I believe in family. I believe in family! I believe in family!!!
Last week we orchestrated a reunion. My Great Grandpa Carl and Great Grandma Anna Bertha had eleven children. Each of those branches take a turn hosting the reunion and we were on deck. This is the kind of stuff you don't do alone. And here is the drum roll... My husband and eight children willingly came to the planning meetings, took assignments, and followed through! Oh happy day! The dream has been since the beginning that we could make plans and follow through on big and little things in a happy and cooperative way. WE DID IT! One daughter hosted the art activity, helped put up posters, and another daughter hosted the family history mystery. My sons greeted, made some wonderful homemade games, brought tables and chairs, covered picnic tables, and lead the games. My husband set up the speaker system, helped with games, and my brothers brought drinks and dessert and hosted as MC. I believe in family!
Why is this a victory dance? Because it is possible to practice for years with some wonderful, some marginal, and some disastrous results, and keep moving towards joy! All the times it failed miserably, we were actually learning what works and what doesn't. Amidst the daily difficulty and daily delight, we are getting somewhere! And when it gets hard, I will remember these moments! I believe in family!
Years ago I was watching a children's show. They sang as they held up each finger of each hand, "Where is mother? Where is mother? Here I am! Here I am!" Each finger bows to the other and then says "Run Away. Run away." I remember each finger on the hand corresponded to a member of the family and had a verse. "Where is father? Where is father? Where is brother? Where is brother? Where is sister? Where is sister? Where is the baby? Where is the baby? and then "Where is the family? Where is the family?
I remember being overwhelmed that moment with the thought, "Where is the family? Where are they?" because the family institution was diminishing then. Today the family is disappearing from the horizon even more rapidly. Where is each one? I can only answer for my family. Here I am! And here we are!
I believe in family!!!
Through My Son's Eyes
I was fascinated by the comments my son made as he arrived home from a full time mission to Madagascar. He saw his previous surroundings in a new light and so did we.
"Look at
all the big buildings!"
"The cars are fast, the roads are wide and no potholes!"
"A stoplight! They tried to put one in Madagascar, but it confused everyone, so they took it out."
"Our frig is stuffed! That has as much cold space as a restaurant in Madagascar."
"Carpet!"
"You have to be so careful when you eat rice, there are rocks in it."
"Cheese is amazing! In Madagascar it tastes like wet socks."
"Lettuce! I haven't had a salad in 22 months.
"Running water!"
"Is it totally OK for me to dish up ice cream?"
"I think I'll take a nap on the grass."
"What if they all came here? I don't think they would be happy."
Now that was revealing! Does our abundance bring happiness? Or confusion like the stoplight? Recently a friend said, "The many choices can be confusing, so when I get up, I choose Christ. Every morning He comes first, and I try to make the day align with that choice." I love that. Whether I'm in a grass hut, an adobe dwelling, a stucco house or brick mansion. I can choose Christ. Every day. Thank you for letting us see through your eyes, Jacob.
Life Changing Purchases
Do I
spend my money on milk? Or books? Food? Or classes? Experiences? Or
items? Home improvement? Or self improvement? Of all the things that
come and go and agonizing over how to spend the finite some, I
wholeheartedly declare the following seven items as the best life
changing purchases!
1. Blendtech. The smoothies have improved my health! One just can't prepare and eat as many salads as you can drink!
2. Lego sets. The hours of imagining, creating and cooperative playing have far outweighed the broken vacuum (which found stray legos). Legos are awesome toys that last for generations.
3. Scanner. The huge boxes and files and cabinets of pictures that I intended to scan someday, now are getting digitized. The picture goes through the scanner and appears on my computer in about 2 seconds. Awesome!
4. Crockpot. If you fix dinner early in the day, then about the time you get that feeling in the pit of your stomach that you should have started dinner, you start smelling the most wonderful smells and you realize it's done!
5. Books! Our favorites include: The Egermeier Bible, Narnia Series (C.S. Lewis) and Just David (Eleanor Porter) come in at the top three. Next come the Mrs. Piggle Wiggle books, Snow Treasure, My Father's Dragon, Phantom Tollbooth, Farmer Boy and Unlikely Heroes. Dozens follow. Who can describe the magical hours we spent in adventure through fantasy, fiction and history in the world of books.
6. Fan. Yes, I know there are white noise machines. I haven't bought one yet, or it would be on this list. I no longer am jarred awake at every sound that echoes through a house with wood floors. It is the background noise so I can sleep.
7. Precious Moments Book. This blank book is where I list all the absolutely darling, adorable, funny, poignant and hilarious things my children have said over the years. "I can't find the vitamins in these carrots!" And "Mom, you are my first hero and my second heroes are scientists and construction workers!"
