The Dangers of Complaining

This is the title of a brief essay I asked my 11 year old daughter to write.  We have been studying Moses and and the children of Israel in the wilderness in home school.  One of their chief characteristics at this point seems to be their constant murmuring and powerlessness to act responsibly.  I'm sure at least part of that must be a result of coming out of a slavery culture with little freedom. 

Part of her essay is as follows:

"If you complain bad things can happen. In the wilderness the children of Israel complained and God told Moses to tell the Israelites to go back to a certain place until they died off. ...God doesn't like it when we complain.  Complaining is a bad thing because nothing is too hard for the Lord.  Complaining is also a way of showing your ungratitude.  The Israelites complained when God just sent them manna and nothing else.  Then He sent them quail and did not thank Him... Instead of complaining we should solve the problem ourselves!  Instead of complaining we could pray to Heavenly Father to help us too.  He does answer everyone's prayers.  If we complain it usually makes the problem worse and brings down everyone else.  If you complain, it makes it so that in the future your brain is trained that whenever there is a problem you need to complain.  Then you are not a very happy person.  God doesn't want us to complain!" 

Insightful!  Our capacity to be grateful, trust God and see blessings is at stake here.  Our ability to act with power and faith is a critical characteristic here.  Brain training is an issue here.

I was reading from Man's Search For Meaning.  Victor Frankl described the prisoners that were set free.  He said initially the prisoners had a difficult time comprehending freedom.  This made me think.  Do we have a difficult time comprehending the tremendous power, strength and freedom available to each one of us?  Or do we complain and act helpless when we fail to find options?  Complaining is easy.  Really easy.  Maybe that is why we do it.  We recently watched the movie The 10 Commandments together. It is easier to see how futile complaining is in that setting.  But we still forget.  It is easy to forget.  Really easy.  Somewhere between burnt toast for breakfast, broken cars, health challenges and more, we fail to see the many good things that are before us daily. To see the good all around us is a pattern worth fighting for - every day. I'm grateful for the incredible examples of my parents, through their challenges, they never complain.  It is a stunning contrast to the common patterns around us.

There are many circumstances that are truly difficult.  There are difficult situations that should cause us to raise our concerns and complaints through avenues that are productive. This issue here isn't if there is or is not something to complain about, it is about how we move forward.  I love this quote by Hartman Rector Jr. for that reason:

"This ability to turn everything into something good appears to be a godly characteristic. Our Heavenly Father always seems able to do this. Everything, no matter how dire, becomes a victory to the Lord. Joseph, although a slave and wholly undeserving of this fate, nevertheless remained faithful to the Lord and continued to live the commandments and made something very good of his degrading circumstances. People like this cannot be defeated..."  Live Above the Law to be Free - Ensign Jan 1973

My sister had close to 30 surgeries in 10 years following a waterskiing accident.  She died at age 31. I'll tell you what I saw.  Pain, difficulty and disappointment beyond belief.  Back surgery, stomach surgeries, shoulder surgery and eventually an ileostomy doesn't even begin to cover the medical intervention in her behalf.  Years of broken dreams and restructuring of expectations.  I'll tell you what else I saw and heard.  Toward the end of her life as difficulties arose, she said, "What do I need to learn this time? Let's learn it and move on."  Although she died, she was not defeated - people like that "cannot be defeated."    They bless the lives of all around them for generations. 

A Refuge From the Storm

My oldest son just walked in the door.  He left an hour ago in a storm and in the pouring rain on the motorcycle to a job interview.   He was quite wet even though he wore a somewhat waterproof jumpsuit.  (It probably was waterproof, but not in 40 miles per hour rain.)  His grin said that all was well.  After hard years of intensive computer science university classes, he is nearing the end of his formal studies and seeking employment in his field of study.   Wet, cold, happy and home. Shortly afterwards, we gathered at the table to enjoy warm chicken, vegetable soup and bread and shared the days events.   The nurturing qualities of warm food and warm conversation were felt in a sheltered place set apart from the world.   I'm so grateful to be able to provide a place for my husband and children to come home for a season before they create their own sacred and holy refuge. From their schools, their studies, their professions, each comes home.  Home to the table.  C.S. Lewis said: “The home is the ultimate career. All other careers exist for one purpose, and that is to support the ultimate career.” 

