I Have Qwuoschons

This was my daughter’s letter to Santa one year: 

Dear Santa

For chrismas I want spechel things.  I want:  bitty baby.  Bitty baby car seat.  Bitty baby stroller.  Potty train baby.  Chrismas party with my friend.  Jump ropes.  That’s all. 

Love,

Rosetta

PS. If heavenly father visits you Tell him I have qwuoschons.

About those questions.   I marvel that she had questions to ask.  Because that is how you get answers.  I hope she has lots of questions and she keeps asking and asking.  And if Santa can help, she’s enlisted him too. 

These words are on the front of her notebook:  

Consiter the lileys of the filld.  

I gather from these two literary masterpieces, the following:

"I have questions and I trust Jesus.  He will take care of me." 

 

That is my conclusion too.  I do not know all things, but I do know I have received guidance from Heaven when I lacked direction, understanding when confused, and peace when troubled.  I have questions and I trust Jesus.

"I'm Grateful! How Are You?"

Tonight I found a great solution to a family challenge that has bothered me for several years.  It was rather simple. Why didn't I find a solution several years ago? Hmmmm...... I think I know.  I was so focused on how I thought it should be and how everyone was supposed to fix it, that I wasn't open to solutions or ideas. There was a gift in that problem and I refused it.  Betsy in The Hiding Place was grateful for the fleas.  Well, I could have been grateful for this family challenge and found a solution.  But I didn't.  Until tonight.

Which brings me to two conversations with people I admire.  One was this month and the other about 10 years ago.  

“I am grateful," my son said a couple of weeks ago.  “And why is that?” I asked.  He replied, “Oh, I have a good family, lots of good books, a good place to live, good friends.”  I was surprised  by the happy simplicity. 

Ten years ago I had a conversation with a dear friend.  I asked her how she was doing, and she responded, “I’m grateful.  How are you?”  I was stunned.  And I wanted to be grateful too.

What stole my gratitude?  Was it some feeling of entitlement that the world owes me something?  Do I think I deserve better cooperation? Happier relationships?  More possessions?  More free time? I've read there is an Indian tribe for which the word thank you does not exist.  Am I the same if I refuse to acknowledge the good and express gratitude?

When I'm grateful for each family member's efforts and acknowledge the good, it changes my heart and reality itself.  That is a miracle! 

When Christ healed the 10 lepers, one returned to give thanks. Maybe more than physical healing took place in that simple act of gratitude. Being grateful is not just a nice attribute for nice people who have blessings. It is for the emotionally empty, difficult marriages and rebellious children. It is for those of us with challenging health problems, financial reversal and overwhelming obstacles. It is for everyone who wishes to acknowledge God’s wisdom and goodness, and acknowledge the good in others. It is for all who want healing. 

       So when someone asks, “How are you?” Consider, “I’m grateful, and how are you?”

In His Hands

Some time ago, my son Jacob lay on a hospital bed at Primary Children’s Hospital.  He had severe pain in his abdomen and the doctors determined that his appendix needed to be removed.  The expression that moment on my son’s face was very childlike even at seventeen and seemed to me to be pleading, “What am I doing here?  What is happening to me?  Why am I going through this?  Will I be okay?”   

I’ll never forget what the resident nurse of the emergency floor who was in charge of all that takes place there said and did at that moment to put his anxious feelings to rest.  She patted his arm and said with clarity, conviction, and compassion:  “You are in good hands.  We will take good care of you.” 

I’ve had similar thoughts on difficult challenges: “What am I doing here?  What is happening to me?  Why am I going through this?  Will I be okay?”   What about the health problems?  The relationship challenges?  Addictions?   Employment?   Finances?     

One difficult day several years ago, I prayed early on a Monday morning, “I just need to be held.   Please, hold me, just hold me.”   I went on with my day forgetting my plea.  Later that night, our family gathered for prayer and my oldest daughter walked over to me, put her arms around me to give me a hug and then she just stayed there with her arms around me and held me.  In a flash my morning prayer came to my mind and I had the distinct feeling that God was aware of me and answering my prayer.  He hears me and notices me and I matter to Him.

I feel a loving God say to me.  “You are in good hands.  I will take care of you.”    That understanding is one of the most comforting, encouraging, and motivating thoughts I have ever had.  The most loving, perfect, powerful Being in all creation, worlds without end, tells me that you and I are in His Hands.  And it is going to be okay.

On Being Found...

Lost.  Forlorn.  Forgotten. 

This week, my son attended a football game and heard a small boy cry out, “Mommy, Mommy, where are you?  I can’t find you!”  Then he collapsed on his knees and began to pray.  