There they are. These are life changing because life would not be the same without them. Each improved my life or family life in some wonderful way. I'm grateful for life changing purchases!
1. Blendtech. The smoothies have improved my health! One just can't prepare and eat as many salads as you can drink!
2. Lego sets. The hours of imagining, creating and cooperative playing have far outweighed the broken vacuum (which found stray legos). Legos are awesome toys that last for generations.
3. Scanner. The huge boxes and files and cabinets of pictures that I intended to scan someday, now are getting digitized. The picture goes through the scanner and appears on my computer in about 2 seconds. Awesome!
4. Crockpot. If you fix dinner early in the day, then about the time you get that feeling in the pit of your stomach that you should have started dinner, you start smelling the most wonderful smells and you realize it's done!
5. Books! Our favorites include: The Egermeier Bible, Narnia Series (C.S. Lewis) and Just David (Eleanor Porter) come in at the top three. Next come the Mrs. Piggle Wiggle books, Snow Treasure, My Father's Dragon, Phantom Tollbooth, Farmer Boy and Unlikely Heroes. Dozens follow. Who can describe the magical hours we spent in adventure through fantasy, fiction and history in the world of books.
6. Fan. Yes, I know there are white noise machines. I haven't bought one yet, or it would be on this list. I no longer am jarred awake at every sound that echoes through a house with wood floors. It is the background noise so I can sleep.
7. Precious Moments Book. This blank book is where I list all the absolutely darling, adorable, funny, poignant and hilarious things my children have said over the years. "I can't find the vitamins in these carrots!" And "Mom, you are my first hero and my second heroes are scientists and construction workers!"
There they are. These are life changing because life would not be the same without them. Each improved my life or family life in some wonderful way. I'm grateful for life changing purchases!
The Gap Between the Ideal and the Real
The gap. The distance between:
What I am and what I want to be.
My vision of my family and where we are.
My daily to do list and what actually gets done.
C.Terry Warner said at a Women's Week Lecture:
"Without being a mother I can tell you one of a mother’s deepest frustrations. You have on one hand an ideal of how family life ought to be, how the home should be ordered, how the processes of daily living need to be organized. On the other hand, the various human beings, big and little, who are supposed to conform to this ideal of yours are often uncooperative, recalcitrant, willful, independent, unresponsive, sloppy, resistant, disobedient, lazy, and sometimes even subversive or perverse." (Peace First, Then Order, BYU, April 1990)
Yes! That is it! Sabotage! The gap between the ideal and the real is what gets me down. It is all too easy to feel like it is hopeless, impossible and ridiculous. Whatever made me think for even one minute, that I could be successful at taking on the responsibility of creating family life that is rewarding, orderly and joyful? How does anyone find any success in this process?
An ideal exists. It is there. I've seen it in my mind and heart. And I've experienced enough of the ideal to know while it could drag us down, it is also the distance between real and ideal that propels me forward. The ideal is my guide, my light and my passion. Whatever minute measure of success we experience in the visionary direction is exhilarating! I see Zion with enough clarity that its very possibility lights my soul on fire. There is nothing I would rather do. There is nothing more I want. I would labor days to move three inches in that direction. But what is the nature of this labor?
After a philosophical discussion, Terry Warner states:
"Love is the power of those who harbor in their hearts no disposition to dominate. In the image of Christ they move us by their complete unwillingness to force us in any degree. The powers of heaven come to bear when a servant of God refuses to assume power over the people he serves." (Peace First, Then Order, BYU, April 1990)
I've thought and thought and thought about this. Lasting success will only come when they eventually choose order voluntarily. Any chart, program, effort, reward, punishment, whatever it is, by itself, will lack the power that love would give it. Only as I act as a being of love, in clumsy attempts to imitate Him, is the power and light available to change hearts and behavior. This puts all in the family on the agenda of doing hard things.
What I am and what I want to be.
My vision of my family and where we are.
My daily to do list and what actually gets done.
C.Terry Warner said at a Women's Week Lecture:
"Without being a mother I can tell you one of a mother’s deepest frustrations. You have on one hand an ideal of how family life ought to be, how the home should be ordered, how the processes of daily living need to be organized. On the other hand, the various human beings, big and little, who are supposed to conform to this ideal of yours are often uncooperative, recalcitrant, willful, independent, unresponsive, sloppy, resistant, disobedient, lazy, and sometimes even subversive or perverse." (Peace First, Then Order, BYU, April 1990)
Yes! That is it! Sabotage! The gap between the ideal and the real is what gets me down. It is all too easy to feel like it is hopeless, impossible and ridiculous. Whatever made me think for even one minute, that I could be successful at taking on the responsibility of creating family life that is rewarding, orderly and joyful? How does anyone find any success in this process?
