Hearts Knit Half A World Apart

At 2:00 AM this morning I joined a prayer vigil through zoom that extended to a women's shelter, City of Goodness Center now doubling as a bomb shelter in south west Ukraine. Ukraine is in a full scale war and Marta, the director, introduced us to many mothers, women and children, who have recently come there for refuge. Our hearts knit together as we briefly heard their stories. There is a sisterhood among women and mothers where borders and language barriers melt away. It is a place where life and family is near and dear to our hearts and we feel to help each other. We cried, laughed, waved, and prayed for all. We spontaneously sang Happy Birthday to a young girl whose birthday is today. Marta led us on a tour of their shelter, made for 70, now holding over double that amount, between air raid warnings where they stayed in the basement and tell the children they are playing hide and seek. They had a difficult night with many bombings throughout the country. Today they will make mats for the newcomers, bake bread for their husbands, fathers and sons in the military and take care of their beautiful children. My heart goes out to them in the the uncertainty, the loss, the fear, the deprivation. Those on the zoom call just wanted to reach through and give these brave women a hug.

Big Ocean Women (BOW) initiated the zoom meeting. They knew a Ukrainian on the Wasatch Front who translated and Marta who is in Ukraine. BOW leader Kim shared a message from Proverbs 31 about virtuous women. One definition of virtuous is "warrior" and she explained that the Ukrainian women in the shelter are warriors.

At times we may feel like there is nothing we can do; however, here are three things Kim invited us to do:

1. Pray for the continued intercession of divinity for the protection and support of the vulnerable on both sides of the war front.

2. Donate for Marta and Dr. Zhovnir Volodymyr, head of pediatrics at a children's hospital in Ukraine who are caring for the most vulnerable. The money will go to expanding the facility, beds, cribs, medical supplies, food and clothing. The funds are gathered by Big Ocean Women and Worldwide Unified. Funds will go directly to those in need. https://secure.givelively.org/donate/big-ocean-women/ukraine-support

3. Use the hashtag #safeharborukraine if you wish to send an encouraging message. #safeharborukraine posts will be translated into Ukrainian for women at the shelter.

It amazes me how good women are at connecting and helping each other. Because I belong to this organization, I learned about this meeting and met these wonderful Ukrainian women. Yesterday I didn't know any of them by name and today I'm praying to all powerful God to preserve, intervene and protect those women, children families on both sides of this conflict.

Through a middle of the night meeting, I now feel connected to a group on the other side of the world in a full scale war. I can do something to help and trust God that He will hear the prayers of His children. #safeharborukraine

It's Time

A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; - Ecclesiastes 3:6 

My brain is still sorting after three months of clearing out my mom's home. It was a time to cast away many things. It was a time to keep and cherish meaningful things. 

At this beginning of the new year, 2022, it is time to sort again - this time sorting through what to keep and what to throw away, mentally, and emotionally. To cast off or keep habits. To get visions or lose illustions.

In her book "Through His Eyes," Virginia Pearce talks about cleaning out the closet of your mind. Just as we look at each item in the closet to determine if it stays, so we should look at each belief and ask is it True. True with a capital T, meaning eternally and forever true. Or small t - meaning just a good idea. Or not true and it needs to go. 

Over the years, my beliefs about pleasing people, making choices, and personal autonomy have all taken some twists and turns. Understandings about what I want and what brings joy have also take some twists and turn. Some beliefs have firmly stayed and become more bright and fixed than ever, such as my understandings about God, motherhood and family. Ever brighter beacons that tug at my heart and speak to my soul, include asking questions in prayer, temples, and time alone pondering.

Critical and core to moving forward in a new year with any kind of effective direction, are the questions and reflections that invite us to lose and keep, gather and cast away. Questions that invite us to examine the past as a prequel to plans for the future. Here I share some of my favorites:

1. What do I really want? What is the alignment between my talents, my will and God's will?
2. Where am I now and where do I want to be?
3. What should I stop doing? start doing? keep doing?
4. What previous accomplishments am I most pleased with? Why?
5. What lessons have I learned from both my successes and failures?
6. What contributions and service have I given that I am most happy with?
7. What relationships have improved and what improved them?
8. What one thing could I do this year that will have the most impact on the next 10 years?
9. If I weren't afraid, what would I do?
10. What do I want to change most about myself?

