Passing the Baton

The wintertime of 1932 was a desperate time for my Dad growing up. There was little money left from harvesting the crops and my grandfather Cyril needed cash for his family. Many men in the community went to California to find work to sustain their families. A state road project in a nearby canyon accepted Cyril's application for him and his team of horses. The family was happy that their Dad had found local work and there might even be a Christmas. Near the first of December, his wife Rachel helped him put on a sheep lined overcoat to protect against the below zero temperatures and prepared a small lunch as he left for his newfound work and the family dreamed of unfamiliar prosperity. 

From my Dad's history we read:

On the second or third day of my father's employment...he came home in the middle of the day. My mother expressed great concern to why he was home...He then informed Mother that his responsibility on the road project was to use his team of horses to remove dirt from a high area down to another area to cover the pipe or culvert they were installing under the roadway. He then explained to Mother...that the men were complaining that he was delivering too much dirt before they could successfully shovel it around the culvert. After the second or third complaint from the men that my father was working too hard and making more work for the men than they desired, the foreman of the contract stated to Father, "Unless you slow down and the men stop complaining, we don't need your help anymore."

 

This, to my father, was surrendering his honesty and integrity for an honest day's work. If he could not do an honest day's work for an honest day's pay, then he would not work. So after the third admonition by the foreman, my father was asked to leave the job and his employment was terminated. 

My mother said, "Is it that important for your position, that you would sacrifice the precious cash that we need for the family?"

My father then went out to the barn and found other work for the next couple days to keep himself busy and to keep his mind off of the problems that he had created because of his stance for honesty and integrity.

It was either on the second or third day after the episode that the same foreman stood at our front door ...and asked if he could come into our home. ...He then said to both of them that they had tried to get other teams of horses and other men and scrapers to pull the dirt down from the top of the hill on to the pipe and culvert, but none could do the job..."Would you consider my apology for our position and your determination to do the right thing and will you come back and do the work? The men have all agreed they will not complain about your efforts."

This made a deep impression on my Dad of the value of hard and honest work. Later in life he said, "My life in addition to other objectives is to help my grandsons to learn the blessings of work." His goal has been a great blessing to me because he spent thousands of hours teaching my children skills and working by their side. The gifts of personal empowerment and self worth that working gives growing children is one of the greatest gifts my father gave me, and my children. 

He marveled later in life as he traveled that he, the boy who slept with the turkeys, could enjoy the incredible places this world has to offer, a world unknown to his parents. The capacity to work hard, and play hard, to feel gratitude for the blessings that hard work brought to him, kept him from a sense of entitlement. His example of work and gratitude is a lasting heritage and legacy I hope to pass on to my children and grandchildren. This story will be one of the ways I pass that baton.

Let it Begin with Me

Let There Be Peace On Earth was a song I sang in the 70's. The song is more relevant today yet the goal farther away. The next line in the song says, and let it begin with me. 

Where do answers begin for the national unrest, violence, and rioting? How do wrongs get righted? How does a nation heal from the divide and racial tension? If violence is met with more violence, we have more violence. What if, the acknowledgement of our inhumanity and racist practices brought us to personal reflection and thoughtful kind action instead? What if each of us considered those we know of differing cultures or races and we reached out in kindness? What if we made necessary adjustments in our capacity to love and respect others? What if our awareness brought us to engage in acts of kindness or service we might not have otherwise done? 

From USA Today: Jamil Zaki, a Stanford professor who studies kindness, explained its role in the current movement. “People often ask me why I titled my book 'The War for Kindness',” he said, implying that kindness and fighting are incompatible. “I don't think they are. In a culture of increasing inequality, loneliness and anger, we must fight back to reclaim our common humanity. In today's world, kindness is a radical act.”

One day one of my children came home from school having been bullied by a neighbor. At first, my husband and I were indignant and thought surely if the parent is made aware, the situation will right itself. Instead, after discussion our child took cookies to the door of the neighbor guilty of bullying. There never was another incidence with bullying from that neighbor.  