Come to the table.  Come share in the words of Grace Noll Crowell, “my glowing fire, my loaf of bread,” and “my roof’s safe shelter overhead.”  Be comforted. I love it as family members walk in the door and gather round the table in a meaningful ritual of the many years we have been together.  We come in faithful repetition, but always varying in conversation, excitement and mood.  Now, I truly wish I always had nourishing meals.  I don’t.  I especially seek for enlightening and encouraging conversation at these meals.  It doesn’t always happen.  But it has happened enough for me to know that there is something there to try again and again to create, something of the holy and sacred, a refuge from the storm.

The table of the Lord is referred to in verse 22 of Ezekiel 41.  It is described in conjunction with the house of the Lord, the temple.  On it is shewbread, a symbol of the presence of the Lord.  As we bless each other at our kitchen tables with our offerings of nourishing food, could it be in the pattern of the Lord that gives us our daily bread, both spiritually and physically?  Could words of encouragement be in the pattern of the Lord who sends the fire of his Holy Spirit to teach us and reassure us?  Could our safe shelter overhead be in the pattern of the Lord who invites us to his safe shelter; a fortress, a haven of strength as we trust in Him?  The patterns and symbols are all around us to instruct us daily.  I want my table, my home, to be a haven of strength and a refuge from the storm.

The Kitchen Table

Nearly every home has some center of gathering. Nearly 20 years ago, my husband and I went table hunting.  I believe at the time we had three children and one on the way.  We found a large solid but simple oak table and 10 chairs and bought it in anticipation of the large family we wanted. Years later, I'm looking at my kitchen table with new eyes and a new heart.  

The kitchen is far more than a place to feed my family. It is the gathering place of the most precious people in my life.  It is here I catch a glimpse into the hearts of my family.  Julie B. Beck said, "True power is found in the hands of a worthy nurturer, especially at mealtimes."  What my children share at the kitchen table gives gives insight as to how I can nurture them, serve them and pray for them. It provides the forum for acting upon many of the promptings received from heaven.

Perhaps more than anything it is akin to an altar. An altar is a place of prayer and sacrifice; a symbol of God's presence.  A kitchen table is a place to acknowledge and receive God's power.  It is a place where my sacrificial offerings of time, food, wisdom, and love can be offered up as well as received. It is also a place of healing.  Much of the meaningful and profound is in the mundane.  It is in the everyday objects we often overlook, and in the daily actions and events of our lives. The table with all its ordinariness, becomes a sanctuary and a refuge as those who sit around it are nurtured and loved.  
    

After making a list of what can be accomplished at the table, I was astounded.  What a powerful tool to strengthen the family.  What a great place to begin changing ourselves, our families and the world.  What a great place to share ideas, make commitments, discuss ideas and carefully listen.  What a great place to offer words of encouragement, share stories, solve problems, comfort and heal.   What a powerful and simple way to make changes today.

Sacred and symbolic meaning is ascribed to the altar. It has been associated with the creation of the world.   As I participate in the daily food and conversation rites of the kitchen table, I too am involved in a creation - the creation of a family, a family striving to worship God and return to that sacred altar to make sacrifices and covenants with Him.

Thoughts On Climbing the Mountain

I live at the base of a mountain.  Lone Peak rises up majestically from my kitchen window.  I've climbed it.   I also had a glimpse of Mount Olympus from my family room window while growing up, and climbed it many times.  The mountain view is always inspiring to me.

But I live at the base.  At the end of 2013 I feel the same way - I'm at the bottom of the mountain.  I have had glimpses of the top; I want to go there, improve, make changes, and overcome weaknesses, and here I sit at the bottom.  

On every hike, I place items in my pack that are simple, useful and light - because I want to get to the top.  

So for 2014:

I'll pack listening.  And take out busyness.

I'll pack praise.  And take out criticism.
I'll pack friendship to family and others.  And take out selfishness.
I'll pack giving.  And take out greed.
I'll pack promptness. And take out procrastination.

I'll pack prayerful pondering.  And see more clearly what needs time.

  

I have two children who pack light, as opposed to the rest of us who tend to accumulate.  One daughter in her high school years, essentially threw out everything  that didn't fit in two dresser drawers, besides clothing and a harp.  One son followed a similar path and I want to be more like both of them. 