Goals setting for some time seemed to be somewhat elusive to me. I didn't understand the intensity and focus that was needed as well as the introspection and honesty that goals require. Patience with  and persistence were also key pieces. My absolute favorite practices that I'm so grateful to have discovered and that are making a big impact include: 

• Have goals out, front and center, pictures, descriptions, stories, daily reviews.
• Be relentless in identifying and executing small steps to achieve the goal.
• Pay attention to obstacles. Where needed, rewrite the story, that creates your end goal. 
• Choose a theme for the year and one word to focus on. Reflect on it every day.
• Celebrate, celebrate, celebrate every progress, every step, every effort, even failures that help you move forward with greater clarity.

It's time. It's time to ask the questions. It's time to reflect. It's time to act on promises and promptings. It's time to ask the questions, make the plans and act with purpose and passion. Its time to create, rise and move to a new level. And then, the prayer is that at the conclusion of each period of creation we can say as God did, "It was good." 

They Were the Refuge

The key goes to the buyer in a few short days. The childhood home can no longer be my refuge. Its time to move on. But oh the memories!  The memories, the many good memories that pour forth from every room, even though the clothing, furniture and dishes are gone. As I move from room to room, I realize that these sweet experiences are now to be stored in my memory to draw upon and shared with my family to learn from.

My Father passed away nearly four years ago and my Mother passed away 3 months ago. My sweet sister and I have been cleaning for days, crying, laughing, and reminiscing. We laughed over the red cup with the micky mouse ears that we all wanted to drink from. We remembered mom's love for roses as we cleaned out the vases, especially the tiny glasses she put her sweetheart roses in. We cried as we found the hospital records at our sisters death over 35 years ago. 

And then there was the similac in a rusty old can pobably over 53 years old. In the family room were the heating vents where we would sit and read and stay warm on snowy days.  The corner bedroom was where Dad would drill us in math or reading facts. The corner of the closet under the coats was where I would hide and read in hopes of not having to do dishes! The old wax paper bags for our sandwiches now look quaint and endearing. The sewing machine with its many bobbin threads tells of many projects that mom did for us and with us. The closet once held the pheasants they caught and forgot about - two of them, filling the home with the smell of rotting birds. The kitchen counters were where we bottled many peaches from our trees. 

But the real value wasn't in those events or things. It was in the love of God and family that permeated everything Mom and Dad did. Everything they touched spoke of creation and love. The tools and crafts in the home created beauty, spoke of industry and provided opportunities for us to work together. This was especially true of gardening and sewing. Dad led out in planting a garden every year. From the faith that goes into planting a seed, to the responsibility of watering and weeding, to harvest and eating was all part of a joyous celebration for him. We didn't feel that way at the time, but his enthusiasm was contagious. Mom helped us choose fabric and patterns and taught us the joy of creativity. There was much of frustration in the learning curve, but her joy was also contagious. 

Most of all, most importantly was the love we felt in every one of the hundreds of times we came back to visit after being married and having eight children. That home was a refuge. No, THEY were the refuge. Their hearts were big enough to take in all of us, feed us pizza, put up tomato juice with us, and just plain listen. Mom was so interested in every thing we were doing and Dad always full of loving concern over our struggles. 

Growing up was good but there were very difficult times as well as relationship struggles. What I find most miraculous is how over time they created this refuge for all their children, grandchildren and greatgrandchildren. Their rough edges became smooth and their example life saving. They grew into it year by year.

So as the home empties and I look at the empty kitchen where the tablel used to be and the thought came to my mind from Les Miserable - "Empty Chairs and Empty Tables." My Dad used to bring up that song. I felt the deep somber part of it today as I looked at that empty room. But my Dad would probably say to me today if he could, "Go enjoy the full tables you have now, Diane, and make those tables full of love and joy. If you learned it, then go live it." 

And if he said that, he'd be right. Everything that matters is in my mind and heart. I want to fill my children's hearts with the goodness and light that permeated every corner of that home. If they can find a refuge in my home and more importantly in me, then I will in part reciprocate what my parents did for me. That is a comforting thought as I prepare to leave that empty home soon, and create fulness in mine.

Gratitude is Universal

 God is gone up with a shout, the Lord with the sound of a trump. (Psalm 4:7)

And a shout and a trumpet it was! With gratitude and celebration we all met in the Colorado home of my daughter and her husband for Thanksgiving.  All of us. Everyone came together at their generous invitation. The table was filled with the traditional trimmings prepared by each of our willing hands. Seeing people I love serving and sharing with each other, and acknowledging God as the source of their blessings is truly a divine delight.

Thanksgiving Day is an American tradition - but giving thanks didn't begin in America. It is a common value and connecting point through religions, cultures and beliefs in all the world as well as the connecting point through the ages.