An ideal exists. It is there. I've seen it in my mind and heart. And I've experienced enough of the ideal to know while it could drag us down, it is also the distance between real and ideal that propels me forward. The ideal is my guide, my light and my passion. Whatever minute measure of success we experience in the visionary direction is exhilarating! I see Zion with enough clarity that its very possibility lights my soul on fire. There is nothing I would rather do. There is nothing more I want. I would labor days to move three inches in that direction. But what is the nature of this labor?
After a philosophical discussion, Terry Warner states:
"Love is the power of those who harbor in their hearts no disposition to dominate. In the image of Christ they move us by their complete unwillingness to force us in any degree. The powers of heaven come to bear when a servant of God refuses to assume power over the people he serves." (Peace First, Then Order, BYU, April 1990)
I've thought and thought and thought about this. Lasting success will only come when they eventually choose order voluntarily. Any chart, program, effort, reward, punishment, whatever it is, by itself, will lack the power that love would give it. Only as I act as a being of love, in clumsy attempts to imitate Him, is the power and light available to change hearts and behavior. This puts all in the family on the agenda of doing hard things.
So I choose God for the gap. I choose His example, His light, His ideal. Closing the gap with my will and limited vision has resulted in more of the "recalcitrant" results. Only when I seek to be a being of love like He is, set limits and boundaries in my family realm like He does on earth, and repent as fast as I can have I experienced any measure of progress. I choose real and ideal. I'll live with the gap daily, celebrate the joyful moments when they come and give thanks to God.
Random Thoughts on Chores
"What!" "Why do I have to do chores?" "Really?" "I have sooooo much homework!" "I don't have time!" "I'll do them later."
I'd like to share a few random thoughts on the value of chores.
To my children.
Yes.
Really.
Hear me out.
I am a believer.
Why we do chores, projects, assignments, etc. and why we expect you to be respectful, prompt and non complaining about doing them is connected to the following stunning discoveries: (These assigned duties will be hereinafter referred to as CAPs which stands for chores, assignments and projects).
Why we do chores, projects, assignments, etc. and why we expect you to be respectful, prompt and non complaining about doing them is connected to the following stunning discoveries: (These assigned duties will be hereinafter referred to as CAPs which stands for chores, assignments and projects).
1. CAPs help you take responsibility. This matters. A great deal. Those who are given assignments, and learn to act and not make excuses are trusted with more assignments of increasing merit and responsibility. This increases talent and capacity to act. If you are in the habit of making excuses or shifting blame, you will not be trusted with much of anything. Other people will be irritated with you. Do not tell me you do not have time to complete the floor if you just spent 20 minutes playing computer games. The credibility factor is way low.
2. CAPs give an appropriate sense of healthy control over your life. You are in charge of making this happen! So do it. Those who do not accept chores, responsibilities and assignments are more likely to tell others what to do, refuse to help them and may emerge a "control freak." Brothers, sisters, spouses and friends do not look kindly on this trait. You will not be on their grateful list! Without appropriate receiving of delegated assignments, some feel like everything and nothing is their responsibility.
3. CAPs help you see another person's point of view. First, you generally are given an assignment by someone that sees more of the whole picture. Like me; who wants the home clean. You may not see how your kitchen floor scrubbing fits into the grand scheme, but I do. Secondly, some CAPs require mutual cooperation to achieve or finish. You may
have different points of view on how to do a chore. Listening to each
other may produce more effective solutions and results. So with your roommate, with your companion and in marriage.... listen carefully: You will need each others point of view to accomplish CAPs. You will each see things the other does not.
4. CAPs teach compassion. You will realize that others are doing things to help you. You will see that your CAPs help others. When you see each others strengths and vulnerabilities, and the capacity to lift burdens you want to help. You begin to see how we need each other. Case in point: The party is beginning in 20 minutes. I've seen you all race around the home, cleaning, preparing food and putting things away. You care about each other and the imminent party. Family members have compassion on the person who faces possible disaster. The 20 minute before the party hidden camera movie is hilarious.
5. CAPs teach respect. You can see how others assignments or suggestions can be helpful to you. They do something you could not do. You appreciate their talents and see others as equals. You want and value their input. So when someone tells you not to mop the floor with rags tied to your feet, please consider that carefully. Not that it would come up.
