I sat in the garage.
I counted to ten. I had not
calmed down one little bit. I counted
again. Still angry. I
counted again. I counted again and again
and again. One. Two.
Three. Four. Five.
Six. Seven… Eight….
Nine.... Ten…. Pause. Breathe.
“How do I do this? What kind of
mother do you want me to be?” Perspective
starts to return and I begin to see my children’s misbehavior differently. Instead of feeling like a bad mom, I began
to see their disobedience as an opportunity to lovingly remind them of the
family rules and follow through with the consequences – with love. And continue.
With love. The events that
brought me to the garage did not mean a big problem with parenting…. but how I
responded to the problem was a critical part of parenting.
And doesn’t God work with us in a similar way? When I make mistakes, I feel that He shows me
a better way and he still lets me know He loves me. So I will go back in the house and let them
know I love them. I will remind them
that we have rules and consequences in our home because I love them just as God
has commandments because He loves us. He
sees the bigger picture and knows that tutoring me in His laws will bring me to
greater freedom and understanding. I
want to do the same for my children.
I guess part of the frustration is that I’m in the garage so
often. Can’t I learn this a little
faster? I am not failing. However painfully
small my steps are – nevertheless they are steps in the right direction. I love these words from D. Todd
Christofferson, especially the part about repeated attempts.
…repentance means striving to
change. It would mock the Savior’s suffering in the Garden of Gethsemane
and on the cross for us to expect that He should transform us into angelic
beings with no real effort on our part. Rather, we seek His grace to complement
and reward our most diligent efforts (see 2 Nephi 25:23).
Perhaps as much as praying for mercy, we should pray for time and opportunity
to work and strive and overcome. Surely the Lord smiles upon one who desires to
come to judgment worthily, who resolutely labors day by day to replace weakness
with strength. Real repentance, real
change may require repeated attempts, but there is something refining and holy
in such striving.
http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/the-divine-gift-of-repentance?lang=eng
http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/the-divine-gift-of-repentance?lang=eng
I love that! “…there
is something refining and holy in such striving.” Even in the garage.