Consider these statements from diverse sources about giving thanks:

• "Abundance can be had simply by consciously receiving what has already been given." — Sufism
• “I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.”   -G. K. Chesterton
• "Sharing and giving are the ways of God." — Native American Sauk
• "Truly Allah is bountiful towards the people, but most of them do not give thanks." - Quran
• "If you cannot be grateful for what you have received, then be thankful for what you have been spared." — Yiddish Proverb
• “Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues but the parent of all others.”   -Cicero
• “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”  - Albert Einstein 

And consider historically and culturally these gratitude celebrations:

• Sukkot is celebrated by Jews around the world. Families build huts where they eat and sometimes sleep for the seven days of celebration which includes special prayers and holiday meals.  Wands of myrtle, willow and palms are shaken every day in every direction to honor the land's gifts. This yearly holiday celebrates the harvest and remembers the time of the Exodus when the Israelites occupied temporary shelters in the desert. 

• A Chinese tradition celebrates the Mid-Autumn Festival.  It is also called the Moon Festival as it coincides withe a full moon in the eighth lunar month.  Giving thanks for the harvest and encouraging life giving sunlight are part of the ceremonies.  It is also a favorite time for matchmaking as this time of year is associated with fertility. 

• The Yam Festival is celebrated by the Ewe people of Ghana.  As the first yams appear and the end of the rainy season occurs, the celebration begins.  The festival is largely aimed at averting famine in the coming year and is marked by feasts, dances and parades. 

What if in addition to annual celebrations we created daily devotions of gratitude? What if throughout the day we looked for God's hand and expressed our thanks to any who have reached out in any way? What if we retired each evening recording with thanks what we saw and felt from God and others? Truly the profoundest ideas are fleshed out in the small moments of every day. 

Daily rituals form and shape who we are and how we think.  The prayers, praises, gratitude texts, a thank you phone call, the kind note and the verbal appreciation are all manifestations of this principle of gratitude. Is it possible that daily private gratitude rituals and expressions would create happier families, stronger communities, even global change?  If so this personal postive energy could move outward affecting all who come in contact with this new vibration; this energy could cause a climate change of our own souls that reverberated into the entire world in which we would eventually feel the temperature difference.  I'm just naive enough to believe that is possible.  I'm just simple enough to believe the glow and warmth of human gratitude can change the world. 

"Being grateful all the time isn’t easy. But it’s when you least feel thankful that you are most in need of what gratitude can give you: perspective. Gratitude can transform any situation. It alters your vibration, moving you from negative energy to positive. It’s the quickest, easiest most powerful way to effect change in your life — this I know for sure."  -Oprah Winfrey

A Tribute to my Mom

Its been a month since my mother passed to the other side of mortality. I've thought often about the concepts that came to me in the middle of the night - ideas of what to share at her funeral. I was given thoughts about her crown, her scepter and the kingdom - ideas symbolic of what she lived every day of her life so well.  The words I shared then are close to the following:

The week prior to mom's passing was sacred and miraculous. There were angels in the room. One of those angels on this side of the veil was my sweet compassionate sister Kathy who helped make those moments sweet, tender and sacred.  There was so much heaven was trying to teach me.  I hope the things I am learning may be helpful to you.  As she moved in and out of sleep for a week, the phrase repeated most often was "I love you. forever." If you are looking for a message personally to you - I'm delivering it in her words. "I love you forever."

 

I begin with the idea that mom is a queen. As one grandchild said, ""She is more queen than the queen of England." I will use the imagery of a crown, a scepter and a kingdom to try to convey what mom knew. Mom said: 

 

"To become a wife, then a mother, is the greatest blessing and honor of my life. I regard it as the highest holiest most sacred calling to be given me. to become a mother, is one of the most glorious gifts of all."

 

This is the crown - the crown of identity and moral authority.

.When I was raising many small children close together I often cried out for light.  What saved me was my mother's knowledge of God's Plan.  I KNEW my mom had something most precious. .  I knew it.  In those challenging days I would regularly show up at her house with my children, worn out and crying for love and validation. She poured her love over all of us and helped me get through many difficult days. President Nelson said: 

“No one can do what a righteous woman can do. No one can duplicate the influence of a mother. ... Women have a special gift for [communicating the love of Heavenly Father and the Savior to others]—a divine endowment. You have the capacity to sense what someone needs—and when he or she needs it.

This divine endowment of seeing and responding to needs can be found in what our family members have shared over time:

• A grandson said: "My favorite thing about grandma is that no matter what you are going through or however hard of a day you are having, grandma will make you feel like you are worth a million bucks."
• A daughter in law said: "She always makes you feel the center of attention..."
• A son said: "I love how Mom will always just sit and talk to you as if you were the only one in the the world! Doesn’t matter what she’s doing, she’ll stop and just focus on you and listening to you with such intent and excitement."
• A daughter in law said: "[She always] gave me a hug when I came through the door. [She] always make me feel loved and appreciated. "
• A grandson said:  “What I love about Grandma is how she has always expressed interest in what I am doing and what my current plans are."
• Last night a friend said:  "I always feel better after being with her."