6. CAPs teach gratitude. You begin to appreciate others contributions. You may begin to appreciate all who work together with you if their desires are to accomplish the work and ego or pride are not at the center. I always have a happy moment when one of you say to me, "Thanks, mom for dinner." Or "Thanks for picking me up." And I am so grateful to you for sweeping, clearing, cleaning, wiping, vacuuming, dusting, washing, scrubbing, and any other measure that makes home a cleaner, happier place.
CAPs help you learn to work together. I will say this again. CAPs help you learn to work together. Most of life's great work will involve other people. You will never have as much insight, power, and might alone that you could have with other committed people to a united purpose.
The work before us is not the problem. It is the answer. Kathleen Bahr and Cheri Loveless from BYU teach, "And Adam was told, "Cursed shall be the ground for thy sake" (vs. 23, emphasis added). In other words, the hard work of eating one's bread "by the sweat of thy face" (vs. 25) was meant to be a blessing. (http://magazine.byu.edu/?act=view&a=151 0)
And a blessing it is. I know and feel the power behind family members committed to action. Again, Kathleen Bahr and Cheri Loveless said it well: "Here lies the real power of family work--its potential to transform lives, to forge strong families, to build strong communities. It is the power to quietly, effectively urge hearts and minds toward a oneness known only in Zion." (http://magazine.byu.edu/?act=view&a=151 0)
I love that. That is what I want. The chores, assignments and projects teach responsibility, agency, perspective, compassion, respect and gratitude. And most importantly steadily lead us towards Zion.
The work before us is not the problem. It is the answer. Kathleen Bahr and Cheri Loveless from BYU teach, "And Adam was told, "Cursed shall be the ground for thy sake" (vs. 23, emphasis added). In other words, the hard work of eating one's bread "by the sweat of thy face" (vs. 25) was meant to be a blessing. (http://magazine.byu.edu/?act=view&a=151 0)
And a blessing it is. I know and feel the power behind family members committed to action. Again, Kathleen Bahr and Cheri Loveless said it well: "Here lies the real power of family work--its potential to transform lives, to forge strong families, to build strong communities. It is the power to quietly, effectively urge hearts and minds toward a oneness known only in Zion." (http://magazine.byu.edu/?act=view&a=151 0)
I love that. That is what I want. The chores, assignments and projects teach responsibility, agency, perspective, compassion, respect and gratitude. And most importantly steadily lead us towards Zion.
Look Up!
The following depict Christ Church, in Alexandria, where George Washington worshiped with his family, a chapel near my home, and a temple nearby. I love steeples because they remind me to look up!
Look up! Look to God who made you! That is among the first teachings I gave my children as I held them soon after they were born and thanked God for their arrival.
Now that is my daily constant direction. To look up is to exercise faith, feel His love, hear answers, and find comfort. Now in their studies, vocation, mission, marriage decisions, I pray even more fervently; look up! Pray to God. The course of lives can be changed in seeking divine aid and direction. As President Monson said, “It is better to look up!”
Look up not sideways to others for approval. Don't gauge progress and success by others but look up to know what God thinks.
Look up when you are at a loss to know what to do, and know that the Lord will "lead thee by the hand and give thee answer to thy prayers." (Doctrine and Covenants 112:10)
Look up when you are blessed and the sun is shining on you and thank God for his kindness and mercy to you.
Look up when you have decisions to make. "And it shall come to pass, that before they call, I will answer; and while they are yet speaking, I will hear." (Isaiah 65:24)
Look up when you know what to do and others don't understand. Act on truth regardless of the choices of others.
And look up when answers take longer or don't seem to be coming as you expect. Follow Elder Carl B. Cooks counsel to "'stand by your post' until the Lord sends some help, however long that takes. " Keep the commandments, have faith and hold on.
Look up to see the hand of God and know that he will extend his mercy as he did many times to us, in joy, in danger, in sickness, in finances, in relationships, in decisions, in sadness, in answers. We have a heritage of looking to God and seeing His Hand.
I do not have all the answers. But I know God does. And sometimes He shares those with me. Who can number the daily thoughts, the flow of ideas, the warm comfort and love I have felt from the Almighty? I worship a God who cares deeply about me and each one of his children. I worship a God who shares His love and His wisdom. I am blessed when I follow His counsel.
Looking to God as we move forward will help us be more successful than any other thing we do. No skill, no class, no technique, no activity, no amount of money is more powerful than the inspiration of God that can magnify, direct and bless our efforts. Look up!
Christchurchalexandria" by RebelAt at en.wikipedia - Own workTransferred from en.wikipedia. Licensed under Public Domain via Wikimedia Commons -
Look up! Look to God who made you! That is among the first teachings I gave my children as I held them soon after they were born and thanked God for their arrival.
