My daughter packed her bags about three weeks ago in preparation to have a baby. With all the usual is a very unusual packet of papers. She has packed pictures of her maternal ancestors who are coming to the birth with her. I wouldn't be surprised if Heaven arranges to have her maternal ancestor angels there in person as well. Angela is going to do what the women in those pictures have done for millennia - bring a child through the veil of mortality. She will invite a helpless, hungry baby in her life. Her greatest joys and deepest sorrows will be in and around this greatest of adventures. She will take upon her the journey of the ages to raise a child; nurture and love like her ancestor mothers. She will mentor and coach like her mother ancestors. She will teach, train and educate in the maternal patterns of the millennia. She will whisper in her baby's ear, she will read at her bedside and teach the volumes of light and truth in her soul. Every word she speaks and action she does will speak what she knows and believes. She will defend and protect with her husband as millions before have. She will have more influence on this little soul than any other living person.
What I love about bringing the stories to birth is the symbolic and actual looking to the past for strength. While new to Angela, the maternal lineup that precedes her coming has been going on for thousands of years. What did they know? And what can they share with this new mother?
Her great, great grandmother Patty Sessions delivered 4000 babies as a midwife. Great great, grandmother Rachel told the sheriff who came to take the cows for payment because the crops failed when there was no water; "I have a young baby, and I need the milk." He responded, "Lady, I will leave you the best cow." and he did. Great, great grandmother Anna crossed the ocean from Germany with her husband, baby and toddler to give them a better life. Great, great grandmother Jean rode the trolley car every day to go to work to provide food for her six children and great, great grandmother Clara, seven months pregnant made a bed for her three children in the train station when there was no place to stay. These are a few of the stories in the bag.
In these stories, she can find sanctity of life, determination, and courage. She can find compassion, hope, and joy. She can find strength, beauty, and stability. According to the oft-cited study from Emory University, knowing family history gives a sense of wellbeing, emotional stability, connection and identity. (Deseret News) Who better to look to for strength than those who sacrificed to love and bring you here? While my daughter is far away, I know that she and her husband won't be without family. The family is packed in the bag!
Helping Others Get Past Barriers
Ahhh...the end of the year, a time for self-reflection and self-assessment. The joy and brutality of reality! And the great news is: Yes! I can change! The very fact that we can identify where we want to improve is evidence that we can. Name it and claim it! Or name it and forsake it.
Who are you? And what do you love? What are your strengths? Skills? Fears? Weaknesses? What do you want to be known for? What do you want to overcome? What scares you the most? What gives you peace? What do you have to contribute to others? Who do you want to please? What will you be glad you did? What will you wish you had done? What holds you back? What motivates you? What do you feel is your life mission? Do you know the answers to those for you as well as the ones you love?
Recently I asked myself some hard questions and wrote down my responses. I was looking for more joy and chose to change some simple routines. One was to be at the crossroads with snacks and a listening ear when the children come home from school. Another was to make space dailyfor something I love to do. Results often come from small consistent changes. Results also come from compassionate listeners who reflect our thoughts and feelings when we get stuck or have difficulty clarifying or recognizing where the obstacles are.
The day I came home from my little self-assessment, my son met me in the kitchen and said, "Mom do you want to talk about last night's argument about how to clean up?" I agreed and He said, “You are fearful about meals.” I agreed and he asked, "Why?" With paper and pencil we went through the reasons why and it was an interesting exercise. I had all kinds of negative emotions wrapped up in everything to do with food and it was helpful to identify them. One was that there wasn’t enough time for me to fix food and get my stuff done. Another one was the children won’t turn out right unless they help with home and meals. I listed more reasons on paper. For two hours he listened to me. He helped me examine my thoughts and face them. The day before he had asked himself, "What is the one thing I could do to help my mom?" His conclusion was to help me walk through my emotional barriers related to food. By the time we were done we had spent about 4 1/2 hours in discussion. We spent half a day to solve this problem! We talked about ownership and strategies, and he walked me out to the freezer where I started to implement some solutions. What a gift of understanding to help me move forward.
The process was a win-win because I was empowered to face a fear and he would get better food! When we help others reach their goals, often we find ourselves reaching our own. Success is often on the other side of helping someone else. Careful listening and understanding can provide entrance to another's heart and insight into our own journey. After this experience I find myself more aware of barriers each of us face and the part I could play in helping others remove blocks and barriers to their goals. So often we find identity and personal power to move forward as others listen carefully to us and express faith in us - a simple but powerful hinge on which progress moves.