In her humble way she focused on others. She was never a drama queen. She never had to be the center. It wasn't about her. She hugged, she wrote notes, she shared her famous onion bread, she listened, she really listened.

 

I remember calling my mom from the UN in New York to wish her a happy birthday.  I remember the stark contrast of the voices devaluing motherhood  in the hallways of the United Nations, while I talked with my mother who truly understood identity and put deep into my soul God's plan of love, family and motherhood. The contrast of her voice and their voices stands out clearly in my mind. She understood things that they did not. 

 

That is why I think sometimes the crown looks invisible. The power of mothers to teach the divine is almost hidden from view.  In a similar thread, one of moms favorite quotes is from "The Little Prince,"  "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye. " My Mom could see. What matters was visible to mom.  Her dance of identity came from deep within - she knew it, loved it and lived it. 

 

Lets add to the crown.  My mom had a scepter - a scepter of power from which she drew strength.

This scepter wasn't to rule others with. This is how she governed herself.  What do you do when the world is dark and full of deceit?  When your oldest daughter is dying? When life doesn't make sense?  When life is HARD! How do you gather the strength to be a queen? The answer is you don't rule others, you rule yourself.  This is influence. Mom didn't control people she disciplined her soul .

With what? What is this scepter? This is the scepter of gratitude.  This is not a shallow gratitude of "I'm so grateful for everything."  It was a profound gratitude to God because she knew she could trust Him. I used to think maybe it was naiveté. it wasn't. She made an intentional choice to be grateful. It wasn't just the teaching from Grandma Jean which she would often share, "If you can't say something nice -don't say anything at all."  This if more than a "just be nice" policy. It is a power and weapon to fight the darkness. It came from seeing Gods hand in all things. Mom always said, "God is in charge."

 

When you see God's hand everywhere, you realize you are part of something grander and greater than you can imagine.  And when you see that, you are filled with joy. My mom was filled with joy. 

 

Much of this was learned in the fiery furnace of Julie's health difficulties. Julie's health problems were complex. Julie had near forty surgeries and eighty two doctors, therapists and anesthesiologists. Pain was near constant. Answers were not there.  After she passed away at age 30 mom wrote: 

"I think of Julie as she continues to bless my life daily.  If I were an artist, I would paint her relieved of pain. She would be radiant, whole and well, experiencing great happiness and joy.  She would be surrounded by her many loved ones who have also gone on to the other side of the veil. .. .Faith is a gift. I fasted and prayed with all my heart and learned to turn it over the Lord. I did not always understand, but I knew He did. Hope is a gift.  Julie's hope was in the resurrection and its promise of a perfect and strong body.  Doctors could not offer solutions. Life's dreams of marriage, family and a normal life were not feasible. Still she developed hope. Someday, she knew it would be made right. ...Gratitude is a gift. Where others might have found it difficult to be thankful,  Julie expressed gratitude over every tiny little gesture performed in her behalf.... a trait developed through great heartache and anguish."

Mom took this compassion and faith with her to Baltimore where she served a mission with Dad. The first night they became completely lost in a maze of freeways and miraculously arrived through prayer. (This was before GPS.)  Another night they had a flat tire in the middle of downtown Baltimore in the night. Miraculously a man showed up and said, I have been sent to help you. My mom saw God's hand all through their mission. A granddaughter said:

“You have taught me so much about being a woman, being a daughter of God and a future wife.  You are my hero and example that I want to exemplify in my life. You have overcome some of the most bitter trials that life has to offer and yet at the end of the day; you are a radiant beam of sun giving thanks to God always. “

She trusted God, she danced the dance of gratitude with her scepter of power and majesty. 

 

Third thought:  With Dad she created a kingdom.  

Building a kingdom for them was to create a refuge and protection from the world - a haven from the world to teach the laws and covenants of God to their children. Mom wrote a children’s book:  "How a House became a Home." In its simplest form she was writing the pattern to creating a loving kingdom as she understood it from the raw materials of mortality. The last page is says "This is not the end."  I love that. It wasn't the end. The love and its surrounding kingdom lives on. Creating and loving is what the Gods do.  

Mom loved creation - appreciating God's beautiful landscapes, birds and nature. She loved to sew,  create a beautiful table, and arrange flowers. 

