Come to the Party!

I posted this announcement on the refrigerator this week:

Family Party!  We invited each one of you eight children to our home.  We love you.  We are grateful to be with you every day and learn and grow with you.  We could not be more thrilled to have you be a part of our family.  Each day is a privilege and we want to cherish every good moment.  This is the best ongoing family party ever! 

This party wants to return to Heavenly Father one day.

Today, Thursday, you are lovingly invited to:

• Share some insights and observations about your day with us.
• Pray and discuss gospel doctrine with us.
• Come make and eat holiday treats with us tonight.
• Clean your room
• Tell your brothers and sisters you  love them.  Thank them.
• Help do dinner dishes without complaining or whining.

Blessings to receive:

• Peaceful heart
• Love
• A good time now and great memories forever
• Increased capacity to do good.
• Power
• The Spirit of God

Up it went, invitation to all.  When I get discouraged about the many, undone and unaccomplished tasks, I want to consider the invitation that is open all day, every day for yesterday and every tomorrow, that God gives strength and help as we seek to do His will.  That is what came to me at 3:30 a.m. when my mind was full of anxious thoughts.   The Savior is inviting us every day to come to Him.  How exciting those invitations through His prophets and scripture are! 

But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.  

(1 Corinthians 2:9)

We can be enthusiastic about  the commitments and we can make and rejoice in promised blessings.  We can see the invitations for what they really are!  Opportunities to come to the biggest and best party ever!

No Poor Here!

It was going to be a great day.  Really it was.  However; after the initial planning, the discontent and tension was everywhere.  I thought we all came together and made a lovely plan.  Not so.  Frowns, and unhappiness.  Now, note that it is September and there is food to put up in our garden.  Note that this becomes a high priority every day.  Pay close attention:  My priorities are probably not theirs.  Their wants and needs are different than mine. This should not be a revelation to me, but it took a while for it to sink in.  As I sat waiting for parent teacher conferences and pondering and praying over the unhappy turn of events, it became clear to me that we did not pay attention to their wants and needs that morning in the planning process.

There are three definitions of Zion in Mosiah 7:18, the last being "there was no poor among them."  Well, we had poor.  What is poor?  Needs and wants are not met.   Aha! Their wants and needs were't even on the planning board. So I made a phone call.  I knew what they wanted:  One wanted a hike, two wanted free time and one wanted good food. 

We followed through.  The hike, the free time, the good food.   The recalcitrant, unhappy people became more pleasant, cooperative souls.  They were willing to help with my need to dry apples. And I learned something.  While all wants and needs can't always be taken care of immediately, it is critical that we pay attention, close attention, very close attention to the wants and needs of those around us.  God created an earth where we have many opportunities to meet the needs and wants of others.  And nowhere is that more important than in the home, where we build Zion first.  What can I help you with today?  What do you need?  How can I bless your life?  Golden questions that say, "There will be no poor here!"

An Abundance of Zucchini

We have a garden.  And it is August.  Which means harvest time has begun.  One of the great and eternal truths of gardening is that there is always more than enough to share. It is evident that I worship a God of abundance.   

I have lots of beet greens, kale, corn, melons and peppers.  I have buckets of cucumbers and cherry tomatoes.  I also have lots of zucchini. Piles of zucchini. Zucchini "pressed down and running over."  (Luke 6:38)  Everywhere I look in my garden I see and feel abundance.  There is plenty for all.  No need to be hungry.  Enough and to spare. 

Could I have that in my home?  Everywhere I look and hear, could we create an abundance of things of the spirit?  Can we produce an abundance of the kinds of words that fill the air with healing, joy and connection?

I want to hear an abundance of kind, helpful and reassuring words:

• "How can I help you?"
• "You are amazing."
• "Just right!"

I envision an abundance of listening words:

• "I hear what you are saying."  
• "That must be hard, how can I make it better for you?"
• "Help me understand."

And the air would be filled with healing words:

• "I'm sorry."
• "I forgive you."  
• "I care about you."  

The abundant home would have buckets of hugs and kind deeds.

Recently one of us had an epic meltdown.  No abundance. Lack of adequate sleep. Shortage of listening.  Famine of caring.  Barren of understanding.  Dry of hope.  My child was like a wilted plant.  As water to a thirsty plant, my child revived with the persistent attention of kind and healing words.  Not until there was an abundance of humility, listening and caring, was there healing.   The light came back in her eyes as I sought to understand.   

God gives so abundantly to us and evidence of his love is everywhere.  How vital that we feel it and share it with those all around us, especially in our homes. We all desperately need emotional light, air and warmth.   How joyful when it is returned back again to us.

I love this verse from Luke 6:38
     "Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, 
      and shaken together, and running over." 
 