Who are you? And what do you love? What are your strengths? Skills? Fears? Weaknesses? What do you want to be known for? What do you want to overcome? What scares you the most? What gives you peace? What do you have to contribute to others? Who do you want to please? What will you be glad you did? What will you wish you had done? What holds you back? What motivates you? What do you feel is your life mission? Do you know the answers to those for you as well as the ones you love?
Recently I asked myself some hard questions and wrote down my responses. I was looking for more joy and chose to change some simple routines. One was to be at the crossroads with snacks and a listening ear when the children come home from school. Another was to make space dailyfor something I love to do. Results often come from small consistent changes. Results also come from compassionate listeners who reflect our thoughts and feelings when we get stuck or have difficulty clarifying or recognizing where the obstacles are.
The day I came home from my little self-assessment, my son met me in the kitchen and said, "Mom do you want to talk about last night's argument about how to clean up?" I agreed and He said, “You are fearful about meals.” I agreed and he asked, "Why?" With paper and pencil we went through the reasons why and it was an interesting exercise. I had all kinds of negative emotions wrapped up in everything to do with food and it was helpful to identify them. One was that there wasn’t enough time for me to fix food and get my stuff done. Another one was the children won’t turn out right unless they help with home and meals. I listed more reasons on paper. For two hours he listened to me. He helped me examine my thoughts and face them. The day before he had asked himself, "What is the one thing I could do to help my mom?" His conclusion was to help me walk through my emotional barriers related to food. By the time we were done we had spent about 4 1/2 hours in discussion. We spent half a day to solve this problem! We talked about ownership and strategies, and he walked me out to the freezer where I started to implement some solutions. What a gift of understanding to help me move forward.
The process was a win-win because I was empowered to face a fear and he would get better food! When we help others reach their goals, often we find ourselves reaching our own. Success is often on the other side of helping someone else. Careful listening and understanding can provide entrance to another's heart and insight into our own journey. After this experience I find myself more aware of barriers each of us face and the part I could play in helping others remove blocks and barriers to their goals. So often we find identity and personal power to move forward as others listen carefully to us and express faith in us - a simple but powerful hinge on which progress moves.
First Steps
Recently I marveled as I held a very young child who locked his legs as I tried to set him down and insisted on walking with my help. Determined! Over and over, he straightened out his legs and clung for dear life to my hands and started moving forward. If he stumbled or fell, he was right back up.
The room I was in was full of mostly young adults learning to dance, at a Birthday Celebration Regency Ball. These young adults were also taking the first steps of a dance being taught. They stumbled a little, enjoying the challenge, but perhaps not quite as determined as the child. I thought of the first steps of many in the room: first steps of college, first steps of grad school, and first steps at parenting.
Our entire lives we are taking first steps! First day of school. First day of a job. First day of college. First day of marriage. First day of parenting. Each begins a journey of learning and growth, sometimes painful and hopefully leading to joy. My sweet mom, experiencing first steps of aging and losing independence, stated yesterday, "I have so much to learn!" The aging process is a journey as well.
Often we experience fear, criticism, self-doubt and failure as we try new things or meet the challenges in our path. And no wonder! Moving forward, taking steps requires courage, bravery, and inner strength. It takes courage to take the steps to change, forgive, listen instead of speak, speak in front of others, try something new, speak up for yourself or others, marry, parent, set boundaries, let go of anger, admit when you are wrong, visit the dentist, and share a dissenting opinion without being disagreeable. All of these are steps that help us gain confidence and independence just like the first steps of a child.
I chose my favorite ways to take the first steps toward progress, take courage and conquer self-doubt from several readings and my own experiences. I hope by sharing them, you will be encouraged to take steps in your life that carry you forward as well as build strength in your children. Here they are:
The room I was in was full of mostly young adults learning to dance, at a Birthday Celebration Regency Ball. These young adults were also taking the first steps of a dance being taught. They stumbled a little, enjoying the challenge, but perhaps not quite as determined as the child. I thought of the first steps of many in the room: first steps of college, first steps of grad school, and first steps at parenting.
Our entire lives we are taking first steps! First day of school. First day of a job. First day of college. First day of marriage. First day of parenting. Each begins a journey of learning and growth, sometimes painful and hopefully leading to joy. My sweet mom, experiencing first steps of aging and losing independence, stated yesterday, "I have so much to learn!" The aging process is a journey as well.
