Its been a month since my mother passed to the other side of mortality. I've thought often about the concepts that came to me in the middle of the night - ideas of what to share at her funeral. I was given thoughts about her crown, her scepter and the kingdom - ideas symbolic of what she lived every day of her life so well. The words I shared then are close to the following:
I begin with the idea that mom is a queen. As one grandchild said, ""She is more queen than the queen of England." I will use the imagery of a crown, a scepter and a kingdom to try to convey what mom knew. Mom said:
"To become a wife, then a mother, is the greatest blessing and honor of my life. I regard it as the highest holiest most sacred calling to be given me. to become a mother, is one of the most glorious gifts of all."
This is the crown - the crown of identity and moral authority.
.When I was raising many small children close together I often cried out for light. What saved me was my mother's knowledge of God's Plan. I KNEW my mom had something most precious. . I knew it. In those challenging days I would regularly show up at her house with my children, worn out and crying for love and validation. She poured her love over all of us and helped me get through many difficult days. President Nelson said:
“No one can do what a righteous woman can do. No one can duplicate the influence of a mother. ... Women have a special gift for [communicating the love of Heavenly Father and the Savior to others]—a divine endowment. You have the capacity to sense what someone needs—and when he or she needs it.
This divine endowment of seeing and responding to needs can be found in what our family members have shared over time:
- A grandson said: "My favorite thing about grandma is that no matter what you are going through or however hard of a day you are having, grandma will make you feel like you are worth a million bucks."
- A daughter in law said: "She always makes you feel the center of attention..."
- A son said: "I love how Mom will always just sit and talk to you as if you were the only one in the the world! Doesn’t matter what she’s doing, she’ll stop and just focus on you and listening to you with such intent and excitement."
- A daughter in law said: "[She always] gave me a hug when I came through the door. [She] always make me feel loved and appreciated. "
- A grandson said: “What I love about Grandma is how she has always expressed interest in what I am doing and what my current plans are."
- Last night a friend said: "I always feel better after being with her."
In her humble way she focused on others. She was never a drama queen. She never had to be the center. It wasn't about her. She hugged, she wrote notes, she shared her famous onion bread, she listened, she really listened.
I remember calling my mom from the UN in New York to wish her a happy birthday. I remember the stark contrast of the voices devaluing motherhood in the hallways of the United Nations, while I talked with my mother who truly understood identity and put deep into my soul God's plan of love, family and motherhood. The contrast of her voice and their voices stands out clearly in my mind. She understood things that they did not.
That is why I think sometimes the crown looks invisible. The power of mothers to teach the divine is almost hidden from view. In a similar thread, one of moms favorite quotes is from "The Little Prince," "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye. " My Mom could see. What matters was visible to mom. Her dance of identity came from deep within - she knew it, loved it and lived it.
Lets add to the crown. My mom had a scepter - a scepter of power from which she drew strength.
This scepter wasn't to rule others with. This is how she governed herself. What do you do when the world is dark and full of deceit? When your oldest daughter is dying? When life doesn't make sense? When life is HARD! How do you gather the strength to be a queen? The answer is you don't rule others, you rule yourself. This is influence. Mom didn't control people she disciplined her soul .
With what? What is this scepter? This is the scepter of gratitude. This is not a shallow gratitude of "I'm so grateful for everything." It was a profound gratitude to God because she knew she could trust Him. I used to think maybe it was naiveté. it wasn't. She made an intentional choice to be grateful. It wasn't just the teaching from Grandma Jean which she would often share, "If you can't say something nice -don't say anything at all." This if more than a "just be nice" policy. It is a power and weapon to fight the darkness. It came from seeing Gods hand in all things. Mom always said, "God is in charge."
When you see God's hand everywhere, you realize you are part of something grander and greater than you can imagine. And when you see that, you are filled with joy. My mom was filled with joy.