Now I'm not naive enough to think that chocolate chip cookies will solve the severe and brutal injustices that occur. I'm not so ignorant to believe that just being kind solves all world ills. I'm not suggesting we do away with courts, law and punishments. But I am simple enough to believe that beginning within ourselves, our families and in our homes, we can add kindness. It's possible the sum of many simple kind words and acts are the math will make the world that much better.  

A fascinating ancient war story is told of a war loving group that came to know God's love and wanted to show their remorse for their blood thirsty past. They literally dug a pit and threw their weapons in. Yes, in future wars, some died without their weapons, but many of their aggressors, changed their lives because of the humility and conviction of those they were killing. 

In the popular movie of the 50's, Ben Hur, the main character Judah Ben Hur is obsessed with revenge for the malicious and hardened Masala, who betrayed him and caused him years of slavery in the galleys and imprisonment for his sister and mother. Esther, a family servant watching this anger and says in a moment of truth to Ben Hur, "It is as if you had become Masala!"  If we are not careful we can become what we hate. We can be guilty of what we accuse. 

Looking inward at who we are and for any way we might be contributing to the problem is the first step toward healing. Acknowledging, and appreciating the legion of kind acts during this pandemic by individuals, families, neighborhoods, companies, and groups everywhere who see a need and take action can help us focus on the kindness that is part of our global DNA. Taking active steps to live with respect and dignity towards others and teaching our children is another critical step. Every response that pushes the darkness back brings a little more light and kindness into this world. Let it begin with each of us.

Contentment

I started out with one nice lambs ear plant many years ago. Now I have many lambs ear plants. They tend to be aggressive and spread out. They are a nice silver, grey, blue color with a small purple flower on it and are soft as, well, a lambs ear. So I let the lambs ear plant grow near a mum. I didn't protect the mum and the lambs ear pushed the mum, then grew over the mum and eventually choked out the mum. I let something good take over something better. And I want to stop doing that. 

There is no end to the things and opportunities we can add to our lives. There is no end to  good things. But if we aren't careful these many good things crowd out the best things in our lives and choke them out. For instance, outside events may crowd out sacred, family time together. Too many things keep us too busy taking care of those things, and crowd out contentment. Too many activities can crowd out personal, rejuvenating quiet time for our souls. For the last 20 years roughly, there has been an explosion of information, opportunities, connections, ideas, products, gadgets, things, in the name of comfort, ease, convenience and progress. As we add these things, we feel like we are progressing. And progress is not bad. For instance the convenience of online shopping can simplify and save time. (I love amazon prime-theoretically that is, after I've researched 14 similar items and read 492 reviews.) But does our pursuit of good things choke out the essential? Do our opportunities crowd out our connections to self, others and God? 

Our current culture also shows that the relentless pursuit of more of everything and perhaps the accompanying illusion of progress is parallel with a rise in stress and anxiety.  And many of us keep going for more, more, and more. More of everything. In this quarantine space of slowing down, I'm discovering less is more. We are cleaning out spaces in our cupboards and on our calendars and our souls during these weeks of quarantine. We are taking out the aggressive lambs ear and making space for the mums of conversation, connection and introspection. And with that I am experiencing a feeling and value, rarely applauded and  somewhat foreign to our culture called contentment. Contentment is the peace and prize of knowing priorities are in place and what is enough. It is the work that no one can do for another. Only we ourselves, can call out and subtract what is crowding out the things we value most. 

Herein is the tension of the competing values of progress vs contentment -the challenge described by Richard A. Swenson, MD as "We have the honor of living in the most interesting time in the past 2000 years. It is an emotional challenge, an intellectual feast and a spiritual privilege."  One of the opportunities in this pandemic is to slow down and meet the challenge of finding the prize and price of contentment in a culture of abundance and progress. It is the challenge of what to let grow and what to cut back. In the face of all that is available, contentment may yet find its way to be the new prize of the 21st century, as it was centuries ago.