Often we experience fear, criticism, self-doubt and failure as we try new things or meet the challenges in our path. And no wonder! Moving forward, taking steps requires courage, bravery, and inner strength. It takes courage to take the steps to change, forgive, listen instead of speak, speak in front of others, try something new, speak up for yourself or others, marry, parent, set boundaries, let go of anger, admit when you are wrong, visit the dentist, and share a dissenting opinion without being disagreeable. All of these are steps that help us gain confidence and independence just like the first steps of a child.
I chose my favorite ways to take the first steps toward progress, take courage and conquer self-doubt from several readings and my own experiences. I hope by sharing them, you will be encouraged to take steps in your life that carry you forward as well as build strength in your children. Here they are:
- Read. Being well read in a variety of topics gives you the confidence to share and confidence to ask good questions.
- Be disciplined. Consistency gives you hope and confidence in yourself. You can trust yourself.
- Recognize when you are uncomfortable. Acknowledge it and move through it.
- Stand up for your beliefs.
- Share your struggles and listen to others struggles. Learn from them.
- Dance! Sing! Speak! Write! On your own. By yourself. And in front of others.
- Face the lies in your mind. Put truth in their place.
- Follow ideas and dreams that come to you.
- Get help.
- Acknowledge your weaknesses. Work to change them to strengths.
- Express gratitude. Don't be intimidated by others strengths. Be grateful for them.
- Be vulnerable. Accept that others might not approve or be kind.
- Serve others. You will validate your gifts as you see how they help others.
- Set goals. Confidence comes from many small successes.
- Face and name your fears. Make a plan and follow it.
- Let go. Trust.
- Learn from your mistakes. Make a plan and follow it.
- Change your habits, change your schedule, change your thoughts.
- Learn to be a cheerleader for yourself. Celebrate daily what you do right.
“If parents want to give their children a gift,
the best thing they can do is to teach their children to love challenges,
be intrigued by mistakes, enjoy effort, and keep on learning.
That way, their children don’t have to be slaves of praise.
They will have a lifelong way to build and repair their own confidence.”
-Carol Dweck
Power of One
Kaiden, a spunky and sweet fourteen-year-old friend and neighbor was recently called Home with a capital H. My heart is full of all the sweet interactions I had with her. I think of her spunky smile, her conversation after a church lesson about truth and how good it made me feel that she wanted to talk about the lesson. I remember when I learned she loved photography, she was excited to share some photos and I put a meaningful quote on it for the young women in our neighborhood. I remember her glowing smile as she sat in church and her willingness to share her goals and encourage others. And then I learn at her funeral, she reached out to everyone. She knew how to respond to people in ways that made them feel loved and understood. At her funeral it was said:
And she did. While our fears sometimes inhibit us, her courage to reach out, blessed hundreds and her influence is now magnified 1000 fold with her passing. One of the scriptures she had underlined was from JS 1:33: ..."God had a work for me to do." And that is the message I'll remember with Kaiden. God had a work for her on both sides of mortality. I learn from Kaiden, the small and simple is often profound and significant.
The power of one, to change, reach out, do or say something has the power to tilt the earth one way or the other and each one of us has that power every day. Thank you Kaiden, for teaching us that profound truth the way you lived your life.
"She had a smile that could be felt around the block. She was the first to introduce herself to others. She said hello to people she didn't know. She showed love to both those she knew and those she didn't know. She had a smile that could change the world." - Tim Olsen
 |
| Kaiden |
The power of one, to change, reach out, do or say something has the power to tilt the earth one way or the other and each one of us has that power every day. Thank you Kaiden, for teaching us that profound truth the way you lived your life.
___________________________________________________
Your deed can be as simple as making someone feel special,
reaching out to a lonely person,
helping a troubled kid find the right path,
reaching out to a lonely person,
helping a troubled kid find the right path,
or comforting a friend who needs a shoulder to cry on.
The fact is that you’ll be changing the world one good deed at a time.
-Frank Sonnenberg
What Are We Fighting For?
Ahhh! September 22nd, marked another successful hobbit party. My son creates space each year for friends to gather and honor the hobbits of middle earth. It is always a delightful gathering of young adults who dress up and enjoy chicken legs, mushrooms, potatoes, and radishes. The shire music is in the background as they eat their lembas bread with herbal tea. They make speeches, sing music and have trivia contests. Two blow torches lit the 144 candles on the cake that honored both Bilbo and Frodo together. (The blow torches were this years brilliant innovation!)
