Why I Leave the Butter Out

I've caught myself leaving a trail.  When I do crafting, I often leave paper scraps. When I sew, I may leave threads on the carpet. I spread butter on my muffin and leave the butter on the counter. Do you do that? Or know someone who does that? I'm sure there could be some very accurate psychological analysis that would reveal some character flaws that need some remedying. Perhaps just laziness. However, I think there is a another more subtle reason.  It is this: I want to be noticed. I was there. I made something, I created, I ate.  If I completely clean up, and every trace of me is gone, who will know I was there? Is this symbolic of a greater desire to not be forgotten when I leave mortality?

Inside of each of us, I believe, is the longing to leave meaning - to leave something of worth behind. This is the reason perhaps behind, wanting to give money to charity, be rich, be famous, write a book, be a you tuber, journal, scrapbook, teach, help others and any other thing intended to go past our boundaries and somehow influence the world.  I asked my four year old son years ago, "What are you going to do today?"  He answered, "Search for gold and silver or something!"   

What will you search for today? What will be different because you lived? What trail will you make? While money and fame for some, for others it may have been teaching the values or truths they have learned. I am deeply grateful for those who have given their lives for this kind of legacy.  Those that lived and died for freedom, and those that taught me skills, principles or truths that have enriched my life through their example, classes, books and online media. There is a freedom trail of ideas left by Locke, Blackstone, Washington, Adams, Jefferson and others that have shaped the ideas of government by the people. These ideas have given me the most free country on earth to live in. There is a glorious trail left by writers, creators and thinkers of faith and courage like C.S. Lewis, Mother Teresa, Harriet Tubman, G.K. Chesterton, and Bonhoeffer. 

There is another kind of trail, a trail I inherited and hope to leave with my children. It is the trail that is passed through the torch of love of faith and family.  It embodies the values of deep respect for God and parenthood. Both my mother and father exemplified faith in a higher power, in God. They shared many examples in their lives of His watchful care over them and prayed faithfully for His guidance. I was given a love of motherhood, and family through my sweet, amazing and courageous mother.  I was the witness to the incredible and irreplaceable influence of fathers as I watched by Dad teach the values dearest to his heart - integrity, faith and hard work. Tethered at birth to my mom,  and mentored by both my mother and my father, I watched them give the best of their lives to raising their children with integrity, humility, and joy. That is the trail I want to leave - a trail of faith and family that my children feel so deep in the marrow of their bones that they seek with all their hearts to carry the torch of faith and family. My prayer is that their torch will born so bright that their children will pick up the fire of faith and family and carry on. 

The generations before me passed this torch from parent to child and I pass it on as one of the most meaningful ways I feel I could say I was here. I lived. I gave. There is meaning. My life didn't disappear. And perhaps that is why I leave out the butter. 

Look to the Beginnings

Its January! It's a new year and a time of new beginnings!

When we begin something anew, it is common to look to earlier beginnings, origins, or events for meaning. Looking back can guide us as we evaluate the past, our present and the creation of our future. What happens, however, when those beginnings are ignored, forgotten or even destroyed? 

For instance honoring our country and its heritage, can be a source of identity and engender gratitude for those who were part of its founding. Last year was the 400th anniversary of the Pilgrims landing on Plymouth Rock, and there was little if any mention of the historic event and no mention of the important Mayflower Compact, the document that led to self-government. The compact is a forerunner of the U.S. Constitution. The Constitution has been the foundation of a free society and a model for other free countries for over 200 years. Remembering beginnings like this can be rejuvenating as it would be to take the honorable beginnings of any country and celebrate all that is good about its origins. With concern, I notice that the culture is ignoring the celebration of important people, and events from which we could draw strength and direction. Noting this Christopher Caldwell said, "What hope is there for a nation that doesn’t care about its beginnings?" (https://claremontreviewofbooks.com/plymouth-rock-landed-on-them/)  

Family beginnings are vital to family solidarity and strength. Do families know and seek their heritage? Do they know the stories of their parents and grandparents? When a child knows how mom and dad met, or how grandpa overcame financial challenges, or great grandma raised her family while her husband was at war, they also learn about themselves. Can family stories be absent with no consequence? 