Much of this was learned in the fiery furnace of Julie's health difficulties. Julie's health problems were complex. Julie had near forty surgeries and eighty two doctors, therapists and anesthesiologists. Pain was near constant. Answers were not there. After she passed away at age 30 mom wrote:
"I think of Julie as she continues to bless my life daily. If I were an artist, I would paint her relieved of pain. She would be radiant, whole and well, experiencing great happiness and joy. She would be surrounded by her many loved ones who have also gone on to the other side of the veil. .. .Faith is a gift. I fasted and prayed with all my heart and learned to turn it over the Lord. I did not always understand, but I knew He did. Hope is a gift. Julie's hope was in the resurrection and its promise of a perfect and strong body. Doctors could not offer solutions. Life's dreams of marriage, family and a normal life were not feasible. Still she developed hope. Someday, she knew it would be made right. ...Gratitude is a gift. Where others might have found it difficult to be thankful, Julie expressed gratitude over every tiny little gesture performed in her behalf.... a trait developed through great heartache and anguish."
Mom took this compassion and faith with her to Baltimore where she served a mission with Dad. The first night they became completely lost in a maze of freeways and miraculously arrived through prayer. (This was before GPS.) Another night they had a flat tire in the middle of downtown Baltimore in the night. Miraculously a man showed up and said, I have been sent to help you. My mom saw God's hand all through their mission. A granddaughter said:
“You have taught me so much about being a woman, being a daughter of God and a future wife. You are my hero and example that I want to exemplify in my life. You have overcome some of the most bitter trials that life has to offer and yet at the end of the day; you are a radiant beam of sun giving thanks to God always. “
She trusted God, she danced the dance of gratitude with her scepter of power and majesty.
Third thought: With Dad she created a kingdom.
Building a kingdom for them was to create a refuge and protection from the world - a haven from the world to teach the laws and covenants of God to their children. Mom wrote a children’s book: "How a House became a Home." In its simplest form she was writing the pattern to creating a loving kingdom as she understood it from the raw materials of mortality. The last page is says "This is not the end." I love that. It wasn't the end. The love and its surrounding kingdom lives on. Creating and loving is what the Gods do.
Mom loved creation - appreciating God's beautiful landscapes, birds and nature. She loved to sew, create a beautiful table, and arrange flowers.
Their kingdom was not only for creation, but also a place to renew and heal. It was a place of truth. It was a place of non-judgment. I marvel continually at mom's ability to not judge, reprove, or reject. One grandson said, “The thing I love about grandma is that no matter how dirty I was after working with Grandpa, she would still give me a hug.”
On being accepting I think of a few weeks ago, we brought up something at the table. And she disagreed, or maybe I disagreed but we were all the better for it. We each could learn from what the other could see. And like a hundred other things she didn't judge me for it. It was independent of the relationship. This is glorious. This is what would heal families, nations and our world. unity wasn't agreeing with each other. Unity was to love each other and God.
Mom knew who she was. Her crown of identity was secure. Her scepter of gratitude and joy carried her through the darkness and together with Dad, they build a kingdom - a haven.
So I made a list of things I could do to emulate mom, like be more grateful and joyful, make home clean & beautiful, and then I realized that isn’t it. I needed to go back a layer. My actions may be different as I apply the crown, the scepter and kingdom. It is what SHE KNEW about womanhood. She was true to her mission. A mission largely lost to and rejected by the world. I need to ponder to know more about this divine essential role and how it relates to the world I live in. It isn't just being more grateful and joyful. It's trusting God. It's seeing that God is in charge, letting the gratitude and joy flow. Its taking the raw materials of my generation to build a haven and kingdom, a refuge city from the world.
Of the 2000 stripling warriors, scripture records, "We do not doubt our mothers knew it."
I do not doubt. My MOTHER KNEW IT. She knew the treasures of the kingdom.
She knew it, she loved it she lived it. She heard the music and danced the dance. She laid it out when she said all week, "I love you forever, forever, forever."
As my niece and I sat on either side of Mom almost spiritual midwives and witnesses to an exit and entrance between the worlds, I had distinct and overwhelming and powerful feelings of joy and gratitude for her living true to her mission and God's plan. I felt a greater understanding of the power and gift of the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ as it pertains to eternal family and the resurrection.
Thank you mom! Thank you for teaching us and still teaching us. For loving us and still loving us. I thank God for his joyful plan and the gift of Jesus that makes it all possible.
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