Perhaps my favorite moment is at the very end of the movie when, Sam, Rosie, and their children go inside their adorable hobbit home and shut the door. And that is one of the incredibly poignant messages! Right there. All the sacrifice, battles, difficult journeys, and all the soul-wrenching decisions and desperate attempts against all odds, and all the willingness to plunge into darkness and evil to save middle earth, was so the family could reunite and be safe and happy at home. And that moment at the conclusion of the movie, is the culminating event that justifies all that has just transpired. That small scene answers the question: "What are we fighting for?" Home. Family. Happiness. Two ordinary hobbits; Sam and Frodo played major roles in saving both Middle Earth and the Shire and the home.
Perhaps my favorite moment is at the very end of the movie when, Sam, Rosie, and their children go inside their adorable hobbit home and shut the door. And that is one of the incredibly poignant messages! Right there. All the sacrifice, battles, difficult journeys, and all the soul-wrenching decisions and desperate attempts against all odds, and all the willingness to plunge into darkness and evil to save middle earth, was so the family could reunite and be safe and happy at home. And that moment at the conclusion of the movie, is the culminating event that justifies all that has just transpired. That small scene answers the question: "What are we fighting for?" Home. Family. Happiness. Two ordinary hobbits; Sam and Frodo played major roles in saving both Middle Earth and the Shire and the home.
Sam: And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer.
Those were the stories that stayed with you.
That meant something.
Even if you were too small to understand why.
But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand.
I know now.
Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back only they didn’t.
Because they were holding on to something.
Frodo : What are we holding on to, Sam?
Sam : That there’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo. And it’s worth fighting for.
- Sam and Frodo in Lord of the RingsSimilarly ordinary people in every country on every continent play major roles in saving their families every day, so that there can be happiness at home when the door closes. It is the good worth fighting for.
https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:A_Hobbit_House.jpg
What Are You Trading Today?
As a child I remember bringing home the candy after trick or treating on Halloween. So many wonderful pieces of candy! Then the best part was the trading circle. We would bring our piles of candy to the circle and trade. Snickers were better than skittles in my sugar hierarchy and I remember it took a lot of bubblegums to get a snickers.
Perhaps life is a big game of trading. Trading our time and our money for what we think is of most worth is what we do with or without intention every day. Conversations, education, reading, lessons, media, sports, serving, working, limitless possibilities can be traded for the minutes, hours, days and years. Vacations, lessons, toys, homes, transportation, games, food, and more endless choices are purchased with our pennies and dollars every day. We trade according to our values. Eve traded an apple to lead the human race into mortality and God's plan. Esau traded his birthright for a mess of pottage. Esther risked her security to save a nation from destruction. The Savior offers a trade: our sins for His grace. We offer our contrite hearts and He gives His spirit, strength and joy.
As our pocketbooks diminish and the time ticks on the trading goes on and the rules suggest that we become at the end what we have traded to be. What we trade and sacrifice for becomes part of who we are. One of my favorite poems by Anne Campbell speaks of a trade that mothers make.
You are the trip I did not take, you are the pearls I did not buy, You are my blue Italian lake, you are my piece of foreign sky.
You are my Honolulu moon, you are the book I did not write,
You are my heart's unuttered tune, you are a candle in my night.
You are the flower beneath the snow, in my dark sky a bit of blue,I love that poem! That trade was one one the best I have ever made. With Anne Campbell I say, "I am happy! I have you!"
Answering disappointment's blow with "I am happy! I have you!”
Sisters
As I walked out of Walmart this week, my eyes met with another woman about my age and we exchanged a smile and a knowing glance. I'm fairly certain we would be instant friends and have a wonderful conversation, given the chance.
I've been pondering the connection women have with each other. My daughter experienced this connection as she walked over Utah prairie for four days pushing a handcart in a pioneer simulation. The highlight of her experience as well as many others was an event called the women's pull. The women's pull refers to the part of the trail in which the young women and women pushed their handcarts up a steep hill. The men at the top were not allowed to help on this section of the trail. These women of all ages, linked arms at the base of the trail, they talked about the steep trail ahead, acknowledged the power and love of heaven as well as the power and love of each woman there. They talked of the women that went before them - pioneer women. They spoke of angels. Then each went to their handcarts and started the ascent. Many men were in tears and amazed at the determination and power of the women they watched pulling the handcarts. One young man said, "I watched them get to the top, then go back down and help the others, it was awesome." Another commented how humbling it was as a guy to watch that. The inspired leader of the men, told the men, "You will want to help them as you see them coming up. One of the things we learn, is that some challenges we will need to face on our own. There are challenges our loved ones will face on their own. The feeling of helplessness we feel today might be preparation for something further down the road, like a loved one who is ill, or a friend at school with a challenge and sometimes all we can do is offer love and encouragement and be there for them. Think about the role you could take to ease the burden of the women you love in your life."
