What Will You Do With Your Gifts?

When I asked my children to make a list for Christmas, I told them to think in terms of tools that will help them with their mission in life. I also encouraged them to choose things that could make their life easier in ways that help them accomplish their goals.

At our annual nativity supper on Christmas Eve, I brought up the question, "What will you do with your gifts?" I was referring to all kinds of gifts, the ones we receive on Christmas, the ones we are given in this life, and the gifts we don't recognize as such and their significance.

What will you do about Christmas Gifts?
Are the gifts under the tree going to help you be a better person? Or will they distract you from your goals? Do these gifts increase your capacity or diminish it?

What will you do with intangible gifts?
Are the gifts of knowledge, music or art going to be used for your own gain? Or to bless others? Are these gifts for self making? Or making the world a better place? I promised them that if they used their gifts to bless others, their talents and capacity would increase. If it was all for their own benefit, their capacity and talent would decrease.

What will you do with the gifts of pain and difficulty?

Are we able to turn weaknesses and the weaknesses of others to develop within us qualities such as patience, kindness and non judgmental attitudes? Do we see problems with gifts in their hands?

What will you do with your unique gifts as a family member?

Each family member has gifts that bless us as a family. Each child had a turn as we verbalized their gifts out loud. Here are some of the gifts of my children that the world might not recognize, but bring light and healing to a home. One child has the gift of receiving correction. Her text a few days after Christmas said: "Mom you really love me. You correct me. Isn't that interesting that being willing to correct someone is an important part of love?" Another child has the gift of saying, "I'm sorry." Christmas Eve he said, "Mom, I'm so sorry I haven't been cooperative these last few weeks. Mom, I'm so sorry. I'll do better." Another child has the gift of knowing exactly what needs to happen. Another has the gift of quiet gentleness and compassion. Another has the gift of action. Another has the gift of leadership. Another has the gift of creating healthy relationships. Another has the gift of sensitivity. My husband has the gift of loyalty. How wonderful that they all have different gifts so that we learn to appreciate each other.

What will you do about THE Gift?

The Savior, Jesus Christ, who is the giver of every good gift, the example of every worthy attribute, the source of power and life to our lives is the gift. His gift of the atonement made every other gift operable, meaningful and possible. Every good thing in my life is because of the Savior, his birth, His example, His Atonement and His love. What we do shows our gratitude for His gift. What we live is our gift to Him and will determine our happiness, now and forever.

What Will I Be Known For?

I have been reading about my ancestors. The thousands of thoughts, desires, decisions and actions are often condensed to a few pages. Just a few pages. That is all I have to understand who they were and what they will be known for. This lead me to a stark thought early one morning while in my contemplative state: What will I be known for? After all the days are wrapped into memories, what will those around me see as the sum of who I am? I lamented to my son that morning I would never be known for being a loving mom, because my expectations were high,I want to get things done, and I push hard. He said to me, "Mom you are charity with a hard hat!" I choose to feel comforted by that thought.

A valid daily question is "What will I be known for?" As I look through the accounts of my ancestors I realize that more than their accomplishments, what was evident was what they were working towards and where their hearts were turned. What we are striving to become may define us more than our accomplishments.

What am I striving to become? I want to be known as a loving person with a grateful heart. But that isn't what I am doing now. So today I begin with the counsel from President Monson: "A grateful heart … comes through expressing gratitude to our Heavenly Father for His blessings and to those around us for all that they bring into our lives." In that spirit, today I express thanks to the following and what they have brought into my life; a few things out of the thousands of blessings I could list.

To my husband for being loyal to God and to the family and to me. For taking care of many night feedings when the children were babies, loving me unconditionally, taking pictures and making Sunday dinner three times this month.

To my children who have taught me life's lessons, joy, love, patience, hope and everything that has meaning to me in my life. For the surprise trip to Manti they planned for Dale and me, praying for my health, hugs, letting me read to them, standing by me for support, great conversations, and repairing the front door and broken chair this week.

To my parents who taught me to work hard and love others. For teaching me by example to love the Lord and my fellowmen. They give unselfishly without end every day of their lives. For encouraging reading when I was young, the trip to Hawaii, listening to me even when I am obnoxious, giving me hugs, the piano, and their continual outpouring of faith in me.

To Roger and Melanie Hoffman for their music Scripture Scouts, the music that saved the day then and now.

For the Egermeier's Bible Story Book, the stories that built faith and wonderful reading memories with my children.

To C.S. Lewis for the Narnia series, that we all love and adore.

Jaime Hilton for teaching my children piano for many years. My home is filled with beautiful music because of her love of music and children.

For masking tape that holds up the many quotes, posters and goals through the years. For duct tape that repairs many things.

The Lego Company. For many, many, happy hours.

Riverton Music, Lyon and Healy and Shar Music for selling musical instruments. We now have beautiful violin, viola, flute, harp, cello, and trumpet players.