Most of the items in the packing list are really hard for me.  There is a reason they are compared to a mountain.  Sometimes overcoming is overwhelming.  Why is it that giving up what we really don't need, and makes us more free, is so difficult to do?  Why do we cling to what hinders our progress?  I don't have the answer, but I'm going to take steps up the mountain and think of the view from the top. 

So less stuff, more life.  Less of trivia, more of what matters. Less dragging my feet and more moving forward with purpose. And the top of the mountain will be exhilarating - it always is!

On Being Willing

It is that time of year when the to do list is much longer than the hours in the day.  Our desires are great and it is overwhelming.   Some time ago, one of my daughters pinned this to her shirt:

What an incredibly powerful declaration:  "If you need help.  I'll help you."  All the fast food, paper plates, and cleaning companies can't match the power of the kind of help on that badge.  All the aid in the world can't match the power of the willing soul.  It brings me to tears every time I see it.  Her offering was the greatest present of all. 

Surely the Lord feels that way about us.  If we need help, and we do, then He will help.  He is anxious and willing and says so in Doctrine and Covenants 84:88, "I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up."

And conversely can the Lord count on my help?  Am I willing?  Can I say, "if you need help. I'll help you"?  However clumsy and misspelled my help is, can I show my love by feeding His sheep? 

Thank you sweet daughter for opening my eyes and heart this season with your simple and willing desire to bless my life.

Come to the Party!

I posted this announcement on the refrigerator this week:

Family Party!  We invited each one of you eight children to our home.  We love you.  We are grateful to be with you every day and learn and grow with you.  We could not be more thrilled to have you be a part of our family.  Each day is a privilege and we want to cherish every good moment.  This is the best ongoing family party ever! 

This party wants to return to Heavenly Father one day.

Today, Thursday, you are lovingly invited to:

• Share some insights and observations about your day with us.
• Pray and discuss gospel doctrine with us.
• Come make and eat holiday treats with us tonight.
• Clean your room
• Tell your brothers and sisters you  love them.  Thank them.
• Help do dinner dishes without complaining or whining.

Blessings to receive:

• Peaceful heart
• Love
• A good time now and great memories forever
• Increased capacity to do good.
• Power
• The Spirit of God

Up it went, invitation to all.  When I get discouraged about the many, undone and unaccomplished tasks, I want to consider the invitation that is open all day, every day for yesterday and every tomorrow, that God gives strength and help as we seek to do His will.  That is what came to me at 3:30 a.m. when my mind was full of anxious thoughts.   The Savior is inviting us every day to come to Him.  How exciting those invitations through His prophets and scripture are! 

But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.  

(1 Corinthians 2:9)

We can be enthusiastic about  the commitments and we can make and rejoice in promised blessings.  We can see the invitations for what they really are!  Opportunities to come to the biggest and best party ever!

No Poor Here!

It was going to be a great day.  Really it was.  However; after the initial planning, the discontent and tension was everywhere.  I thought we all came together and made a lovely plan.  Not so.  Frowns, and unhappiness.  Now, note that it is September and there is food to put up in our garden.  Note that this becomes a high priority every day.  Pay close attention:  My priorities are probably not theirs.  Their wants and needs are different than mine. This should not be a revelation to me, but it took a while for it to sink in.  As I sat waiting for parent teacher conferences and pondering and praying over the unhappy turn of events, it became clear to me that we did not pay attention to their wants and needs that morning in the planning process.

There are three definitions of Zion in Mosiah 7:18, the last being "there was no poor among them."  Well, we had poor.  What is poor?  Needs and wants are not met.   Aha! Their wants and needs were't even on the planning board. So I made a phone call.  I knew what they wanted:  One wanted a hike, two wanted free time and one wanted good food. 

We followed through.  The hike, the free time, the good food.   The recalcitrant, unhappy people became more pleasant, cooperative souls.  They were willing to help with my need to dry apples. And I learned something.  While all wants and needs can't always be taken care of immediately, it is critical that we pay attention, close attention, very close attention to the wants and needs of those around us.  God created an earth where we have many opportunities to meet the needs and wants of others.  And nowhere is that more important than in the home, where we build Zion first.  What can I help you with today?  What do you need?  How can I bless your life?  Golden questions that say, "There will be no poor here!"