Some days I have felt like that, "Heavenly Father, are you really there?  I can't find you!"

I’m exhausted.

My child won’t listen and I’m concerned.

I can't find clean clothing.

I can't console the baby.

I'm so tired.

I don't know why I can't sleep.
It seems as though the mess will never end.
There isn't enough money to cover all the needs.

There isn't any milk in the frig.

That bedroom will never be clean.

...

I drop to my knees.

The thoughts come...

"You are a beloved daughter."

"Your children are beloved."

"Love them."

"Read a storybook to them."

"Learn and Listen."

"I will not forsake you."

From Matthew 27:46: "And about the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? that is to say, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?"

He knows what it feels like.  And he will never forsake me.   Never.

On Prayers... at Home

   There are prayers from this holy, sometimes noisy, often cluttered place.  Prayer to 
   the perfect being from our imperfect abode.  When I hear their prayers and they 
   hear mine, I see into their hearts and together we acknowledge that we 
   desperately need God’s help, wisdom, love and power. 

Some prayers… that have been offered in my home in the early years:

“Help me find my way home from kindergarten today.”

“Help me find my three year old. He’s lost.”

“Help us stop fighting.”

“Bless us to have peace in our home.”

“Help us find another piano.

“Help us find some more plates and cups that won’t break so fast.”

“Help me find a bookshelf for my books that we can afford.”

“Help her do well on her test today.”

“Bless our garden to grow.”

“Help us know how to get the staple out of her tongue.”

We are all witnesses here to many answers to prayer.  Finding the lost child.  The staple fell out.  The piano was found at the surplus store.  The perfect bookshelf was two dollars.  The kind man at the restaurant supply place said, “Take all the plates, you can have them, I would just like to clear them out.”

And then there was the cat.  One child asked for a pet cat.  The answer was no.  So this child kept praying.  Tiger, a striped cat, showed up one day at the back door. Somebody fed him milk and we now had a pet cat.  For good.

The Lord said, “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:”  (Matthew 7:7)

And as Elder Faust said, “There is no quota of how many needs we wish to pray for in each prayer. We do not need to go through secretaries or make an appointment to reach the throne of grace. He is reachable at any time and any place.”  (Ensign, May 2002 p.5)

  

   The best thing I can do for my children is to teach them to look to God for answers.
   I won’t always be there and I won’t always have the right answer, but God will. 

Home - Gifts for Mom

I love gifts!  Presents!  Occasions to celebrate!  There is an old tradition that certain gifts correspond to the year you are married.  For instance the first anniversary is paper, the second is cotton, the third is leather and of course there are the more well known ones, such as the 25^th which is silver and the 50^th being gold.

Wouldn’t it be great to have an established gift list for the number of each child?  This is what I would choose:

Baby Number One:  The Pacifier.

The one with the clip that you attach to the baby’s clothing.  If you’ve used it, you know why.

Baby Number Two:  CD

Lullabies are at the top of the list.  While you are feeding Child One, Child Two is listening to lullabies or other favorite stories and music.

Baby Number Three:  Peanut Butter

A year supply.  Self explanatory.

Baby Number Four:  Washable Art Supplies. 

Washable markers, paint, crayons – the whole nine yards.

Baby Number Five:  Toaster Waffles

A year supply.  Child one is now old enough to put them in the toaster and feed the family breakfast.

Baby Number Six:  Car Kit (sunscreen, combs and a water bottle.)

You comb hair and apply sunscreen before exiting the car.  They are somewhat captive and you will increase your chances for success.

Baby Number Seven:  Shoes

An extra but secret pair for every child.  You hide these and bring out when needed.  Self explanatory.

Baby Number Eight:  Journal

At this point you don’t have time for this, but do it anyway.  You don’t want to miss recording these days, and the truth is, you want this journal with Baby Number One.  These are days to never be forgotten.  The ups, the downs, the teaching, the listening, the struggles and the joys of certain moments can teach you far beyond any earthly educational accomplishments or degrees. The daily discovery and developing relationship with each precious child that God has sent you is a priceless journey to be cherished forever.  So while they are eating peanut butter sandwiches – write in that journal!

In the Beginning God Created...

In the Beginning God Created…

Duct tape bow ties.  A paper bug box – with paper insects to go inside and a live potato bug.  A traveling museum (with dead snake skin and really good dirt among many insects and other living or once living things.)  A homemade library.  A tinfoil tea set (it holds water.)  Shoe box traveling float contest.  Yarn dolls. Twisty tie animals.  A dozen homemade cardboard box doll houses.  A Christ craft center.  This is a partial list of things my nine year old daughter has been making.  Non stop. Tape, scissors, little bits of paper, string, fabric, cardboard, glue - evidence of creation everywhere.