Now that is my daily constant direction. To look up is to exercise faith, feel His love, hear answers, and find comfort. Now in their studies, vocation, mission, marriage decisions, I pray even more fervently; look up! Pray to God. The course of lives can be changed in seeking divine aid and direction. As President Monson said, “It is better to look up!”
Look up not sideways to others for approval. Don't gauge progress and success by others but look up to know what God thinks.
Look up when you are at a loss to know what to do, and know that the Lord will "lead thee by the hand and give thee answer to thy prayers." (Doctrine and Covenants 112:10)
Look up when you are blessed and the sun is shining on you and thank God for his kindness and mercy to you.
Look up when you have decisions to make. "And it shall come to pass, that before they call, I will answer; and while they are yet speaking, I will hear." (Isaiah 65:24)
Look up when you know what to do and others don't understand. Act on truth regardless of the choices of others.
And look up when answers take longer or don't seem to be coming as you expect. Follow Elder Carl B. Cooks counsel to "'stand by your post' until the Lord sends some help, however long that takes. " Keep the commandments, have faith and hold on.
Look up to see the hand of God and know that he will extend his mercy as he did many times to us, in joy, in danger, in sickness, in finances, in relationships, in decisions, in sadness, in answers. We have a heritage of looking to God and seeing His Hand.
I do not have all the answers. But I know God does. And sometimes He shares those with me. Who can number the daily thoughts, the flow of ideas, the warm comfort and love I have felt from the Almighty? I worship a God who cares deeply about me and each one of his children. I worship a God who shares His love and His wisdom. I am blessed when I follow His counsel.
Looking to God as we move forward will help us be more successful than any other thing we do. No skill, no class, no technique, no activity, no amount of money is more powerful than the inspiration of God that can magnify, direct and bless our efforts. Look up!
Christchurchalexandria" by RebelAt at en.wikipedia - Own workTransferred from en.wikipedia. Licensed under Public Domain via Wikimedia Commons -
What Will You Do With Your Gifts?
When I asked my children to make a list for Christmas, I told them to think in terms of tools that will help them with their mission in life. I also encouraged them to choose things that could make their life easier in ways that help them accomplish their goals.
At our annual nativity supper on Christmas Eve, I brought up the question, "What will you do with your gifts?" I was referring to all kinds of gifts, the ones we receive on Christmas, the ones we are given in this life, and the gifts we don't recognize as such and their significance.
At our annual nativity supper on Christmas Eve, I brought up the question, "What will you do with your gifts?" I was referring to all kinds of gifts, the ones we receive on Christmas, the ones we are given in this life, and the gifts we don't recognize as such and their significance.
What will you do about Christmas Gifts?
Are the gifts under the tree going to help you be a better person? Or will they distract you from your goals? Do these gifts increase your capacity or diminish it?
What will you do with intangible gifts?
Are the gifts of knowledge, music or art going to be used for your own gain? Or to bless others? Are these gifts for self making? Or making the world a better place? I promised them that if they used their gifts to bless others, their talents and capacity would increase. If it was all for their own benefit, their capacity and talent would decrease.
What will you do with the gifts of pain and difficulty?
Are we able to turn weaknesses and the weaknesses of others to develop within us qualities such as patience, kindness and non judgmental attitudes? Do we see problems with gifts in their hands?
What will you do with your unique gifts as a family member?
What will you do with your unique gifts as a family member?
Each family member has gifts that bless us as a family. Each child had a turn as we verbalized their gifts out loud. Here are some of the gifts of my children that the world might not recognize, but bring light and healing to a home. One child has the gift of receiving correction. Her text a few days after Christmas said: "Mom you really love me. You correct me. Isn't that interesting that being willing to correct someone is an important part of love?" Another child has the gift of saying, "I'm sorry." Christmas Eve he said, "Mom, I'm so sorry I haven't been cooperative these last few weeks. Mom, I'm so sorry. I'll do better." Another child has the gift of knowing exactly what needs to happen. Another has the gift of quiet gentleness and compassion. Another has the gift of action. Another has the gift of leadership. Another has the gift of creating healthy relationships. Another has the gift of sensitivity. My husband has the gift of loyalty. How wonderful that they all have different gifts so that we learn to appreciate each other.
What will you do about THE Gift?
What will you do about THE Gift?
The Savior, Jesus Christ, who is the giver of every good gift, the example of every worthy attribute, the source of power and life to our lives is the gift. His gift of the atonement made every other gift operable, meaningful and possible. Every good thing in my life is because of the Savior, his birth, His example, His Atonement and His love. What we do shows our gratitude for His gift. What we live is our gift to Him and will determine our happiness, now and forever.
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