.

• When I don't have enough of time, or energy or resources and am empty like the wedding jars belonging to Mary, I can ask for God's help.

• The well is Him, and fills. The things of this world can never satisfy like eternal truth.  As Dallin Oaks said: "You can never get enough of what you don't need, because what you don't need won't satisfy you." And the woman at the well said, “Sir, give me this water, that I may not thirst, nor come here to draw.”

• When I fail again and again, I seek His strength and his mercy. He is the God of both.

• Like the cleansing of the temple, I need to cleanse out pride and anger and whatever is keeping me from Him.

• When I don't know what matters, I seek His word. "And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things, But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her. (Luke 10:41-42)

• A handful of people around me, including family, neighbors and friends, who are constantly seeking to be like Christ, are the people I am drawn to and influence me most.

Perhaps throughout all the layers of the infinite onion, we hear Him say: "Come unto me." Christ says it over and over - it isn't conditional, and His strength comes into our lives the moment we begin. He wants us to try, try, try.