My soul is renewed every time I contemplate the story of Jean Valjean an ex-convict in 19th-century France. His story is told in Les Miserables by Victor Hugo. Not too long ago I saw the stage play and marveled again at this man whose life was changed by a priest who showed him kindness. The priest feeds and gives Jean Valjean a place to stay for the night. Valjean takes most of the priests silver and runs off in the night. When the police capture and return him, the priest tells the police that the silver was given as a gift and chastises Valjean for not taking the silver candlesticks as well. After the police leave, the priest tells Valjean to use the silver to become and honest man. Instead of seeing himself as the world did, a dishonest fugitive, he now cries out "I'm Jean Valjean!" This declaration is prompted from the compassion and mercy of the priest and helps Valjean re - create a new life and identity.
How do we re-create our lives? How do we deal with our past that is continually creating our present unless we mark it with intention and turn the ship in a new direction? How do we take patterns or concepts of ourselves that have not served us well, and make them the catalyst for progress? If we can't answer this question, it is easy to be stuck. Not moving. And we don't like that. One of my children pointed out that I needed to sort myself out. In my attempts to do that and in the philosophical and psychological traditional that continuing progress is possible, I recommend the following ideas for conquering, reframing and moving forward. Note here this is my list from me to me. If you find something valuable here, that is a bonus for us both.
1. Identify the defining moments, critical choices and pivotal people in your life. (This idea is from "Self Matters," by Phillip C. McGraw, PhD.)
Write these out and look carefully at your self concept that came out of these three areas. Rewrite any scripts to fit the new you. Negative experiences can be reframed to identify new values we want to live now, and personal power to act in new ways because of the understanding that experience, choice or person provided.
I am so inspired by stories of people who have experienced difficult things and then draw out compassion and direction from their difficulties. The converse is also true. People, choices and moments that gave us positive identity and strength can be lasting personal signposts.
My Dad tells the story of a elementary school experience when all the children piled the desks and chairs against the door. When the teacher came in and asked who did it, one girl stepped forward and said "I did." The teacher then said there was one honest girl in the room. On that day, my Dad decided he would be honest. He wanted to be known like Iris Thomas for being honest.
2. Make a bucket list.
Oh the possibilities! The places you'll go! Setting an intention causes the universe to start aligning with you.
3. Do something new - something out of your comfort zone.
Yes. So I jumped out of a plane. I really did the skydiving thing a few months ago with some dear friends. I went for courage. I went for a redefinition of self. I came out of it with some instructions on redefining myself. If you want to add new things - you have to let go. But that is a post for another day.
4. Do something you have put off.
One sad and bad pattern I am facing is organization and cleaning. I had a prior vision of myself as too busy and overworked and overwhelmed to live those laws. Now I face a personality of pulling stuff out, but not being able to put it back together. Simple tasks like cleaning the linen closet and the paper and card drawer and celebrating my finished successes are healing and renewing.
5. Ask trusted people around you to tell you what they can see about you that you cannot.
Yes. This takes a bit of reckless courage. When two family members told me, I was stunned. It was clear that I couldn't see it, because at first it didn't make sense. From this came two paradigm shifts on how I view my life. This is a reckless act of courage I highly recommend. What I learned is a post for another day.
6. Take time to be still.
Still figuring this one out. So easy for some. There are truths and understandings that cannot come in the busyness of life. My spots are the porch. Early morning. Mountains.
So back to John Val Jean. His life was being true to the vision of who he really was. It was continually realigning his choices with his new identity and the promises he made. It was launched by kindness. What kindness can we do for others to help them launch into healthier paths? And what values can we fix our vision to as we re - create the truest version of ourselves? Those questions are at the core of our identity and the new story we create.
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