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Angels in the Room
Harnessing Intergenerational Power
As a young boy, my Dad broke a grocery store window, scattered hay on the floor of the neighbors barn and stole a crescent wrench. Years later, my Dad was known far and wide as a man of great integrity. How did this happen?
In my Dad's history he recorded the three instances: "The owner informed that the cost of the plate glass window in the Depression was about ten dollars. Prior to this time I had never even had fifty cents to my name. I could hardly hold my head up from crying as my father asked me to come and give him the details concerning this unfortunate event and accident. At the end, he said, 'Tom, we must do the right thing' and he located ten dollars for me to take to this store owner the next morning. ...you will never know how hard it was to take my father's last ten dollars at the bottom of the Depression to pay for a plate glass window that had been caused by my unfortunate negligence and caper."
After my Dad and his cousins pushed the towers of hay over, he says, "My father then instructed that I must ask Bishop Beardahl for forgiveness and promise never to do it again. Again the lessons of life, especially responsibility were beginning at an early age and were developing in my mind."
When the wrench was discovered, “[My dad] instructed me that I must go back and knock on the door, return the wrench and ask for her forgiveness for my stealing of the wrench... This was a terrifying experience to go this 70 or 80 year old stern, eccentric lady, admit that I had done wrong, stole her wrench, and ask for her forgiveness. I can remember riding my bike up and down Wilson Avenue..at least five or six times...." Then he wrote: "Oh, how thankful I am for my father's principles and teachings..."
This story is a treasure to me – and more powerful to me and my children than an entire book on honesty. I'm so grateful for my father's principles and teachings. And I'm grateful for his father's commitment to integrity. They teach me and my children with their lives and their words, with examples and stories. Blessed is the man or woman who has stories in their hands and hearts from their family history to give them direction, strength and purpose.
You harness intergenerational power when you
gather, share and protect your family history stories.
- Diane Fisher
Jesus of Nazareth Taught Radical Ideas
If following Christ means making mistakes and getting up again and again, seeking His word and trying to live his teachings then I am a Christian. In my growing up years, it seemed simple. The instructions that went with Jesus of Nazareth at Sunday School were BE NICE. That seemed doable enough. Especially when people were nice back.
But since then I'm finding Jesus meant to overthrow the prevailing cultural philosophies of then and now. He taught radical ideas.
What is radical? Overthrowing the current thought. Revolutionary. Dramatic change. As recorded in Luke 6 Jesus says:
32 For if ye love them which love you, what thank have ye? for sinners also love those that love them....
35 But love ye your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest: for he is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil.
That is different than the prevailing thought. Love those that don't love you. Love those against you. This is revolutionary and can see I haven't progressed very far. The difficulty I may have experienced in my life doesn't even begin to compare to the enemies of war torn countries, or the tragedy of crime, and needless loss of life.
A second radical thought: I believe the distinct message I got in high school was the purpose of it all was to go out and earn money. Made sense. Food on the table. But Jesus taught in Matthew 25 that we are to feed the hungry, take care of the stranger, visit those in prison, visit the sick and if we fail to take care of the poor in this manner he will say Depart from me, and we will go into "everlasting fire." Taking care of the poor is not an alternative side event - it is a life focus.
A third radical thought: Jesus is the only way to God. John 14:6 states: "Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me."
No eternal anything except through Jesus! And there is the most beautiful doctrine. Jesus of Nazareth encourages us to COME. Come to Him. He offers rest. He offers peace. He asks for our faith and our repentance and offers the kingdom in return. He can do that because He paid the price of our sins. He died for us and intercedes in our behalf.
He invites us to try this out. He invites us to Come. Again and again. “And the Spirit and the bride say, Come. And let him that heareth say, Come. And let him that is athirst come. And whosoever will, let him take the water of life freely” (Revelation 22:17).He invites us to try out his teachings and follow His life and he applauds our sincere but clumsy attempts.
I'm continually inspired by people who do just those things. They embrace His radical teachings and counter the prevailing philosophies of our day. I learn of Lebanese people who reach out to their Syrian enemies, and feed them and teach their children. I read of a grieving father who reaches out in love to the drunken teenager who killed his wife and children. I marvel as I learn of a loving librarian who talked to a gunman ready to shoot in a school. She spoke lovingly to this young man and talked him out of the tragedy he intended to carry out. Lincoln appointed a member to his cabinet that had opposed him and spread lies about him. Corrie Ten Boom after experiencing the horror and degradation of Nazi concentration camps is able to reach out in forgiveness to one of her captors. And thousands, millions more examples of people who embrace this unheard of law of giving love for evil and turning towards Jesus of Nazareth, knowing that hope and healing can be found in Him.