In Genesis we learn God created the earth and it was good.  So what does creation look like in a Holy Home?  I believe we participate in His Creation when we invite children to our home.  I believe we have the privilege to create daily, the conditions, environment, and opportunities that encourage our children to learn of God and to make this world a better place.  And we can encourage and find joy in the creativity of our children - whether it is a grand piano or a grand mess!

The Message is: You Are Loved

Home -

The Message Is:  You Are Loved

One day many years ago, I said some unkind things to my sister.  She calmly turned to face me and said, “I love you.”   Wham!  That was more powerful at changing my heart than any other response ever.  I responded “Oh no you don’t!” but in my heart I knew she did.  I knew I was wrong.  I knew her love had more power and influence than my irritation and pettiness.  I have reflected many times on that small incident with big and lasting impact.

Several months ago, I lost my temper and was frustrated and irritated.  My dear, sweet eleven year old son turned and said, “Mom I love you – how can I help you?”  Wham!  That was more powerful at changing my heart than any other single thing that any other person could have done at that moment.  

What is it that is so powerful when kindness is returned for unkindness?

Why does unconditional love change hearts?  How does one overcome evil with good?

The message is - you are loved.  You are loved unconditionally.  Even with our prideful, recalcitrant, rebellious souls, the message is - you are loved.

I realized that is how God loves each of us.  We are His children that continually fall short of his commandments yet He loves us.  As I strive and fall short – I still feel His love.  And that unconditional love works on me and helps me want to change. 

The Savior said:

A soft answer turneth away wrath.  (Proverbs 15:1) 

Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good. (Romans 12:21)

Therefore let your ^alight so shine before this people, that they may see your good works and ^bglorify your Father who is in heaven. (3 Nephi 12:16)

Thank you Julie and Michael for letting your light shine. 

Home is a Holy Place because in the midst of our unholiness, a perfect God loves us into a more holy life. 

Home-A Holy Place Where Hearts Are Changed

Home - A Holy Place Where Hearts are Changed

Michael was sent to his room for refusing to obey.  His “I’ll never give in” defiant attitude gave me the realization we were probably in for another long battle of the wills.  “I’ll be back in a few minutes to talk,” I said and within maybe two minutes I hear “I’m ready to come out and I’m ready to obey.”  Total shock.  Did I hear right?  Remember, this is the child with the will of the Roman Army.  Out he comes as humble and bright and happy as could be.  What a contrast to the two minutes before when he was as defiant and miserable as could be!

“What caused you to change so fast?”  I said.

“I prayed,” he triumphantly replied.

His heart changed.  Quickly.  Completely. Through prayer.   Wow!  What a lesson for me.  When I pray for the Lord’s help to change my stubborn heart, am I receptive to His help that is so freely given?

I remember when I was so irritated at someone, and the Lord told me He loved her - and I could too.  And the time I was extremely angry and the Lord said “Let it go.” Then He helped me let it go.  And the time I was given an opportunity to serve that I didn’t want, and the Lord showed me the way to gain a love for the people I would serve and a passion for the cause involved.

When we look to God to change our hearts, He helps. And I learned from Michael when we want what God wants more than what we want, we can enjoy the miracle of a changed heart.

As the Winds Blow - Build with Bricks

As the Winds Blow - Build with Bricks

One day I heard my two year old son repeating aloud while holding a book:  “chin-chin-chin… fuff-fuff-fuff… blow house in, chin-chin-chin… fuff-fuff-fuff… blow house in.”  He couldn’t read, but he knew the story of the Three Little Pigs and was recounting it with gusto.  The story reduced to the dramatic climax brought to mind for me the fact that there are forces out there that threaten to blow the house in – my house – your house.  If the wolf hasn’t come or the winds haven’t already started to blow, they will. There are forces of doubt, discouragement, apathy, immorality,  pornography, drugs, false ideas, pride, greed, hate, violence and evil. There are winds of financial disaster, health challenges and devastating accidents.  So how might we protect our house?   I think of the Savior teaching the following parable:

Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock. And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it.  -Matthew 7

The winds, floods and rain pounded on every house – it didn’t matter whether it was built on sand or rock.  So if there isn’t a guarantee against problems, then what protection is in building on the rock?  I’m thinking it is that it will stand.  It will not fall.  It is an inward protection.  It is all about the kind of person we are becoming and God cares about that very much.  He cares who we serve and where we look for strength.  He cares who we are during the storm and after the storm.