For the prophets who give eternal, divine counsel that has guided and protected us, especially Elder Klebingat's talk this last conference to "take responsibility for your own spiritual well being." And President Monson's counsel, "We can lift ourselves, and others as well, when we refuse to remain in the realm of negative thought and cultivate within our hearts an attitude of gratitude."

To the Savior for the continual pouring of ideas and comfort and blessings as I seek to raise a family to Him. For His atonement which provides power and encouragement to act and move forward as well as forgiveness for my sins and shortcomings.

There is the hope that my "hardhat" desires to push forward can be accompanied by an outpouring of gratitude that will reflect love of God and of my fellowmen. And that is what I want to be known for.

Counsel in a Council in a Family

Counsel in a council. The brilliance and spirit of group thinking can be stunning! I've seen this principle operate in business, educational and church settings.

But! I love it, absolutely love it, love it, LOVE IT! when it happens in the family. Whether around the table in our weekly family meeting, or one on one in a phone conversation the exhilaration is there. The solutions and ideas that come through individual expression and willingness to work among family members is a glorious prize.

A few of my favorite council moments of insight, help and ideas:

Our family council tablecloth with washable markers produced this illustration from one son that wanted to explain how justice and mercy are all mixed up when the family rules are foggy. He drew this at one meeting.

The family gathering around the table offered help to two daughters who started an art business. We cleaned up, fixed up and prepared an art studio.

Last week on the phone my daughter shared one of her favorite scriptures from Alma 26:6-7 about belonging to the Lord and being in the hands of the Lord of the harvest. It was beautiful. I had never pondered that scripture in a personal way before.

My son asked about family history and what does it mean when hearts turn to the fathers. We went to familysearch.org and found amazing information that was particularly helpful to me that week. I would never have found it had he not asked that question.

In discussion of 2 Nephi 11 we concluded together the principle: Pondering is essential to revelation. One child added, "God won't testify to a sack of rice."

The wonderful moment when my son offered to be manager of the garden. The charts and the descriptions and the discussion were a wonderful beginning to new understandings of stewardship and responsibility.

Our meetings are not always fruitful. Sometimes they are a bit of a mess. However, I've seen enough good come from our small efforts to encourage me to persist in seeking solutions together. From a discussion of the love the people had for their leaders, Moroni and Lehi, who sacrificed for them in Alma 53, one child concluded; "All the big ostentatious special government buildings, palaces, mansions, and congressional meetings are insignificant in comparison to a humble and peaceful home." And there it is. Perhaps if more answers are found in the family, there is less need for programs and politicians. And just maybe all the programs, committees and debates in government settings won't bring answers and peace and love like those possible in a family gathered around a table.

To Help Us Become What He Wants Us To Be

On Sunday I attended three primary sacrament meetings. There are few things that approach the delight of hearing simple and profound truths sung by children with all their hearts to their parents in the congregation.

Each primary sang this song:

The Family Is of God by Matthew Neeley

1. Our Father has a family. It’s me!
It’s you, all others too: we are His children.
He sent each one of us to earth, through birth,
To live and learn here in fam’lies.

2. A father’s place is to preside, provide,
To love and teach the gospel to his children.
A father leads in fam’ly prayer to share
Their love for Father in Heaven.

3. A mother’s purpose is to care, prepare,
To nurture and to strengthen all her children.
She teaches children to obey, to pray,
To love and serve in the fam’ly.

4. I’ll love and serve my family and be
A good example to each fam’ly member.
And when I am a mom or dad, so glad,
I’ll help my fam’ly remember:

Chorus
God gave us families to help us become what He wants us to be—
This is how He shares His love, for the fam’ly is of God.

God gave us families! I already knew it. But I felt it! Again! I could feel the spirit fill the room and my heart with these truths about families. I was reminded that my family must be the focus of my most important, thoughts, plans, prayers and dreams of every day. And I appreciate the reminder that "families ...help us become what He wants us to be-" because there are no perfect families. And you know that gives me hope too. It is a process of becoming. This journey back home is a messy and challenging process. The thing that tugs so deeply at my heart is when I see my children and husband love and serve each other in the family. Our heart filled words and expressions to comfort, encourage, and obey bring a transforming power to our lives. And in those moments home is indeed a holy place.

Leaving Neverland

"You know what you need to do, Mom?" my daughter said, who left for college this week, "You need to leave Neverland!"

She was referring to the longing I sometimes show to have all my children home together and the mixed feelings I have as each child spreads their wings and leaves the nest. I suppose I want to freeze moments in time but then they would never grow up or get older. And that isn't what I want.

She is right. To grow and move on we must leave where we were in some way shape or form. It is called becoming. And when we do it in light and truth, it is called growth. It is called progress.