My crown is in my heart, not on my head, 

Nor decked with diamonds and Indian stones.

Nor to be seen: my crown is called content: 

A crown it is, that seldom kings enjoy. 

- Shakespeare

Slowing Down

Move! Hurry! Faster! More! I don't have time!

Guilty. These phrases describe how I thought for many years up until March 2020 when life slowed down because of the worldwide pandemic and subsequent quarantine. Our quarantine experience I recognize may be drastically different from areas that are hard hit by the corona virus. 

While people in the medical, food and education fields may have out of necessity accelerated their lives, for many families with busy lifestyles, most activities came to a screeching halt. And that halt for me brings a renewing and healing.I'd like to share my story of the previous weeks and focus on the gifts that have come to us in this time of slowing down and uncertainty. One night, as we were eating clam chowder in bread bowls my son prepared for the family, sharing perspectives, laughing, and cleaning the kitchen together, I was moved by how connected each person was to each other. I felt gratitude that each family member was so interested in each other's lives and I felt overwhelming gratitude as I cherished these moments. While each has school and or work responsibilities, our daily gatherings together are full of warmth and love. The love shows up in one child's homemade pizzas, another's African burritos, another's willingness to water the garden, the hilarious easter egg hunt, and willingness to help each other with creative projects such as flying cardboard airplanes, chocolate chip cookies and making soap. Memories of nerf gun wars, hammock readathons and watching inspiring videos fill my heart with gratitude. Piano music, duets and singing fill the air. Hymns, classical, Disney, "Let it Go" and "Over the Rainbow bring a smile to my soul. I'm especially grateful for meaningful conversations, planning and apologies. Most of all I'm grateful for the scripture sharing and weekly opportunity to worship God together. Yes, there have been a few short lived clashes, and yes we have irritating habits and problems, but that isn't what defines this sacred and beautiful time together. 

My story of these last few weeks is also one of facing weaknesses. It is a time to own my emotions and my actions - a time to face poor habits that have brought anxiety to myself and unhappiness to others. It is a time to make new commitments and keep them. My new story is one of breathing deeply, pondering carefully, journalling questions and answers. Slowly but surely, I feel more connection to God and to my family. This story is the story I want to grow as I embrace new habits and changes.  Each family's experience is unique. For me, these last few weeks have brought gifts of connection, peace and focus.

The current global pandemic is a story that will be told for years to come, but there is another story even more important. That story is the story of you and your family during this space of quarantine time and what follows it. What will be your story?  What defines your days in the current changes and challenges you face? And if there is heartache, grief and suffering, I hope our story will be to help alleviate the suffering in your story. For those who are experiencing a brief respite from the busyness of life, the slowing down offers a chance for renewal, opportunities for connection within the walls of our home and space to ponder and focus on what matters most in our lives. 

...we would do well to slow down a little,... 

focus on the significant, lift up our eyes, 

and truly see the things that matter most. 

-Dieter F. Uchtdorf

What Are You Holding On To?

What do you hang on to? Where is your stability? What is constant for you in the current global pandemic?  Various levels of quarantine from "social distancing," to "hard quarantine," the world as we know it turned on end in March. With all social events cancelled, economic, physical, and emotional challenges all around us, many of us are wondering what happened? When my locality experienced a 5.7 earthquake shortly after the pandemic, I found myself asking, What is certain? What do I know? What do I hold onto at times like this? 