Author Bruce Feiler shares about a measure called the "Do You Know Scale?" that asked children to answer 20 questions. Examples included: Do you know where your grandparents grew up? Do you know where your mom and dad went to high school? Do you know where your parents met? Do you know an illness or something really terrible that happened in your family? Do you know the story of your birth? The researchers: "Dr. Duke and Dr. Fivush asked those questions of four dozen families in the summer of 2001, and taped several of their dinner table conversations. They then compared the children’s results to a battery of psychological tests the children had taken, and reached an overwhelming conclusion. The more children knew about their family’s history, the stronger their sense of control over their lives, the higher their self-esteem and the more successfully they believed their families functioned. The “Do You Know?” scale turned out to be the best single predictor of children’s emotional health and happiness."  https://www.nytimes.com/2013/03/17/fashion/the-family-stories-that-bind-us-this-life.html

And what about the beginning of life? The very fountain of life? With deep sadness, I see our nation sanctioning the killing of the unborn. One in four babies is aborted before birth. How can healing take place when abortion is common? Those babies from whom new life begins, are those to whom we attempt with whole heart to transfer our values, love and stories. Conception is a beginning. Honoring and celebrating that beginning speaks well of our faith in the future. Reverencing human beginning lends respect to all of life. 

This is a call to ponder and reflect on beginnings - a challenge to acknowledge, revere and perpetuate all that is good about your nation of origin, a plea to search and share your heritage with your family and ask for a prayer for the unborn. As you move through 2021, look back first to find strength and alignment as you chart through the waters ahead. Look to your beginnings.

 

December Reflections on Christ

The Light of the World

Shines into my darkness,

Gently takes me by the hand,

Shows me my weakness and tutors me.

He finds where I am hid.

The Life of the World

Hears my cry and sees my distress.

He takes my despair

And breathes truth into my weary mind,

Encouraging my heart to beat again.

He teaches me His plan is vastly superior to mine.

He helps me see the miracles that abound.

He teaches me to trust Him,

To let go of the world, and my way

To make space for Him -

The merciful, and perfect Son of God.

-Diane

For the joy of human love,

Brother, sister, parent, child,

Friends on earth, and friends above,

For all gentle thoughts and mild,

Lord of all, to thee we raise

This our hymn of grateful praise.

---For the Beauty of the Earth

I marvel at the PEOPLE and give thanks - the fellow passengers of planet earth and the joy of human love they bring! We are connected - as brothers, sisters, cousins, family - we are truly connected by common ancestors, common challenges and common needs. And while connected we are so different as well. In the current culture that emphasizes the divisiveness of people, I wish this season to contemplate the beauty, complexity and diversity of people as a stunning blessing. 

I think of my corner of the world with its people I love dearly, those that I raised and those that raised me. I adore my family, my husband and each of my children. We bump against each other sometimes in challenging ways and often in joyful ways. I appreciate their perspectives, talents and capacity to love. I love them for their tenacity, grace and willingness to overlook weaknesses and lend their hearts and hands. Parents, brothers, sisters, husband, children, aunts, uncles, cousins, each so like me and yet so different. I hope my life reflects back the goodness I see in them.

For similar reasons I cherish my friends, neighborhood, community, nation and world. In my community there are kindred spirits who give freely and love abundantly. I value both our similarities and our differences. I'm grateful for the joy and love of children, and the vibrance of youth; they speak from their heart and seek to make the world a better place. The fire of their spirits and the light in their eyes encourages me to be a better person. My neighbors, teach me what it means to be kind and to listen.

Many people came before me, and did hard things that have made my life easier. Many people who will come after me, those who aren't born yet, and I honor them. I love those who became musicians and artists who comfort and inspire. I'm grateful for the poets and writers who have written the words and authored the books bringing insight and understanding - for builders, farmers and every contribution to humanity. The amazon truck driver, the kind grocer and the man who fixed my frig this summer. How marvelous to be surrounded by people of all ages, all walks, all races, all hearts.

I'm grateful for the people I've met in Chile, Italy and Jerusalem. I'm grateful for the people I met from Africa and South America at the United Nations, both in New York and Salt Lake. I love learning about other cultures and nations. The more we learn, the more we are able to understand and love.

I'm grateful for PEOPLE - fellow passengers on planet earth - those I know, those I read about in books, articles and news events, and those I have yet to meet. I believe their unique perspectives, talents, and examples of kindness are part of the joy of human love. I believe If we knew each other's stories we would laugh and cry together.  I believe greater understanding would result as we appreciate and listen to each other. I believe in the majesty, diversity and joy that comes from people past, present and future.

Call to Action for American Families

Most of America, my neighbors, and family were appalled by the incivility at the first 2020 presidential debate.  When I turned off the event that evening, I felt empty, confused, and disillusioned. 

Boyd Matheson, helped me process the disaster in his article, "Tuesday's Debate Had No Winner, just 320 Million Losers."  https://www.deseret.com/2020/9/30/21495454/presidential-debate-trump-biden-chris-wallace-winner-america-loser    He said, "Sometimes when it becomes impossible to describe what something is, it is easier to outline what it is not." In other words what did not happen? Leadership, vision and inspiration did not happen. Accountability and humility were missing. Compassion was lost. No innovation or persuasion. No humor or hope. The values and virtues I would wish for my children were blatantly absent in the debate.