Every time I walk into my garden, I am given ample evidence to remind me that God's love is abundant and I can give abundantly.

"I Get to Choose!"

 I Want What I Want…

“I want to be my own kid!” my daughter said.  Hmmm……

“What does that mean?” I asked. 

She replied, “I get to choose what I want to do!”   We worked out a plan and several days later she commented, “Being your own kid, is harder than I thought!”

I Will Listen to What You Want...

It was a pickle bottling day.   One child wanted sliced pickles and another wanted speared pickles.  After the initial, “I want my pickles sliced.”  “I want my pickles speared.”  Their conversation moved to, “Why do you want them that way?” and then “What if we did some pickles speared and some sliced?” 

Hooray! A family breakthrough! Listening and respect was at the core of the discussion.   So simple.  So beautiful. Perhaps you need to have witnessed more than a few conversations gone awry with raw selfishness, punctuated with the attitude, “I want what I want,” to catch the beauty of this moment.

I Will Do Whatever You Ask…

There are heroic moments in every family.  Many times in a struggling moment, one son will come up to me and with a voice that carries all the joy of a hero in rescue mode and says “What can I do to help you, Mom?  I’ll do whatever you need.”  Oh the joy of hearing a child so willing to help and heal!

How does this apply to my relationship to God?  Do I say, “I want what I want?

Do I say,  “I will listen to what you want.”?  Or can I say, “I will do whatever you ask.”?

The Savior, the perfect example of this said: “For I came down from heaven, not to do mine own will, but the will of him that sent me.”  (John 6:38)  And President Benson said: “When obedience ceases to be an irritant and becomes our quest, in that moment God will endow us with power.”

Oh the challenge of getting our hearts right! Each day offers opportunities to answer his commandments.  When I see the blessing of having a child with a willing heart, perhaps I catch the smallest glimpse into the heart of God.  The one offering he accepts, but never demands, is the offering of our heart manifest in choosing “I will do whatever you ask.”   I'm grateful for God's tutoring love and patience in the move from "being my own kid," to trusting in Him and being able to say, "Thy will be done."

Opening Closed Doors

Last month I pondered the closing of childhood doors and opening adulthood doors. Today I’m thinking about emotional doors. What do you do when walls go up?  When doors are closed? When relationships are strained?  Three experiences or “windows” into” family life have led me to these Three Doors: 1. The Listening Door.   2. The I’m Sorry Door.   3.  The Thank You Door.

Let’s look behind Door Number One.  It was about 10:00 p.m. and I could feel another no win battle beginning.  Of course I was busy explaining all the reasons why the answer was “no”.  Whine.  Cry.  Counter accusation.  “You never…..”  What more was there to say?  I felt so done! So I didn’t say anything and I think she thought I was listening. So the tone changed.  She reached out to me and I held her.  We climbed on a big rock outside and she talked and now I really did listen and acknowledge her feelings.  Instant and Big Change.  Hearts were being softened in BOTH of us, love came in that door and I remembered  (I knew it but I forgot it,) that listening opens doors.

This experience was behind Door Number Two. As we gathered for a big event, several of the children ignored direction, and came to  cross purposes with what we wanted to have happen, trying to be funny.  Big problem! Offended party exited with a big exit.  At this point several children realize they are not as funny as they thought they were.  I challenged the offending party to go visit the offended and say “I’m sorry, will you forgive me?”  They looked at me somewhat incredulously.  I said, “You’ve offended and you need to go make it right.”   So they did.  They apologized.  This took well over an hour, but hearts were being softened in BOTH parties, love came in that door and I remembered saying “I’m sorry” opens doors.

Now behind Door Number Three.   It was evening and I was reminding one child of the responsibilities that they didn’t do.  One could feel the child’s spirit withdraw and I again saw that clouded look in his eyes.  It came to me very clearly that this scenario was repeatedly happening.  And the relationship was going, going, gone. It came to even more clearly that he was an absolutely amazing child with great talent, capacity and desires to do right and I was continually overlooking that fact.  Whoa!  Stop!  Back up!  Retreat!  Regroup!  Retrench!  “Thank you for helping with the dishes, thank you for your efforts in the garden, thank you for helping your brother with his room, thank you for staying calm, and thank you for being a happy, smiling member of this family."   BOTH of our hearts were softened, love came in that door and I remembered that saying thank you, showing appreciation, and looking for the good, opens doors.

These doors can only turn on hinges of agency and be opened with gloves of humility.  Pride and force destroy these doors.  The prophet Moroni said: 

…and if ye will lay hold upon every good thing, and condemn it not, ye certainly will be a child of Christ.  (Moroni 7:19)

Listening, repenting, forgiving and showing appreciation certainly come under laying “hold upon every good thing.”  Perhaps when everything seems lost, we can with all our might “lay hold on every good thing” and watch holiness and miracles unfold.