The results of these radical teachings? More love and less hate in the world. Light and life radiating outwards. Those who seek to apply the teachings of Jesus become better people. They are more kind, they see clearly. They let go of life destroying hate that shrinks the soul. And in many cases, the transforming redemptive power of love reaches out to the oppressive and offending one, causing them to change. These radical ideas bring miracles - the miracle each one of us individually so desperately needs as well as the world. I love these words by Shawna Edwards:
Jesus is a God of miracles
Nothing is at all impossible to Him
But I know this:
Of all His miracles the most incredible must be
The miracle that rescues me
The miracle that rescues you and me.
-Shawna Edwards
Re-Creating Self - Another Story
My soul is renewed every time I contemplate the story of Jean Valjean an ex-convict in 19th-century France. His story is told in Les Miserables by Victor Hugo. Not too long ago I saw the stage play and marveled again at this man whose life was changed by a priest who showed him kindness. The priest feeds and gives Jean Valjean a place to stay for the night. Valjean takes most of the priests silver and runs off in the night. When the police capture and return him, the priest tells the police that the silver was given as a gift and chastises Valjean for not taking the silver candlesticks as well. After the police leave, the priest tells Valjean to use the silver to become and honest man. Instead of seeing himself as the world did, a dishonest fugitive, he now cries out "I'm Jean Valjean!" This declaration is prompted from the compassion and mercy of the priest and helps Valjean re - create a new life and identity.
How do we re-create our lives? How do we deal with our past that is continually creating our present unless we mark it with intention and turn the ship in a new direction? How do we take patterns or concepts of ourselves that have not served us well, and make them the catalyst for progress? If we can't answer this question, it is easy to be stuck. Not moving. And we don't like that. One of my children pointed out that I needed to sort myself out. In my attempts to do that and in the philosophical and psychological traditional that continuing progress is possible, I recommend the following ideas for conquering, reframing and moving forward. Note here this is my list from me to me. If you find something valuable here, that is a bonus for us both.
1. Identify the defining moments, critical choices and pivotal people in your life. (This idea is from "Self Matters," by Phillip C. McGraw, PhD.)
Write these out and look carefully at your self concept that came out of these three areas. Rewrite any scripts to fit the new you. Negative experiences can be reframed to identify new values we want to live now, and personal power to act in new ways because of the understanding that experience, choice or person provided.
I am so inspired by stories of people who have experienced difficult things and then draw out compassion and direction from their difficulties. The converse is also true. People, choices and moments that gave us positive identity and strength can be lasting personal signposts.
My Dad tells the story of a elementary school experience when all the children piled the desks and chairs against the door. When the teacher came in and asked who did it, one girl stepped forward and said "I did." The teacher then said there was one honest girl in the room. On that day, my Dad decided he would be honest. He wanted to be known like Iris Thomas for being honest.
2. Make a bucket list.
Oh the possibilities! The places you'll go! Setting an intention causes the universe to start aligning with you.
3. Do something new - something out of your comfort zone.
Yes. So I jumped out of a plane. I really did the skydiving thing a few months ago with some dear friends. I went for courage. I went for a redefinition of self. I came out of it with some instructions on redefining myself. If you want to add new things - you have to let go. But that is a post for another day.
4. Do something you have put off.
One sad and bad pattern I am facing is organization and cleaning. I had a prior vision of myself as too busy and overworked and overwhelmed to live those laws. Now I face a personality of pulling stuff out, but not being able to put it back together. Simple tasks like cleaning the linen closet and the paper and card drawer and celebrating my finished successes are healing and renewing.
5. Ask trusted people around you to tell you what they can see about you that you cannot.
Yes. This takes a bit of reckless courage. When two family members told me, I was stunned. It was clear that I couldn't see it, because at first it didn't make sense. From this came two paradigm shifts on how I view my life. This is a reckless act of courage I highly recommend. What I learned is a post for another day.