Their kingdom was not only for creation, but also a place to renew and heal.  It was a place of truth. It was a place of non-judgment. I marvel continually at mom's ability to not judge, reprove, or reject. One grandson said, “The thing I love about grandma is that no matter how dirty I was after working with Grandpa, she would still give me a hug.” 

 

On being accepting I think of a few weeks ago, we brought up something at the table. And she disagreed, or maybe I disagreed but we were all the better for it.  We each could learn from what the other could see. And like a hundred other things she didn't judge me for it. It was independent of the relationship. This is glorious. This is what would heal families, nations and our world.  unity wasn't agreeing with each other. Unity was to love each other and God.

 

Mom knew who she was.  Her crown of identity was secure. Her scepter of gratitude and joy carried her through the darkness and together with Dad, they build a kingdom - a haven.

 

So I made a list of things I could do to emulate mom, like be more grateful and joyful, make home clean & beautiful, and then I realized that isn’t it. I needed to go back a layer. My actions may be different as I apply the crown, the scepter and kingdom. It is what SHE KNEW about womanhood.  She was true to her mission.  A mission largely lost to and rejected by the world. I need to ponder to know more about this divine essential role and how it relates to the world I live in. It isn't just being more grateful and joyful. It's trusting God. It's seeing that God is in charge, letting the gratitude and joy flow.  Its taking the raw materials of my generation to build a haven and kingdom, a refuge city from the world. 

 

Of the 2000 stripling warriors,  scripture records, "We do not doubt our mothers knew it."

I do not doubt. My MOTHER KNEW IT. She knew the treasures of the kingdom.

 

She knew it, she loved it she lived it. She heard the music and danced the dance. She  laid it out  when she said all week, "I love you forever, forever, forever." 

 

As my niece and I sat on either side of Mom almost spiritual midwives and witnesses to an exit and entrance between the worlds, I had distinct and overwhelming and powerful feelings of joy and gratitude for her living true to her mission and God's plan. I felt a greater understanding of the power and gift of the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ as it pertains to eternal family and the resurrection.

 

Thank you mom! Thank you for teaching us and still teaching us. For loving us and still loving us.  I thank God for his joyful plan and the gift of Jesus that makes it all possible.

 

 

 

  

Angels in the Room

There were angels in the room. I just spent one of the most sacred weeks of my life as my mom prepared to graduate from mortality with flying colors which she did last Friday. She gave grace. She loved. She made the choice to be grateful. She made the choice to feel joy. And she set the quintessential example of not judging. This was a week of love, saying goodbye and miracles. Just moments after her passing while pondering the goodness of her life, I felt a new distinct glimpse of understanding of the magnificence of the gift of Jesus which allows families to be reunited. It was a teaching from heaven straight to my heart. I am filled with gratitude for my mother's love and faith and God's mercy.  

 -facebook post 

Harnessing Intergenerational Power

As a young boy, my Dad broke a grocery store window, scattered hay on the floor of the neighbors barn and stole a crescent wrench. Years later, my Dad was known far and wide as a man of great integrity. How did this happen?

In my Dad's history he recorded the three instances: "The owner informed that the cost of the plate glass window in the Depression was about ten dollars. Prior to this time I had never even had fifty cents to my name. I could hardly hold my head up from crying as my father asked me to come and give him the details concerning this unfortunate event and accident. At the end, he said, 'Tom, we must do the right thing' and he located ten dollars for me to take to this store owner the next morning. ...you will never know how hard it was to take my father's last ten dollars at the bottom of the Depression to pay for a plate glass window that had been caused by my unfortunate negligence and caper."

After my Dad and his cousins pushed the towers of hay over, he says, "My father then instructed that I must ask Bishop Beardahl for forgiveness and promise never to do it again. Again the lessons of life, especially responsibility were beginning at an early age and were developing in my mind."

When the wrench was discovered, “[My dad] instructed me that I must go back and knock on the door, return the wrench and ask for her forgiveness for my stealing of the wrench... This was a terrifying experience to go this 70 or 80 year old stern, eccentric lady, admit that I had done wrong, stole her wrench, and ask for her forgiveness. I can remember riding my bike up and down Wilson Avenue..at least five or six times...." Then he wrote: "Oh, how thankful I am for my father's principles and teachings..."

This story is a treasure to me – and more powerful to me and my children than an entire book on honesty. I'm so grateful for my father's principles and teachings. And I'm grateful for his father's commitment to integrity. They teach me and my children with their lives and their words, with examples and stories. Blessed is the man or woman who has stories in their hands and hearts from their family history to give them direction, strength and purpose.

You harness intergenerational power when you

gather, share and protect your family history stories.

- Diane Fisher