Five months into my first pregnancy we discovered there was no heartbeat. I gave birth to a stillborn baby boy.  I was devastated.  But perhaps it was then I began a personal journey of learning to trust the Lord. I felt during that experience God's love for me and some understanding over the years has come piece by piece.  That has given me a pattern to fall back on.  

I watch friends and family who have and do face the winds, floods, and rain of financial difficulty, disappointment, debilitating health challenges, cancer, gender disorientation, rebellion, drug addiction, pornography addiction and accidents who trust God.  I can’t deny the light and hope and strength I see in them as they face their storms with faith in Christ.  If the light they radiate is connected to Him, then building on the rock in obedience and perseverance must be the most powerful weapon against the adversary I can imagine.  

The wolf can’t blow the house down if we look upward to God.  Every scripture, every prophetic teaching, every heaven sent inspiration followed by action is to build brick by brick a personal house of hope, faith and strength that will stand. 

As We Strive To Overcome - God Encourages Us To Be Like Him

I sat in the garage.  I counted to ten.  I had not calmed down one little bit.  I counted again. Still angry.   I counted again.  I counted again and again and again.  One.  Two.  Three.  Four.  Five.  Six.  Seven…  Eight….  Nine.... Ten….  Pause.   Breathe.  “How do I do this?  What kind of mother do you want me to be?”  Perspective starts to return and I begin to see my children’s misbehavior differently.  Instead of feeling like a bad mom, I began to see their disobedience as an opportunity to lovingly remind them of the family rules and follow through with the consequences – with love.  And continue.  With love.  The events that brought me to the garage did not mean a big problem with parenting…. but how I responded to the problem was a critical part of parenting. 

And doesn’t God work with us in a similar way?  When I make mistakes, I feel that He shows me a better way and he still lets me know He loves me.  So I will go back in the house and let them know I love them.  I will remind them that we have rules and consequences in our home because I love them just as God has commandments because He loves us.  He sees the bigger picture and knows that tutoring me in His laws will bring me to greater freedom and understanding.  I want to do the same for my children.

I guess part of the frustration is that I’m in the garage so often.  Can’t I learn this a little faster?  I am not failing.  However painfully small my steps are – nevertheless they are steps in the right direction.  I love these words from D. Todd Christofferson, especially the part about repeated attempts.

…repentance means striving to change. It would mock the Savior’s suffering in the Garden of Gethsemane and on the cross for us to expect that He should transform us into angelic beings with no real effort on our part. Rather, we seek His grace to complement and reward our most diligent efforts (see 2 Nephi 25:23). Perhaps as much as praying for mercy, we should pray for time and opportunity to work and strive and overcome. Surely the Lord smiles upon one who desires to come to judgment worthily, who resolutely labors day by day to replace weakness with strength.  Real repentance, real change may require repeated attempts, but there is something refining and holy in such striving.
http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/the-divine-gift-of-repentance?lang=eng 

I love that!   “…there is something refining and holy in such striving.” Even in the garage.

Home - 

As We Reach Up, Heaven Reaches Out

Perhaps when you think of a holy place you think of a quiet and peaceful religious edifice.  I think of home.  Yes, even though it is generally busy and noisy – and sometimes messy and confusing.   It is quiet and peaceful at 3:00 a.m.  (I checked.)  And it can be holy.  God places us in our family circles where we need and see each others needs so profoundly.   What is so miraculous to me is how often in meeting family needs such as clothing, feeding and caring for others, it feels anything but holy - yet, I cannot deny that in this process of our reaching up, Heaven reaches out. 

Years ago when one of my children was very young, perhaps 3 or 4, I had an interesting experience that I have drawn on again and again.  I recognize it may not apply to other similar situations - but it was a parenting breakthrough for me.  I was giving my son his night time bath.  It was a difficult process because no matter what I said, he did not want to cooperate.  Every effort was a battle, every instruction a fight. I was confused and frustrated.   Why?  What?  How?  I offered a heartfelt prayer to heaven, "Why does he fight against everything I say?"  The thought came so distinctly to my mind, "He doesn't feel in charge of his life."  A quick and clear answer like that was not common for me.  The answer was completely foreign to my thinking.  Is that what he needs?  I thought about it over and over again.   I began to consider more often how to help my children see their capacity to make choices and to own their decisions.  My child needed me to teach him in a truthful way about his power to choose and the consequences that follow.   Certainly it wasn’t the end of conflict for that child or the others, but it was the beginning of a critical new perception on my part. 

My son needed a bath and someone to teach him how to use his freedom. I needed light and understanding.  And “God gave the increase.”  (1 Corinthians 3:6)  Then for a moment – we were in a holy place.