6. Take time to be still.
Still figuring this one out. So easy for some. There are truths and understandings that cannot come in the busyness of life. My spots are the porch. Early morning. Mountains.
So back to John Val Jean. His life was being true to the vision of who he really was. It was continually realigning his choices with his new identity and the promises he made. It was launched by kindness. What kindness can we do for others to help them launch into healthier paths? And what values can we fix our vision to as we re - create the truest version of ourselves? Those questions are at the core of our identity and the new story we create.
Searching for the Soul of the Home
What makes home a wonderful place? That has to be one of the most challenging and epic of quests!
Is it acceptance, listening, kindness, and good conversations? Is it my Mom's onion bread or my Dad's popcorn? Is it my sons' stuffed mushrooms, juicing experiments or my daughter's homemade pizza? Or is it the stories? Of our ancestors? Shared joy? And the shared pain? Is it the stories of what we are working through? And the faith that we will succeed?
I believe the warmth and wonderful aura of any home is in the heart and souls of the people in it. It is the family members that bring the magic. To guard the home must mean then to guard our souls. And that is a daily challenge. I'm finding the path to making home wonderful as I welcome the next generation is still not easy. It is the work of my own soul that is required. I cry out again and again - How can this be done? I turn to my daughters and share three pieces of wisdom relevant to my journey.
In her poetry Instagram account my daughter spoke of something bigger than just the food or clothing - of a focus more than decorations or furniture. She wrote, "Cinderella left her shoes behind. She had bigger fish to fry." https://www.instagram.com/sapientiapoetry/
Another daughter wrote of the importance of temperament in an article "No More Grumpy Please," in which she shared the story of seeing a very young child at the museum crying and heard him say, " "I'm grumpy and mean...and I don't wanna be grumpy and mean!" https://andthentheyflew.blogspot.com/2015/01/no-more-grumpy-please.html And that describes so clearly the journey we face in our quest for a home of joy and meaning, the need to say to ourselves, "no more grumpy please."
Most succinctly, another daughter posted on my frig. "Love is a Battle Cry." And she named it. In our quest for the home that wraps its arms around us and comforts us, we come face to face with weaknesses within ourselves and challenges all around. It is no small thing to battle daily to both give and receive love, to forgive and to apologize, to live in grace and mercy with God.
How do you guard the state of your soul so that the cherished people in your home can draw strength and look to the cherished bonds of family as the greatest treasure of mortality? I don't have all the answers, but I'm seeking daily to engage in the battle, remind myself - "no more grumpy," and know that weighing in the balance are things much weightier than shoes.
If this could be said of my home, I would feel like home is a wonderful place and the souls of the people inside were creating it.
I like the way you talk to me
Even more, the way you listen
You’re holding a lantern for me
In the woods on a dark night
Allowing your light to define itself
And separate me from the shadows.
-Anna Rose Fisher
What Do You See?
Musing three on the family: I hear voices say that in the human family, they see only burden, and oppression. While oppressions do exist, the majority of families, the most basic global and universal unit, are tied together with bonds of deep love and sacrifice with a fierceness to protect and care for each other. I see in the hardest of struggles, mothers and fathers live with the deepest expressions of character, and the joyful privilege of responsibilities. Families have the potential to provide the most meaningful motivations of life itself, as well as the compassion to reach across neighborhoods and nations finding ways to support each other.
In the cultural divide some see threats, insecurity, and doubt. I believe we can come out of this stronger and better. Wherever the human heart genuinely seeks to create a better place to live, I think there is space to share and learn from each other. Is it possible that at the crux of these three examples is a deep sense of how we freely give and bear responsibility? I believe some answers lie in the simplicity of child like heart who freely gives. I believe in governing structures that support liberty, autonomy and the voice of the people. And I believe there are answers deep in every individual and family, that will bring healing. I believe these answers will come with compassion, not blame, with personal responsibility, not shame. Most of all, I believe we need to share what we see, freely and openly, with respect and an eye to understanding as we individually take actions to create a more equitable, liberty loving, supportive and compassionate world.