How did this happen? Boyd Matheson asked the brilliant question of who bears the responsibility for the tenor and tone for the conversations in this country?  He said, 

"Presidents, politicians and other elected officials bear immense responsibility for setting the tone and tenor for the conversations in the country. But they don’t own those conversations — the American people do. To blame a president for the lack of civility, compassion, integrity or respect in the country absolves citizens of their responsibility... This is a “we the people” issue."

Truth bomb! What if what we saw was in part a reflection of us? What if it were a mirror of what we allow in our homes, interactions, and social media? What if the vitriol nature of the communication online and in violent protests were the logical companions of what we saw on the first debate? As parents, we set the bar for what is acceptable in our homes. As a people we set the bar for what is acceptable in our nation. Is there a call here to raise vision, accountability and compassion to just name three missing virtues? How would a raised bar look in our homes and the nation? Do I model, teach and talk about these values in my home? Do I refuse to deal with real issues and argue about the irrelevant and trivial? Do I seek to inspire or do I shrink from principled action and accountability?  I found myself wanting.  I can improve. Many more questions could be asked of all of us as we contemplate what the presidential debate might be teaching us about us. 

And what can "we the people do?" We can ponder what is lost. Our sadness, or anger at what isn't, can help us identify what is missing in our society. Then we can accept the personal charge to take missing virtues and nurture them in our homes, neighborhoods and social media circles. What triggered us most about the interactions in the first presidential debate? What does that tell us to focus on creating in our homes? Inspiring leadership is to live higher than the surrounding culture. This charge echoes the prayer of St. Francis of Assisi, part of which reads: 

St. Francis of Assisi

Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace!

That where there is hatred, I may bring love.

That where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness.

That where there is discord, I may bring harmony.

That where there is error, I may bring truth.

That where there is doubt, I may bring faith. 

That where there is despair, I may bring hope                            ... 

We can walk away from that debate in disgust and scorn, or we can dig deep into our souls and homes, and consciously choose to create something better. Responding with greater light than what we are marinating in is the essence of leadership and parenthood.  I believe Heavenly Parents gave us that charge. That is the call to my soul and to all Americans. Be what you did not see. Live what you did not hear. Create the missing piece of responsible leadership in America. 

Family Stories Matter

I closed the book because it was getting late. My children wanted to the story to go on.  But tomorrow was coming. I placed the book on the mantle and tucked everyone in. By the next morning one child had read several more chapters. This story of reading before bedtime was repeated hundreds of times in their childhood. I smile as I reflect on the wonderful reading memories over the years together. Those stories bonded us and made us who we are.  Stories created vision for our future and meaning for our past. 

This was the theme of my first online course! Family Stories Matter, the title of my course shared how the power is in the stories we read, tell, create and live every day in our families. I was so excited to share the things I learned with other parents last July in the first beta group.  In the creation of six modules, I began to articulate some of the deeply treasured knowledge acquired over the years. https://www.familystoriesmatter.com/

So here I share a tiny glimpse into the thesis of the course. This is the beginning path to give your family values, voice and vision through the stories you read and tell.  

What do you value? How will you pass it on? What matters to you most? God? Freedom? Family? Loyalty? Compassion? Justice? Education? Define what your top values are, then read the books to your children that articulate those values. Talk about the values as you read together. David, in the book "Just David" by Eleanor Porter comes off the clear clean mountains of the Alps into an unknown culture, foreign in its values. He struggles to makes sense of it and as we watch him struggle we see our culture and its values in a new light. This story was one of my son's favorite reads and creates space for valuable family values discussion.  The story "I Am Malala" by Malala Yousafzai creates space for discussing the value and price of education and freedom.  Consider the values of what you read and watch because those books, and those movies instill values into the minds and hearts of your children. 

How do stories give impetus to voice? The stories that fire your children's hearts, will become the seedbed of the stories they share from their souls to the world. Their passion becomes their voice. The simplest of beginnings may be a story about a kind act such as Mary in "Ordinary Mary's Extraordinary Deed" by Emily Pearson who gives blueberries to her neighbor, starting a chain of kindness that influences the world. The way you encourage your child's desires and talents will give voice to the style and manner they share their message with others. It may be music, sports, architecture, poetry, whatever their unique gifts are will manifest the style of message your children send. And you as a parent, will share your voice powerfully as you carefully choose stories of value and merit shaping and passing the values on.