Adam and Eve left the Garden of Eden to grow, to learn how to be like our Father in Heaven. Each on of us left the Heavenly Home to come to earth. We leave our earthly parents to form eternal family units, the most thrilling, challenging, truly magnificent adventure of all. Evidently we must be willing to leave behind conditions and places to make choices that help us become something. I've seen it. I've felt it. In my small corner, as my children come back after missions and college, there is so much more to share, there is so much more meaning and substance to the family table. So with courage I throw open the doors and say “Fly!” “Grow!” “Become!” And we will pray with you every step of the way.

Knowing that growth is for each one of us, I wonder, symbolically, what thoughts or beliefs must I leave behind to grow now? What is keeping me in Neverland emotionally or spiritually? Do I shrink back from opportunities outside my comfort zone, such as reaching out to others? Do I have fears or doubts that hold me back? Am I in a Neverland that inhibits growth?

Perhaps I’m not moving in a university dorm this weekend, but I can begin to learn and grow in ways similar to my daughter. New beginnings are for everyone who believes in the Atonement of Christ and His capacity to lift and bless. And God is willing to help us leave behind what doesn't serve us well and help us become like Him.

Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature:

old things are passed away; behold all things are become new.

-2 Corinthians 5:17

Clean Your Rooms!

Benjamin gave the family night lesson two weeks ago. It was brilliant; positively brilliant. He issued a family challenge. Each person was challenged to clean their bedroom. Really clean their bedroom. In two weeks, he would announce the winner according to a rubric that identified and graded each area. We were stunned, because his bedroom was not the model bedroom. For years it has been an unyielding monolith of clothes, books and papers that would be correctly designated; matter unorganized. Our attempts to encourage more order and cleanliness were not met with any kind of general understanding that a clean room had value. So the prospect of having everyone excited about the contest to clean rooms was thrilling!

The next question was even more brilliant! “What are the underlying scriptures and principles of a clean room?” He assigned us in teams for the quest. The “cleanliness is next to godliness,” team soon found that it is a wise saying but does not exist in the scriptures. Ideas suggested included:

Excessive things or lost items that steal our time take away from our capacity to accomplish the essential. Having too many things or focusing on things can become idolatry. "Ye cannot serve God and mammon." (Matthew 6:24)

We have a responsibility to take care of our earthly possessions. Our rooms are our stewardship. This idea is related to "every man shall be made accountable unto me, a steward over his own property," (Doctrine and Covenants 42:32)

Bedrooms could be inspiring places. This could be connected to the idea, "I will lift up mine eyes..." Bedrooms can be a source of strength as the remind us of Christ and covenants.

When we learn to take care of small things, we are ready to take care of bigger things. "Thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things.." (Matthew 25:21)

We can share our things with others. "Thou shalt open thine hand wide ... to thy poor..." (Deuteronomy 15:11)

Our homes should be orderly. They should be in the pattern of the temple. “Organize yourselves; … establish a house, even … a house of order, a house of God.” (Doctrine and Covenants 88:119)

We made a lot of progress in five bedrooms in those two weeks. There were bags to give away and bags taken to the garbage. Rooms were vacuumed; even under the bed. It was amazing! It was wonderful!

So what did I learn? Teenagers are full of delightful surprises! Cleaning that is encouraged by a child carries more power than cleaning encouraged by a parent. Clean rooms are in the pattern of heaven, inspiring and help us better focus on what matters. Thank you Ben! Thank you for inspiring us to do better, be better and live truth!

Sacred Time

"Time! Time!" The hobbit called in desperation for time to answer the riddle that would save his life, and there was the answer to the riddle.

Time. It is a riddle. It has me puzzled.

Listen to this statement by Keith B. McMullin: "It can be safely said: As we seek with all our hearts to bring forth and establish Zion, the vexations of too little time will disappear." (LDS General Conference 2002). Hmmmm........ How do I do what needs to be done? And what really needs to be done? And I could I be so possibly further behind each day? And how does that statement apply? One day this week, I was working at a deadline that was completely unforgiving. I longed for cooperation that wasn't coming. Instead the contention, whining and discontent settled in thick. Really thick. I felt completely defeated and knew it was one of those types of days where 20 minutes of work would take two hours, when it desperately needed to be the reverse.

I made the conscious decision to leave my tasks that had to be done before morning and pay attention to the two children. I walked away from what seemed absolutely critical and said I'm going to stop right now and read to my children. Within ten seconds the air was different. Night and day. How beautiful those moments were. But what was really amazing was, time multiplied that afternoon, and the list was accomplished easily. I thought I didn't have time for anything but the list. Sacred time. Heaven bent time for me.

Listening, conversations with my mom about her mom, comforting a frustrated child, praying together, encouraging conversation from someone withdrawn, offers to help, saying I'm sorry, acknowledging a good job, reading scriptures together, making plans, discovering new ideas together remind me that families need sacred time. They need time to forge the shield of faith. Time to strengthen bonds that will last for eternity. Time that is both sacred and holy because it is set apart in a way that makes us closer to each other and the Lord.