Adam and Eve Revisited
The 65th session of the UN commission on the status of women was this month and I was able to attend some sessions virtually. It is fascinating to see delegates come from all over the world to the UN to discuss women's needs. I heard women from all over the world discuss how to stop child marriage, and gender violence; how to protect motherhood and promote equality. Sorting out needs, intent, language, and results are tasks of the delegates who give consensus to an outcome document. In the concluding session, it was heartwarming to hear so many many delegates from a variety of nations, encourage the equality of men and women, desire to protect motherhood and fatherhood, and protect life and national sovereignty.
I'd like to draw attention to a fundamental focal point of this annual gathering-that of equality. I wish to explore a possible origin, a founding story. How did attitudes and behaviors towards women that create inequality begin? The origin story for many is the story of Adam and Eve. How could this story be associated with inequality?
There is no end to the articles and literature discussing the story of Adam and Eve. And the discussion has been going for thousands of years. Having neither scholarly understanding, nor space here, only my readings and personal experiences I simply wish to draw attention to three things that I have pondered at length and share the briefest of thoughts.
1. The origin story and the trouble it has caused for women.
2. An alternative narrative that changes the troublesome beginning.
3. A plea for cooperative, collaborative equal relationships.
The way this story has roughly rolled out for centuries is that God placed Adam and Eve in a garden and commanded them to not eat the fruit from the tree of good and evil. The serpent tempted Eve to partake of the fruit, then enticed Adam to eat. Eve brought evil into the world and now they must leave the garden. Curses ensue and Eve is blamed for the Fall.
My daughter recently shared with me a book by Elizabeth Lesser, Cassaundra Speaks, that explores women's voices. She says:
"The bible is full of heroic men celebrated for their hero's journeys-from Noah to Job, and from Moses to Jesus. Men whose stories map the arc of exile from family or homeland of being tested of losing faith and regaining it. Men who learn about goodness and evil through the fire of their own experiences. Only Eve has ben demonized for answering the same call. While the men of the Bible are allowed to all in their humanness and rise in wisdom, Eve only falls."... "It's important to understand the significance of how our society's origin story is based in blame."
The tentacles of this type of story are manifest in so many ways, from minimizing, gaslighting, disbelieving or outright prejudice. The studies and lists could go on and on. Sometimes the inequality is obvious and we move quickly to eradicate it. Other times inequality is so subtle in our interactions and learned belief systems, it is extremely difficult to change, because of lack of awareness.
I learned the origin story with a different narrative that sheds light onto an equal relationship between Adam and Eve, a picture into their equality with more clarity. The story rolls out like this. God has a plan to help his children learn and grow. He knows that they can only experience this through the constant choosing of good over evil. His command in the Garden of Eden to not partake of the fruit, and then having Eve partake was part of His all knowing plan to usher in all of mortality, with evil and the inherent choices. Dallin Oaks said:
It was Eve who first transgressed the limits of Eden in order to initiate the conditions of mortality. Her act, whatever its nature, was formally a transgression but eternally a glorious necessity to open the doorway toward eternal life. Adam showed his wisdom by doing the same. And thus Eve and "Adam fell that men might be" (v. 25).
Joseph Fielding Smith (1876–1972) said:
“I never speak of the part Eve took in this fall as a sin, nor do I accuse Adam of a sin. … This was a transgression of the law, but not a sin … for it was something that Adam and Eve had to do!”1
From the ChurchofJesusChrist.org
Most Christian churches teach that the Fall was a tragedy, that if Adam and Eve had not partaken of the forbidden fruit, they and all their posterity could now be living in immortal bliss in the Garden of Eden. But truth revealed to latter-day prophets teaches that the Fall was not a tragedy—without it Adam and Eve would have had no posterity. Thus, the Fall was a necessary step in Heavenly Father’s plan to bring about the eternal happiness of His children.
Eve's partaking of the fruit in this story is a celebration story. She is honored for her wisdom and courage. What a difference this makes! The first woman and her choices are celebrated not denigrated! This narrative places glory and honor on Eve, not blame and shame. I'm grateful for my understanding of Adam and Eve. I'm grateful for this clarity given by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
With that perspective and understanding comes a clarion call for men and women to work together - side by side as equals. Their capacity to form collaborative relationships of strength and purpose is a powerful thing to contemplate. Perhaps now when we see the large painting of Adam and Eve in the UN security council room and ponder the efforts made to bring equality, we might bring some new understandings and healing to our global family as well as profound respect to Adam and Eve and ourselves as their counterparts. We would begin a new story of love - because love abounds where there is equality.
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