Your stories define your family vision. Whether conscious or not, the stories you read and tell, live and share, become the panorama of life before your children's eyes, ears and heart. With intention, deliberately craft a vision for you family. Does it include adventure? Read Swiss Family Robinson by Johann David Wyss, then plan adventure together. Define what adventure looks like for your family.  Is your vision one of family kindness? Read "My Father's Dragon" by Ruth Stiles Gannett and set a goal as a family to look for those who need your kindness and act on it. Your vision becomes real as you act on your ideas after reading the stories of others modeling that vision.

It seems almost too simple, but the power of stories in our children's hearts will drive their imagination and understanding throughout their lives. Great things turn on small hinges. Your family values, voice and vision lies in your hands. Choose carefully the stories that build your values, voice and vision. As has been said of freedom and belief, we are always one generation away from losing values we hold dear.  

Your Family Stories Matter. 

Let your voice be heard. Teach your children.

Rituals

I've gazed on the pyramids of Egypt and walked to their center and strolled through the temple complexes of Luxor. I've seen the prayers written on small pieces of paper tucked in cracks of massive stone blocks that compose the Western Wall of Jerusalem. I've walked through the ruins of Ancient Rome, the Coliseum, and the Roman Forum. I've read of Chichén Itzá in Mexico and reflected on the Native American Hopi Dances. These remains of large structures and events speak from the stones and the dances of cultures, values and identity of peoples of long ago. One senses the grandeur of something now vanished and the unknown and unspoken power of rituals and practices that bound people together.  

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There are striking similarities in these structures and events of  passages returning home, religious rituals acknowledging a higher power, traditions of judgment, justice, mercy as well as celebrations of planting, harvest and renewal. 

I'm fascinated by the deliberate and intentional effort to preserve meaning, culture, customs, identity and values through the elaborate construction, detailed dances and even small bundles that can be carried in ones hands. Recently I read of a gathering of objects into a sacred bundle by the Pawnee Indians. Something similar existed in Aztec, Mayan and other Native American cultures as well. This sacred bundle was handed down from mother to daughter through the maternal lines. In a ritual the men could open it and use its contents. 

One such sacred bundle belonged to Sadie, a pawnee girl. In 1873, Sioux warriors attacked a Pawnee tribe who were hunting. Her father tied her to a horse, slipped a treasured peace medal around her neck, and bound the sacred bundle to her back, with instructions to care for it. Sadie guarded the bundle carefully, but as both her parents were killed in battle, her father could not pass along the ritual use of the bundle and it could not be opened. It remained in the family as a symbol of their spiritual heritage. Several generations later, the Pawnee descendant donated the sacred bundle to the Kansas Historical Society, where it is today, unopened and above the lodge's altar. 

Several years ago a garden hoe was buried with my father in the cement vault with his casket. It was a powerful symbol of an ordinary object that he used to bring forth the bounties of the earth. His ritual actions of planting in the spring, harvesting in the fall, and sharing his bounty with others were personal trademarks. Most importantly he shared this ritual side by side with his children and grandchildren because of his passion to pass on the value of work to the next generation. 

This leads me to ask: How do you pass on your culture and identity to your future generations? How do you share your values with your children? 

My simply attempt to create ritual of meaning and value is in the manner of the sacred bundle, in the order of the pyramids and with the intensity of a Hopi dance. As each child gets married I plan to give them a treasure chest. Inside the treasure chest I will place:

• Faith Book: A gathering of stories of their ancestors who loved God and looked to Him for answers. The book also contains the faith of each member of their family, their experiences and understandings of the workings of God in their lives. A small history of our lives is included.

• Seed packets: Representative of working with God and the earth to produce food to eat and share together.

• Money for a repenting bench: (A bench will not fit in the small chest.) A place to sit and remind oneself that if we look within, we can find something to change in each of us when contention occurs.

• Fabric for a flag: Decide what your family stands for, write it on a flag and live by and wave that flag.

• Zionizer: This is an empty cardboard tube. When you look through it, you consciously choose to see something better and make it better than it was. It is a fun family practice. 

• Dry erase chore chart: Each child can find self worth in contributing to the lives of others. They also develop compassion as they take on responsibilities that influence the wellbeing of others.

• Egermeier Bible Story Book: The best children's bible book that tells the stories, engagingly and preserves and teaches faith in God.

Bestowing the treasure chest will be a ritual when a child leaves home. While the treasure chest consists of just objects, quite ordinary, the real monument is what they create with their family. The most meaningful structure they could create is a strong marriage and children who love God and their fellowman. The objects were simply symbolic of the values and path to get there. The families being created every day will be far more influential than all the pyramids, temple complexes and sacred bundles in the world. I look to the rituals.  Rituals create our identity and direction.  I believe that is what we want for our children - rituals that will tell the story of who they are, rituals that will bond and connect them to those who went before and preserve the values that make for a faith filled, strong, kind, and free society, one that will be of value to the world they live in.