Throw The Door Open!

We opened a BIG door on a Wednesday this month.  My fourth child stepped out of the car, gathered his bags, gave last hugs to all and walked into the open door of the Mission Training Center in Provo.  That also means a door closed.  My little boy will never be little again.  And that is exactly the way it is supposed to be.  I remind myself.  Again.  No!  I will not pull back, I’m going to throw open that door wide!  Fly!  Learn!  Serve!  Grow!  Become!

There have been many doors to open these last 24 years. Open doors to the birth of children. Open doors to kindergarten.  (One child took several months to negotiate that door) Open doors to reading and education and schooling. Open doors to dating. Open doors to driving the car. (Today we prayerfully, carefully drove through busy traffic on the freeway with a new driver.)  Open doors to universities.  Open doors to missions, and eventually open doors to marriage.

But to open doors in front of you means closing doors behind you.  Doors begin closing to babyhood, toddlerhood, childhood and youth.  Those precious moments of innocence that belong to young spirits are so joyous to me.  And yet, new joy comes with each season.  I see my little boy going, but not so long in the distance, maybe my front door will open and coming in will be little boys led by their dad, now a man.

And so, one by one, they are flying, on their own.  I’ve seen their growth!  I’ve seen their becoming!  My daughter sent me these words shortly after she arrived in the Argentine Mission Home:

“Come to the edge, he said. They said: We are afraid. Come to the edge, he said. They came. He pushed them and they flew.” (Guillaume Apollinaire) Isn't that just beautiful?  I feel like that is what the Lord is doing for me...he is taking me to the edge, just like you said Mom, in Indiana Jones, where they step off the cliff and then the bridge appears.

Years ago one child said to a big brother as they left for school, “When you come home, we could play together and be friends!”  My thoughts to my children are, “When you come back home and you have wisdom, compassion and capacity, and a host of talents and virtues and maybe don't need me so much anymore, can we still be friends?  I’ve experienced that.  It is amazing how much richer our relationships are and how great our joint capacity is.  Now we can build so much more than a sandcastle! They are my best friends!  
  
Perhaps one of the things I loved most about the young season was the feeling that we are all family – together - and safe at home.   I believe one of the most joyous feelings that can ever be had must be to come back to that Eternal Home.  Safe at that Home at last.   When Joseph was two years old he said, “Mommy, I’m proud of you.  I’m proud of you when you come home.”

I will not shrink!  Yes!  I’ll fling open that door wide!  Wider and still wider.  Embrace its possibilities and rejoice in the opportunities!  Coming.  Going.  That is the way it is supposed to be.  Fly!  Grow!  Become!

And the hope is that Someone in an Eternal Heavenly Home will say.  “I’m proud of all of you.  I’m proud of you when you come home.”

Let's Applaud Now!

My daughter recently graduated from a local university.  She was awarded a diploma and a title.  In one of the commencement addresses, they referred to graduation as a metamorphosis - the changing of a caterpillar to a butterfly.  They have learned something and become something and they aren't the same as when they started their higher educational journey.   My daughter learned to study hard and make difficult decisions and become financially independent.  It truly was a time of growing and achievement.  I am so pleased with who she is becoming.

Hmmmm.....  I've been working over four years on the parenting "degree"  more time than a bachelors, masters, or doctorate.  Have I "learned" a diploma?  Have I learned anything?  Or have I muffed it all?  I think the courses were more in humility, perseverance and joy.  There were courses of nutrition, child development, transportation engineering, (I made that up) and psychology.  There were courses on art, creativity, music and literature.  There are many courses I am still taking and hope to pass one fine day. 
 
They said a phrase at graduation that I've been repeating in my mind:  "Let's applaud now."  I like that.  Whatever our foibles and mistakes we certainly have learned something!   For every time we became more patient, and more loving, let's applaud now.  For every moment we spent reading and teaching skills, let's applaud now.  For every time we held a crying child and prayed for a son or daughter, let's applaud now.  The journey required more prayer, more patience,  more thought, more study, more pleading, more tears, more joy than any degree I think could ever provide.  I wouldn't trade it for anything.  I learned that God loves his children.  God loves each and every one.  And he is willing to tutor us so we can love and tutor them.  It is a priceless educational journey for which I am profoundly grateful.

Since I'm creating this educational scenario, I think I'd like the title  WL after my name.  Simply for Willing to Learn.  I don't think I qualify for a bachelors, or masters or doctorate of anything, but I am WL:  Willing to Learn     Willing to learn each and every day.  Willing to learn from mistakes.  Willing to feel joy and love and be grateful.  So for every parent out there who is willing,  "Lets Applaud Now!"