I'd like to suggest the simple power of our words and our stories are the places we reach in order to sustain, continue and endure in difficult times. Our words and stories are key to our emotional and mental survival. That which our mind feeds upon and reaches for becomes the reality of our thinking and basis for action. When we become aware of our thoughts we can consciously create and and choose them. Without that skill it is all too easy to fall into fearful and chaotic thinking. As we bring order to our own thinking we help our children bring order to theirs. We can choose the words and stories we focus on, so that we can be part of the solution and not part of the collective world fear. May I share a two brief resources of words and stories I draw upon:

• My Father, now an angel on the other side of mortality, said almost every day of his life, "Let's go!" Never one to fret, whine or complain, my Dad made a plan, then with his famous - "Let's go!' began implementing the plan. An experience from my childhood also comes to mind, when August storms and wind threatened to destroy the corn crop that my brothers had worked so hard to grow. If the crop were destroyed, so would their mission and home ownership goals be destroyed. Our family knelt in prayer that night as my Dad called upon heaven to temper the elements. The storm ceased and the corn was saved. 

• And from holy writ: 
• Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding, in all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths   -Proverbs 3:5-6
• The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower. -Psalm 18:2

I reach for words and for my stories. I know that words have power to calm. I have seen the power of words to comfort. I have heard words of cheer. I have felt confidence that God rules in the heaven, and can bring understanding solace and stability back to individuals, families and nations according to their faith and His will. 

                                Pixnio

The First Political Order

I heard this idea the other day and I've been thinking hard about it for days. "Husband and wife are the first political order - and the first grass roots organization." I heard this idea from Valerie Hudson, Bush School of Government and Public Service, Texas A&M University recently. Valerie Hudson pointed out that how women are treated in the home, is how the nation goes. If women are not treated well, the nation is almost without exception a violent nation. I propose that as the family goes, so the nation goes. Here, I’d like to focus  on the power of the family unit as a political order - given that a possible definition of a political order is the way people living in groups make decisions about education, economics, health, laws, conflict, values, and caring for others. Whether conscious or not, how parents set up their homes in these areas is reflected in the national state of affairs and conversation. 

So what do I mean? 

Lets look at economics or family finances. Who provides for the family? Do children have responsibilities? Chores? Do they pay for any of their own things? Are they given an allowance or earn an allowance? If children are expected to earn and pay for various things, it is likely they will have an attitude of contribution and responsibility. If they expect mom and dad to pay for everything, is help always outside themselves? Do they expect the government to take care of them as they grow into adulthood? Simple family economics are part of the larger national economic conversation of personal responsibility vs. national responsibility. 

Lets look at education. In the family, who decides what the child learns? Who reads to the child? What do they read? What values are taught in these early years? Do they learn honesty? Compassion? I know families that regularly read classic literature then discuss the character and values taught. The parents decide the child's first curriculum of books and values. Those types of books and values become what is reflected in the schools. The curriculum will reflect the values of the homes in the community, and the values of the media they allow in their home. If in the home, there is no moral education, no emphasis on honesty and morality, should we be surprised if our schools are valueless and promote risky sexual behavior? Are we surprised when our national leaders lack integrity? 

Lets look at law and order. Who decides the rules of the home? Who enforces the rules? What do the rules do for the family? What happens when children don't keep the rules? What if there are no rules? I know families that have meetings that identify rules, and consequences then they follow through with compassion and love. Children can learn cause and effect, personal responsibility or they can learn to complain, blame, and justify. How does this home order translate on the national political order? If there isn't respect for home law, should we be surprised when people cheat at work or in their business dealings? Surprised when leaders and companies are dishonest? Then rationalize and justify? 

Let's look at caring for the poor. I know a family that chooses a community service for each child's birthday. Do children raised like that feel a responsibility to serve their neighbor? Or if we take care of ourselves only, should we be surprised if we expect the government to take care of everybody with no personal effort on our part?  

Parents, the first political order, are acting daily in those areas of education, economics, health, laws, conflict, values, and caring for others. While we don't usually use those terms,  those activities are exactly what is being played day after day in the homes of the nation. The first political order is what sets the tone for the community. As the family sets up order, values and practices, so the national security, national sovereignty and national happiness is molded, influenced, and created. As we witness the difficulties and challenges of our nation, we might well look to the home; where order is created first. 