I saw the photos and videos of these powerful women, perhaps not in stature, but assuredly powerful souls, shoulder to shoulder pulling the handcarts at the front and pushing from behind. Buckets carrying the belongings of both the women and the men weighted each handcart. The strain was visible in each woman, but the determination was even more visible.
It makes me weep just to see it again in my mind and I'm asking myself why. In a conversation with one of the young men, we determined that both young men and young women felt a deep respect for the load the women carried. He could see that both men and women see, respond and contribute differently, because of the innate and unique gifts of each gender. There on the prairie, on a hot day, in pioneer clothes, in a simulation, that reality was visible and tangible. The sisterhood was visible and tangible.
Sisterhood. Caring. Understanding. Memories include my neighbor who washed my dishes and prepared raspberry tea for me after the birth of one of my children, my amazing and adorable 12-year-old neighbor who knocked on my door last week and said "Did you see the sunset? I didn't want you to miss it!" My sister, who sends the most endearing texts. My mother who expresses her encouragement and faith in me. My daughters, who hug and validate me. The women who helped teach my children as we homeschooled them together. I treasure the conversations I had with women from Africa and the Carribean at the United Nations, with whom I felt a sisterhood. There is nothing like it anywhere! I don't have words to describe that deep and abiding comfort, the validation and understanding that another woman or girl gives. I understand there are many things I must face on my own, but I also sense deeply that other women who face their challenges as well, cheer me on, have my back, and share the victories. My sisters, I love you.
I've been pondering the connection women have with each other. My daughter experienced this connection as she walked over Utah prairie for four days pushing a handcart in a pioneer simulation. The highlight of her experience as well as many others was an event called the women's pull. The women's pull refers to the part of the trail in which the young women and women pushed their handcarts up a steep hill. The men at the top were not allowed to help on this section of the trail. These women of all ages, linked arms at the base of the trail, they talked about the steep trail ahead, acknowledged the power and love of heaven as well as the power and love of each woman there. They talked of the women that went before them - pioneer women. They spoke of angels. Then each went to their handcarts and started the ascent. Many men were in tears and amazed at the determination and power of the women they watched pulling the handcarts. One young man said, "I watched them get to the top, then go back down and help the others, it was awesome." Another commented how humbling it was as a guy to watch that. The inspired leader of the men, told the men, "You will want to help them as you see them coming up. One of the things we learn, is that some challenges we will need to face on our own. There are challenges our loved ones will face on their own. The feeling of helplessness we feel today might be preparation for something further down the road, like a loved one who is ill, or a friend at school with a challenge and sometimes all we can do is offer love and encouragement and be there for them. Think about the role you could take to ease the burden of the women you love in your life."
I saw the photos and videos of these powerful women, perhaps not in stature, but assuredly powerful souls, shoulder to shoulder pulling the handcarts at the front and pushing from behind. Buckets carrying the belongings of both the women and the men weighted each handcart. The strain was visible in each woman, but the determination was even more visible.
It makes me weep just to see it again in my mind and I'm asking myself why. In a conversation with one of the young men, we determined that both young men and young women felt a deep respect for the load the women carried. He could see that both men and women see, respond and contribute differently, because of the innate and unique gifts of each gender. There on the prairie, on a hot day, in pioneer clothes, in a simulation, that reality was visible and tangible. The sisterhood was visible and tangible.
Sisterhood. Caring. Understanding. Memories include my neighbor who washed my dishes and prepared raspberry tea for me after the birth of one of my children, my amazing and adorable 12-year-old neighbor who knocked on my door last week and said "Did you see the sunset? I didn't want you to miss it!" My sister, who sends the most endearing texts. My mother who expresses her encouragement and faith in me. My daughters, who hug and validate me. The women who helped teach my children as we homeschooled them together. I treasure the conversations I had with women from Africa and the Carribean at the United Nations, with whom I felt a sisterhood. There is nothing like it anywhere! I don't have words to describe that deep and abiding comfort, the validation and understanding that another woman or girl gives. I understand there are many things I must face on my own, but I also sense deeply that other women who face their challenges as well, cheer me on, have my back, and share the victories. My sisters, I love you.
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