Life is Sacred

My mind is on babies and my belief that life is sacred. This post is to share my heart and views on one of the most divisive and controversial issues in America. This post is neither comprehensive nor thorough, but observational, personal and heartfelt.

Recently I watched "Unplanned," a movie telling the true story of Abby Johnson who resigned from her position as clinic director from Planned Parenthood after witnessing an abortion. The movie exceeded box office predictions grossing 21 million worldwide. It is the moving story of Abby who regretted her own two abortions and her participation in killing thousands of babies at the Planned Parenthood Clinic. She joins the pro life movement and exposes the purpose of financial gain from killing the unborn. The images were graphic and the story compelling.  The after story is Abby Johnson creates "And Then There Were None" (ATTWN), a registered nonprofit organization that exists to help abortion clinic workers leave the abortion industry. Hundreds have left the industry since the movie came out in 2019.

Last week, I attended our state capitol pro life rally. Dusty Johns, the keynote speaker, shared her heart wrenching story of family abuse and her decision to abort her child conceived in an abusive relationship. Her boyfriend and mother encouraged her to have the abortion. She described the abortion as painful, compassionless and humiliating. She tells others her story in the hope of preventing other mothers from going through the same experience.

My son and my daughter attended the rally as well. They share my view that life is sacred. I asked my daughter what her takeaway was and she answered "the ripple effect." The ripple effect describes what abortion leads to in society. One common argument for abortion is, "its my life, my business." But the ripple effect says, what we do individually, and privately adds to the public attitudes and practices, making it public business. The ripple effect says this is moving outward and reaches other shores. We discussed three ripples effects from abortion:

First. When abortion is legal, condoned and encouraged, it sends the public message, it is okay to kill babies. It leads to marginalization and bigotry. If the size is small enough, the cell count low enough, the sound only a heartbeat, you don't have rights. The easier to obtain abortion, more more accepted it is, the more this idea of privileged and unprivileged groups is perpetuated. It devalues all our lives, if the youngest among us are not valued. 


Second. It perpetuates a public culture of irresponsibility. While a common argument is that women have more freedom with abortion and the "right to control their bodies," the truth is, it actually promotes irresponsible sex and a hook up culture because the consequence of having a baby is eliminated by abortion. The net effect is women pay the price for irresponsible men with uncommitted relationships. If a baby is aborted the woman also pays the emotional and physical price as well. 


Third. It sends a public message that a boundary for convenience can be legislated. Many states have a 24 week ban on abortion. New York recently passed a law that abortion is legal until the day before delivery. Where does that lead? Is it possible then for convenience to make killing legal the day after delivery?  Two days after? Under age two? Older people? Over 92?  What else is inconvenient? 

What we send out, ripples out. I believe in women, men, families, children and babies.  The time spent with my children, and granddaughter is some of the most cherished and growing time of my life. I cherish these relationships. So much can be said of the joy, the simplicity, and the humility of a child. Children love life and we have much to learn from them. They are key to our freedom and happiness. 

I believe in the choice to protect life and the unborn. After hearing Abby Johnson and Dusty John, I also feel that pro-life is pro-woman. Clearly, both women and babies need support. My hope is that the solutions and creative options to help each individual woman and child can be brought to the table so that the bitter and divisive struggle between pro-life and pro-abortion isn't centered on angry accusations and demands but on the fact that life is sacred, and that there are many choices that can preserve the dignity of a woman and the life of the unborn child. I cheer every mother and father on, in their heartfelt efforts to nurture and protect life. The ripple effect from those nurturing, protecting attitudes would make this earth a safer place for all of us. 

________________

...Human rights are not a privilege conferred by government. 

They are every human being's entitlement by virtue of his humanity. The right to life does not depend, 

and must not be declared to be contingent, 

on the pleasure of anyone else, not even a parent or a sovereign." 

-Mother Teresa 

(full quote here: http://www.stjoanofarcchurch.org/Downloads/e8304718-37cb-4c45-81c8-4cb54ae8eb99.pdf)